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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what goes on in their heads, sometimes?

23 replies

MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:11

Ds2 (17 nearly 18) goes to lots of 'gatherings'. I normally buy him a couple of bottles of cider to take, rather than let him get older friends to buy heaven knows what. (This isn't the AIBU bit!)

This time he wanted a particular cider (wild goji berry and tangerine or some such) that the local shop doesn't stock.

So, at midnight, on the way to bed, he asks if it's ok if he orders 4 bottles online (on his bank card - he has p/t job) from Tesco to save the 'hassle' of me getting it and him having to get cash to pay me back. After lengthy lecture about several reasons why it's not alright, I discover it is a done deal! Cue meltdown, (after which he cancelled the order).

What the hell was he thinking?

Scenario a)
Delivery driver pitches up with order of 4 bottles of cider to be met by teenager. Suspects nothing and happily hands order over without asking for i.d.

Scenario b)
I am fine with plan, agree to accept order, happy to become the talk of Tesco as delivery driver hands over £10 worth of cider for which I have apparently paid £3 delivery charge.

I'm sorry, but FFS, AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 10:15

You buy your son cider he orders cider and you are annoyed with tesco, you cant say ok son here is a cider its fine you are under age but I bought it but be raging at tescis for selling it to underagers

Lilaclily · 12/06/2014 10:18

I don't think Tesco would deliver it to him. ? You would have to be there

treaclesoda · 12/06/2014 10:20

Maybe he's wondering what goes on in your head that you're happy to buy him cider but then suddenly you aren't because he has ordered it online. I think you're giving him mixed messages tbh.

scarletforya · 12/06/2014 10:21

I'm confused. You let him have cider. But don't want the tesco driver to know?

I don't understand about being 'the talk of tesco' either.....do you mean for buying booze and nothing else?

Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:22

No, you've missed the point Mrsjayy. Confused I'm not cross with Tesco, I am cross with my son.

As I clearly said (if you'd read it in Scenario a), I don't think for a moment that the Tesco delivery driver would have handed over cider to him without asking for i.d. My astonishment is that ds would ever have thought that would happen

OP posts:
chocolatemademefat · 12/06/2014 10:25

I used to do this for my youngest son when he was sixteen/seventeen for 'gatherings'. A few years later I now know he shared it out then clubbed together with his friends to buy vodka (purchased by the older brother of one of his friends).
Thing is - we all know it goes on and personally I think as long as he's being sensible (not getting rat-arsed on a regular basis) its better to give them some leeway.
I definately wouldn't be pleased about him ordering it from Tesco himself so I don't think YABU at all! Good luck making him see things your way.

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 10:25

But your son is 17 and thinks tesco will deliver cider to him I am really confused he ordered cider to save you going to get the flavour he wants,

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2014 10:26

He was doing it to "save you the hassle". In other words, you were fine with it, and would happily have trotted down to Tesco yourself to provide him with cider. But having it delivered is different...
Why?

treaclesoda · 12/06/2014 10:27

Ok, I missed your point as well.

But I don't think your original point was as clear to me reading it as it was to you typing it. I read it the same as Mrsjayy, that you thought Tesco might hand it over with no ID and that was your aibu.

Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:28

Yes, obviously no-one in their right mind would do a Tesco shop for 4 bottles of cider! (Or maybe that's normal practice for some?) It would have been more acceptable if he had done my whole grocery shop for me.

I am astonished that my ds could think that a) Tesco would deliver alcohol to him without i.d. or b) that I would be happy to take it for him. I don't know which he thought was the most likely, as clearly neither was going to happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:31

What the hell was he thinking?

Scenario a)
Delivery driver pitches up with order of 4 bottles of cider to be met by teenager. Suspects nothing and happily hands order over without asking for i.d.

How can this mean anything other than - How the hell could ds think this would happen?

My post is about the unfathomable workings of ds's mind.

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 12/06/2014 10:34

I understand both your amazement at your DS and his inability to comprehend why this was a problem.
When I was a couple of years younger than he is, I was roundly chastised by a friend's father for neatly stacking our (illicitly purchased) haul of booze in their very bijou entrance hall prior to heading off to a gathering. I couldn't understand what his problem was, after all, it was only going to be there for an hour or so. This dad was super scary - think Basil Fawlty at his most psychotic!

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 12/06/2014 10:36

But scenario b is mad - why wouldn't you take it for him if you would happily buy it in the shop? I suspect would be his quite fair point.

As if the delivery driver could muster even half a shit, you could be having a bbq or have forgotten it or just really like cider. I know shelf stacking and pallet loading can get boring, but you really aren't interesting enough to be the talk of anywhere, even tbere.

You're either fine with enabling his taking booze to parties or you aren't.

Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:36

It's different floggingmolly because Tesco wouldn't hand it over to him at the door. I would be then put in the position of looking completely unhinged, if I took in four bottles of cider which had been ordered online, and delivered in a van. No-one would do that!!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 12/06/2014 10:37

Oh I get you now sorry missed the whole point yes he was a bit daft to order just 4 bottkes and nothing else guess growing up in the online world everything is just a click away

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 12/06/2014 10:40

That is assuming he thought you would accept the order and not be waiting in for it himself because no he wouldn't be able to sign for it. That is no worse than the usual teen hope that used to lead to trying tour luck at the bar known for not always checking I'd. But really the unfathomable workings of his mind are quite fathomable - you are fine with it, you'll be in to take it, he's paid, job done.

The rest is confused by your arbitrary delivery rules tbh.

Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:44

I'm fine with him taking cider to parties,Bernard but not with him ordering 4 items from Tesco and having them delivered, when if he'd thought, he would have known that I would have to be involved. His delivery slot was 2-3 on Friday, so not bbq time, and if I did want cider delivered, I'd order a crateful, not 4 bottles!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 10:49

Grin @ Bluestocking Did you get to take your stash to the gathering, or was it confiscated?

OP posts:
BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 12/06/2014 11:00

But shopping isn't delivered specifically designated to its mealtime. Not bbq time at 2 but maybe a mere 4 hours later.
Sometimes I have my shopping delivered at 10am - I don't need to eat it all for brunch.

It's an intrinsic part of the arrangement that you will have to be involved due to his age.
You may not have ordered it like that but um, how is anyone else meant to know that?
I've had a few forgotten items delivered, that's just how it worked out at the time.
It's not wrong to do what he did just not exactly what you would do. If he wants to waste £3 on a delivery charge pout of his own money, up to him really.

He should have asked first but he didn't - the rest, I'm completely failing to see your problem. Or why the poor sod got a bollocking for it.

Original poster
MrsRuffdiamond · 12/06/2014 11:20

It's an intrinsic part of the arrangement that you will have to be involved due to his age.

Yes! my point exactly. It became clear that he had not in fact thought through that I would have to be involved. I think he thought that as he would be at home at that time (he's in 6th Form and has no classes then), he could take delivery.

And I do maintain that ordering £10 worth of cider (4 bottles) and having a van deliver it at a cost of £3 would make you look like a bit of a knob.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/06/2014 11:28

Not to worry - next time he'll do the sensible thing and order boxes and boxes of munchies to take with him too Grin sorry, not helpful

Theas18 · 12/06/2014 11:37

Depends on the 17yr old I guess! I'm on the fence.

He ordered a sensible amount of booze that you've allowed before, on his own card - so his look out if he wants to pay £1 per bottle delivery ....

The issue is, I think " would tesco hand it over" .

Certainly at 17 my DS would not be ID checked - he has looked 21 for a loong time. My almost 21 (now) daughter is ID checked every time- even when buying booze for him in the pub when he was 18!

calculatorsatdawn · 12/06/2014 11:37

I would be then put in the position of looking completely unhinged, if I took in four bottles of cider which had been ordered online, and delivered in a van. No-one would do that!!

I have a couple of friends that deliver online groceries, as long as they didn't have to carry it up 10 flights of stairs they couldn't give the first crap what you ordered.

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