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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to suggest an alternative (again)

14 replies

littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 19:36

Trivial but gah!

Dsis has a habit of buying presents that she would like for herself for other people (yes we're probably all guilty of that to some level)

She sent me a message earlier today saying that she had bought something for herself (jewellery) and that it was on offer for half price, would my DD like the same thing for a birthday present (big birthday in 4 months).

I didn't see the message for a couple of hours and replied saying that I know for a fact DD doesn't like this style of jewellery, and in fact has passed on an item in a similar style to me recently. But could Dsis get X instead if she wanted an idea for something that would be welcomed by DD (and would also be useful!). (so first alternative suggestion)

Reply "Well it's too late now, she'll just have to accept it with a smile".

Now, DD (and I) will plaster smiles on our faces if necessary - but WIBU to say "Why don't you exchange it for something else from the range that you like, and get DD something different?" (second alternative suggestion, which I haven't made yet)

The item is 40 euro so it's not as though it is going to break the bank. Plus Dsis regularly spends twice that on handbags, so it's not as though I'm advising her to spend money on herself that she'd budgeted carefully for DD's pressie.

She's a history of riding roughshod over people (reduced DM to tears last year over assuming she could use DMs garden for a children's party with a bouncy castle without asking - even though I told her twice on email that she should ASK DM and DF first). DP's are not young and didn't fancy having to supervise 20 excited 7 yr olds while Dsis sat in the house eating cake (this has happened on several occasions and they have copped on so now refuse to host - Dsis lives in an apartment). In the end Dsis had to do a soft play party (which I helped at) but ranted to me about DPs and how "selfish" they are (they're not at ALL - have been extremely generous with time and money to her in particular over the last couple of yrs (marriage breakdown)

I'm a bit pissed off because

  1. she asked me what would DD like and then ignored me anyway and 2) DD has done a LOT for her in the last year (babysitting & rabbit feeding) and I really think that for a big birthday she should get something DD would actually LIKE and use. (and she's not that hard to buy for, I swear!)

I will be guided by the wisdom of all you lot. If you say I shouldn't say anything, DD will accept the pressie graciously, and afterwards I'll exchange it for something I like, and will give DD the money. Or perhaps I'll exchange it for something Dsis would like, and give it back to her for her own birthday!

OP posts:
littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 19:44

I am bumping this cos I am an attention seeker Grin

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littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 19:50

Ok I'm bumping again because this doesn't appear to be coming up in Active (nor in AIBU)

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Nospringflower · 12/06/2014 19:50

How do you think it will go down if you do say something?

Nospringflower · 12/06/2014 19:50

How do you think it will go down if you do say something?

littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 19:54

I'll have to phrase it very very carefully - she's the stubbornest person on earth. Will always do the opposite of what's suggested (in fact during her separation I intentionally DIDN'T mention she should get a solicitor, in case she dug her heels in and refused to get one!)

Also, if I keep quiet, she may decide to keep the item for herself and get DD something else. But we won't know till December.

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DearTeddyRobinson · 12/06/2014 19:58

Text her back, 'dsis of course she will accept with a smile, that's how I brought her up! But she won't like it, why don't you exchange it now for something else, I know she would be thrilled with a XYZ'

Nospringflower · 12/06/2014 19:58

I would say something. Could you say it along the lines of you know how much she wants to get the perfect present ....

littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 20:04

She doesn't want to get the perfect present though, she just wants to do what's easy! (cynical, moi?)

Might try Teddy's suggestion. Prepare for fallout!

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DearTeddyRobinson · 12/06/2014 20:10

Go for it. Sometimes people need to be told!!

HoneyBooBooChild · 12/06/2014 20:12

Could always accept with a smile, and hand it back over for xmas! Then stand back as the shit hits the fan

MaryWestmacott · 12/06/2014 20:14

How about "of course she'll accept it with a smile! But I know she won't wear it, can you pop in the reciept so she can return it or would you prefer to keep it for yourself and buy her something she will like?"

If she does neither, offer to buy it off your DD so she can get what she wants, and then regift it to your Dsis for christmas/birthday.

Whocansay · 12/06/2014 20:32

Nothing says 'Happy Birthday', quite like a gift that's been bought on offer as part of a deal for something hat you were buying for yourself.

Take it, and give it back to her for her birthday. With a smile, of course...

beanynamechange · 12/06/2014 21:41

I like marys reply...... Let us know the outcome!

littlewoollypervert · 12/06/2014 23:15

Think l'll try Mary's suggestion. Though Honey & Who - I'd be sooo tempted!

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