Aibu or is dh and my mother? Concerning Autism.

[Imsuchamess]

Dd is autistic when excited she screeches. When she is stressed she hums.

I think this is fine and if it comforts her to just leave it be.

Dh and my mother tell her to stop doing it.

I have been very I'll and to weak to argue for a long time, however I'm better now and just want to know who is right before I say something.

Do you have any support? Anyone who could talk to them about it?

You are right. She's stimming I assume because it helps her. This is part of her Autism and it's tough luck if they can't cope. My friend's 4 year old spins and hums and shouts....we have all learned to block it out. Obviously if you're in a cinema then you have to leave or whatever but at home...? She should be comfortable.

I think your right, however I know how annoying it is & some times you do just want DC to STOP!!

I don't know much about Autism, however if a small child makes noises or needs an item to feel comforted etc then I wouldn't deny them. The world is complicated and sometimes it makes my head hurt let alone someone very young. So that's the approach I would take when being with someone who has a learning difficulty or disability. Who am I to say how someone else should cope?

It's her way to express herself/ self soothe. Please let her continue as long as she's not harming herself or others.

I know exactly how annoying it can be, believe me, but as a psychologist said to me once regarding stimming, it's like telling a neurotypical person not to sneeze a second before they do it, impossible.

Tell them to have fun trying to stop it!

Toad hums constantly. And I do mean constantly. He is also echolalic and is currently repeating episodes of Thomas at me again.

All I ask now is for his 'indoor voice' when he gets a little too loud (excited/stressed).

It will never stop as it is comforting and helps process the big bad world.

Do they have an annoying little habit you could point out every time they do it?

I have the same thing with dd7 who has ASD, dh, mum and in laws telling dd to stop flapping, stop spinning about, and stop screeching. So annoying.

I think it's a totally personal choice tbh, and there's no right or wrong. Stimming can be for sensory relief, or comfort, but sometimes (I know in my ds's case) is sometimes boredom. We chose to find ways for him to channel into something more functional, when we could identify the 'boredom' stim, but I wouldn't ever stop him doing something if it gives him comfort as long as it's not harming himself or anyone else.

I was told once when ds was first dx when he was little, that a stim only matters if it stops the child doing something functional. Or of course if it's harmful (eg head banging). So eg in school if it was a 'barrier to learning' I would find ways of stopping it, and replacing with something else that didn't actually interfere with what he could be doing more positively.

The only thing I'd say with certainty is that just "telling her to stop doing it" is not a good way to stop it! If your dh and mum are not finding anything else for her to do to help replace the activity, help her feel more calm, or try and share in her excitement, it's downright cruel imho. There are much kinder and more constructive ways of helping a child to stop something, if that really is what they want to do.

How old is dd, and when was she diagnosed? Sometimes it takes a while for partners and parents to come to terms with it, and how it affects behaviour

My ds has ASD and also hums, squeaks, squeals, spins, flaps, etc. I'm quite immune to it now. He's 11, if I ask him to stop flapping he says "but I like it, it makes me happy".

They need to be more accepting.

YANBU.
People with autism will have issues with propriocption, (simply put, behaviours which serve a sensory need in order to feel OK with the world). I would think it likely your daughter uses vocalisations in order to stabilise her world.
It must be tricky when out and about but I'd let her go for it.
If folk try to stop this, she will find other ways of stabilising her world that may pose difficulties.

*proprioception.

Thanks all dd is nearly 5 she was diagnosed at 3. I think I will have a word to stop them doing that.

It's a coping mechanism. No way would I tell DS to stop one of his many quirks. This is him, he is not hurting anyone.

Happy to be corrected.
Though I have to say, its not how I understand it.(obviously) !

She needs OT input and possibly input from a behavioural expert.

I can imagine that your DH and MIL tell her to stop because it makes her stand out. What needs to happen is she needs to be given an alternative method of displaying excitement and nervousness that is more socially acceptable. This can be done relatively easily provided you have the right experts involved.

YANBU by the way, but neither is your DH. It's really difficult!

I find this interesting my dd (not autistic) hums when she is stressed or makes this weird high pitched noise, the problem I have is that I have serious noise sensitvty and it puts me right on edge, I try to just let her do it though, I think you should let them do it but the noise os like nails down a blackboard for me.

Yadnbu

Telling her to stop is pointless and will draw more attention to it and in fact make it a "problem" rather than it being something natural and comforting to your daughter.

But there might be things you could do to ensure DD is in a more calm alert state.

Have you tried brushing or joint compression to help with grounding?

Buy them, "Only when I jump" which explains why all these noises and is the translation of the diary of an autistic Japanese boy, translated by David Mitchell (I think - wrote "Cloud Atlas" but could have name wrong)

Brilliant book. Make them read it and they will see YANBU.

pulling on his penis when he gets excited we have to stop him he gets sore :-(

She does have ot. She used to repeatedly poke herself in the eye but I have managed to stop her doing that.

Can you get her some fidget toys to stim with instead? Would it even be possible to make someone that needs to feel their throat tickle from humming redirect it to something quieter?

Fidget Ball Something like that is quite nice. It's squeezable and feels different each time you squeeze and mold it.

Squeeze and pull Also seems nice with multipurpose.

Just google fidget toys for sensory needs/adhd and you'll get some pretty cool stuff that may be helpful.

Princessbabycat those look good thank you.

Thanks everyone there are lots of interesting suggestions here.