Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit tired of having to explain myself

19 replies

mumaa · 12/06/2014 08:56

I am fortunate enough to be included & invited to evenings out which is great. Most people in general are off at the weekend so naturally these usually take place on a Fri/Sat night. Due to the nature of my DHs job he works all weekend, not that unusual these days I don't think. And for his job, he needs to leave at 6.30am.

We have a toddler who usually wakes around 6am so often, when I am invited to things at the weekend I will take the car, so that I can enjoy the evening without the hangover/toddler combo or I will have a drink but get the last bus home so I am not too late & also saves money on taxis and the like.

This doesn't bother me, my DH has always worked all weekend, this isn't a new thing, what is bothering me though is constantly having to explain this to people, my close friends get it and understand but wider circles are saying to me "oh no, you haven't brought the car again!" or if I say I can't go to an overnight thing they tell me surely I could and start quizzing me can't your husband take care of your DD or your Mum or your MIL. Its starting to put me off being in the company of certain people however, their company comes with the company of others who don't interrogate me. The last time I was quizzed I got a bit snappy with this particular woman as she was going on & on & on... I felt bad for snapping but am really fed up of having to explain myself AIBU? Of course I have been to special events, i.e. weddings/hen nights/bdays when I have just dealt with having a hangover the next day but it isn't fun.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 12/06/2014 08:59

Rather than explaining yourself craft a phrase that turns it back on them - along the lines of 'why do you find my choice so challenging?'. I am sure someone else will be along with a witty version soon.

Joysmum · 12/06/2014 09:00

I never mind driving either. Those who are important know me well enough, those who don't really don't matter.

Shnickyshnackers · 12/06/2014 09:22

sounds completely tiresome to have to 'justify' yourself, as the poster suggest up thread, i would work out a short reply that should hopefully shut them up. Something like "I dont have to get drunk to enjoy myself, thanks'. or something better than that!

Objection · 12/06/2014 09:26

Can't you just say "Please stop asking me that. You know DH works weekends"
That would shut most people up that I know.

pluCaChange · 12/06/2014 09:39

How boring. Perhaps they're people with so little conversation that they seize on other people to provide them with a "problem" to solve (to your astonished and grateful wonder, of course). Can you avoid talking to them altogether, or remind them, "You went on about that last time," and change the subject, or tell them you need the car to run someone over.

Original poster
mumaa · 12/06/2014 10:20

Thanks all... I am definitely going to have to think up a good witty retort for any future interrogations.

I doubt the lady in question whom I got a bit narked with will be asking me about it again. I did initially try the polite approach, I said I would have a think about it (next outing was suggested to be an overnighter) but as DH works it can be a bit tricky. She said to me its not tricky and how does her stepson and wife manage to go to things when they have children?

I just kind of saw red and got quite snappy, then I was irritated because I felt like "the bad one" afterward for snapping at her yet she was poking at me all night. Grrr, yes, very boring indeed!

OP posts:
LastingLight · 12/06/2014 10:38

Try
"How interesting that you feel you can ask me that/say that to me"
"Why is it so important to you?"

WorraLiberty · 12/06/2014 10:42

If you keep having to explain the same thing over and over, just tell them you've given up alcohol because you've heard it affects the memory Wink

LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 12/06/2014 10:44

I know how you feel, my OH works shifts and weekends, and I work weekends so it's not easy for me to do stuff, people just don't get it!

Why not say next time, oh I'm pregnant with quads, if nothing else it might stun them into silence :o

CheeryName · 12/06/2014 10:49

I have a similar situation, I find that some people understand it and some people don't. I don't bother spending time with the people who don't. Problem solved :)

Original poster
mumaa · 12/06/2014 10:50

haha I like the sound of that one worra

Funny, littlemiss I had actually considered just saying I was preggo just to silence them, but then I would have got 'oh well, you can still come away' blah! Annoying isn't it! like I say, doesn't actually bother me, he's always worked these hours, having to explain it to everyone is quite tiresome.

Had considered getting a flyer printed off with his hours on it, haha DH has a day off mid week so I did say "however, if anyone is up for going away on a Tuesday night, let me know, DH is off the Wednesday so that works out fine, would be cheaper aswell!" was met with Shock silence and nervous giggling!

OP posts:
DoomDeer · 12/06/2014 11:45

I'm with you on this one. DP works shirts and mainly weekends, if i'm invited to anything I have to bring DD with me or if its in the evening quite often not go or go by myself.

I constantly get interrogated about my situation. HEre's some of my best lines for you :)

for "why can't (relative) look ater DC?" reply: "Tonight's the night of their monthly swingers party"

for "oh, DP not with you again?" reply: "OH no, he's with his other wife tonight"

generally sarcastic comments will shut people up without putting anyone's back up so long as people know you're joking. Although starting a rumor your DP has anther wife could be funny.

CheeryName · 12/06/2014 11:48

I once worked out that whatever the time/day there is an 80% likelihood that I would not be able to attend. So when I tell people that they are mainly understanding.

Original poster
mumaa · 12/06/2014 11:49

haha loving this doom

Ah yes, the 'DP not with you again' comment. It has only taken the best part of a decade for my own Dad to stop asking this one, the other wife comment would have been so much better than "He's. At. Work" repeated in bored monotone...

OP posts:
DoJo · 12/06/2014 11:54

'To be honest, I can't face a whole night of you interrogating me about my childcare arrangements.'

VitoCorleone · 12/06/2014 12:09

I have similar but with alcohol, I'm teetotal, and ive had people say "oh just have a drink, one wont hurt, go on, go on, go on" like Mrs Doyle on fucking acid.

Luckily most people accept that i dint do booze and its usually very pissed people who try and get me to drink.

AgentDiNozzo · 12/06/2014 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 12/06/2014 16:41

I do have the occasional drink but most of the time i drive. When people say to me 'Go on have some fun have a drink etc' I end up saying 'I dont need a drink to have fun' 'I dont understand why people need to drink to have fun' anything that puts the rude git on the spot.

pluCaChange · 13/06/2014 09:00

I thought Mrs Doyle was already on acid.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread