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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Stinky winky" & "fat tummy"

30 replies

sparklyskyy · 13/06/2014 07:14

Are things my MIL say repeatedly, i.e. on loop, to my DS. To put it into context when she's changing his nappy, he's nearly 1 1/2, she'll sing loudly over and over and over "who's got a stinky winky?!".

Also, she'll repeat in exactly the same way to him "who's got a fat tummy?! Let's see that fat tummy!" etc etc etc.

Sigh. It really winds me up, I don't say anything because I don't want to upset her plus as she's doing us a massive favour by watching our DS once a week when we're both working. But I keep thinking our DS will get a complex . I don't want him thinking he's got a fat tummy (he does just now) and thinking it's normally for family to laugh at him for it.

Am I being pfb and unreasonable??

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/06/2014 07:16

It's irritating but I don't think it'll give him a complex. Can you guide her towards some nursery rhymes he particularly enjoys?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/06/2014 07:17

Your alternative of course is to pay for professional childcare where you can demand what you want.

CoffeeTea103 · 13/06/2014 07:17

Please get over yourself, of course you are being so unreasonable. It's this type of obsession over every tiny, insignificant little thing that actually makes something into an issue. Your poor mil!

Felyne · 13/06/2014 07:17

It would make me uncomfortable too. I have no advice though sorry, just empathy!

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 13/06/2014 07:22

Pay for child care then. People say this nonsense to babies and children.

MissMarplesBloomers · 13/06/2014 07:23

Not over reacting with the fat tummy thing, hate hate hate it.

The F word was banned in our house, from an early age, with 2 girls (& a fat mother) I was hot on positive body image as I had/ have none. Migbt seem trivial but early conditioning & all that.

The general sing song nature of it all though is sweet, & her way of calming him so on the whole you might have to give in on that one!

JeanSeberg · 13/06/2014 07:24

Bear in mind you'll probably be a mil one day op...

Birdsgottafly · 13/06/2014 07:24

I'm surprised he isn't repeating it, if it's being said that often. My DN is 16 months and we are having to be very careful about what we say around him.

Perhaps go from this perspective and tell your MIL that fat isn't a word that you want in your DS's everyday vocabulary.

You can teach your DS that it's "one of the silly things that nanny says". No doubt there will be more.

Spinaroo · 13/06/2014 07:25

She probably isn't even thinking about what she's saying-,I used to sniff my babies' feet and make funny faces/noises when changing nappies. Used to make then giggle and none if them seem overly conscious about foot odour now- although sometimes should . It's like saying 'chubby cheeks' to a baby. It's the tone- there are no negative connotations.

Now my mil calls babies 'chicken'- I hate that but can see its inoffensive (most of the time ). Give your mil and yourself a break from over thinking. Your wee boy will remember the fact there was chat, not the content.

HeyN0nny · 13/06/2014 07:27

Well, if she looks after him one day a week, she'll soon find out why not to say those things - as he announces very loudly in the park "oo got fat tummy, Granny, show fat tummy!"

Spinaroo · 13/06/2014 07:28

And if he goes on to watch kids' TV there will be lots if stinky/fat references. Peppa pig will be a definite no-no in that case.

TheLovelyBoots · 13/06/2014 07:30

I used to sniff my babies' feet and make funny faces/noises when changing nappies.

I used to do this too! It made them hysterical with laughter. So cute.

ManchesterAunt · 13/06/2014 07:31

How old is he? I tell my 1 year old he has a "fat tum tum" regularly. He can't talk yet, when he learns words I'll stop so he wont be calling strangers fat.

Original poster

sparklyskyy · 13/06/2014 07:31

I'm not MIL bashing! I would say the same no matter who it was saying it. She's great with him and we really appreciate her looking after him. It's just not my choice of words at ALL. I don't like the negative language used about his willy or his weight and I was worrying about whether this could have a negative impact on him later on.

I posted to see if maybe I was being unreasonable. I was brought up with negative things said about what I ate and it STILL makes me uneasy and defensive if people comment on what I eat, no matter how inconsequential.

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklyskyy · 13/06/2014 07:32

He's nearly 18 months.

We do the smelly feet thing too, which he finds hilarious .

OP posts:

Nishky · 13/06/2014 07:35

No I agree with you. My mil told my 13 month old that she was a 'disgusting child' when she was blowing raspberries to entertain herself in the back of the car.

As soon as mil had gone in the house I told dd she was NOT disgusting - she just gave me the wtf face

Like you I had things like that said as a child teen and I am very careful what I say to my children

pianodoodle · 13/06/2014 07:39

A chubby baby is different though isn't it? Babies are chubby!

They look like they have no wrists - just hands stuck on the end of big sausage arms

I'd be more cautious if he was a year or two older but at this stage I find it hard not to poke them and call them chub face.

Don't worry too much :)

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 13/06/2014 07:42

Well it's a bit annoying but I don't think it'll give him a complex unless she continues when he's older. My four year does not see fat as negative at all. If he's full after a meal he will sometimes say his tummy is fat now, he doesn't think he actually is fat though because he isn't.
It's only adults that seem to think being fat is a crime, small children just see it the same as being tall, short, brown haired etc, just a descriptive word unless they have been taught it's a bad word.

HygieneFreak · 13/06/2014 07:43

Your mil is out of order

You have to be so careful what you say to children

diddl · 13/06/2014 08:08

I think "stinky winky" would bother me more!

Unless it's covered in poo at the time & the inference is not that it's stinky just because it's a winky!

Likewise if she not saying it in a way that makes it obvious that she thinks fat=bad, I can't really see the problem.

If it really bothers you though, say something.

I think that you are overthinking it.

Maybe it'll stop when she's no longer changing nappies?

whynowblowwind · 13/06/2014 08:12

I wouldn't like it and would politely request it to cease, using the baby's increasing verbal recognition as a reason.

My son got very upset about having a poo when he was about 2 and it transpired the childminder was saying "ooh yuck, smelly poo!" when he did one changed THAT childminder pretty speedily.

flappityfanjos · 13/06/2014 09:14

Hmmm. I wouldn't be happy, really. More about the stinky winky, but don't think the fat tummy is great either. 4yo DD will now happily joke about smelly bums and poos, but we've been really careful not to shame her when she was younger. And they drink in words sooner than they begin to say them back.

I do think it's OK to have 'fat' in their vocabulary though. Like Couldnt, we use fat as a neutral adjective, not an insult. I actually am fat, I have more fat on my body than most people. We tell DD that everyone has a bit of fat on their body and that's how it's supposed to be, and also that bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes. DD will stick her tummy out and pretend it's fat, but at 4 she knows she's not actually a fat person. If she ever does get fat, I really want her to be able to aim for health without it denting her self-esteem. I want her to learn that it's not inherently ugly or morally wrong, at worst it's a personal health issue.

I teach her not to call other people fat by teaching her that it's not OK to make personal remarks about people's bodies - fat, thin, short, tall, able-bodied or disabled, you don't remark on it to their faces. If she wants to ask me a question about someone she must do it in private.

HippyPottyMouth · 13/06/2014 19:35

We often admire the little fat baby and I'd been wondering when we needed to stop saying it. It's just so lovely to see her filling out, she was such a scrawny little thing to start with.

mummypig14 · 13/06/2014 19:38

My MIL did this too. I told her that DS had told my friend she bad a fat tummy and really upset her,so its probably best not to say it to DS! MIL never said it again!!!

CharmQuark · 13/06/2014 19:53

It sounds as if she says these things in a tone of total love and affection and so your baby will pick up no negative connotations . Totally different from telling a child they are 'disgusting' in a serious tone .

She will move on to something different as be grows older. I wouldn't worry about it.

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