to take DD's piano books out to the garden and burn them?

[oneofthegiantsisme]

I won't, obviously, because that would be a shocking waste, but I bloody well feel like it at the moment. She failed her grade 3 exam back in April, because she didn't practise enough, so is retaking it in July, and is going to fail again, because SHE WILL NOT BLOODY PRACTISE!

I've just been up to remind her, and she said "I'm coming at the end of this song" (she is in her bedroom listening to music) - that was 4, or maybe 5, songs ago. Now it's nearly bedtime and she has done no practice at all.

Aaaaaargh.

Give the books away.

I am sitting looking at the very expensive upgrade piano I bought for my son after he had been playing for a few years. 2 months after buying it, he announced that he was giving up and it has not been played since - I have never quite forgiven him.

Cut your losses and burn the books now!

There was a great thread on here a while ago about this sort of things with lots of suggestions. My Dd can be similar, she plays the violin. We were doing out nut up until recently, she LOVED playing, loved her teacher, was thrilled to pass her grade but would not bloody practise! Anyway, her teacher told her to do no more than 10 mins but to do it every single day. Do you know, it has totally done the trick. She does play every single day and usually for more than 10 mins out of choice but we never tell her to do more, it is a brilliant mental strategy that has totally worked for her. Good luck!

Leave it then

If she doesn't want to do it, what's the point?

Sorry, just to add, much as it pained me, we were at the point of saying "you either practise or stop lessons".

Let her stop. Life's to short to force DCs into things like this.

YANBU. We are fighting our way towards piano grade 5 in a couple of weeks and at the current rate there is no way DD is going to pass it! Having said that I did manage to drag her 2 brothers through their exams earlier in the year but it involved a lot of time and effort from me sitting with them! We then decided we would back off from exams for a while and guess what-both of them want to work on their next grade pieces! Arggggghhh! I would strike that match now!

My brother was a pianist. He began lessons aged about 7, IIRC, and I remember my parents having battles with him over the years about his not practising.

They wouldn't let him give up and when he was about 12 or 13 it all clicked and he willingly practised for several hours a day. When he was 16 he won a place at a specialist music school to do his A levels. He was always glad that the parents refused to let him stop his lessons.

So, not being keen on practise now doesn't necessarily mean that it won't come together at some point. Good luck.

Doesn't sound as if she is fussed about it - I'd let her stop (or play just for fun).

(BTW tangerine I second the 10 mins a day trick!)

How brilliant for your brother LastMinute. My Dd has just recently started playing her violin outside of her set pieces for her grade in a little band with her friends. It is really exciting to see her pick it up and try to work out how to play various pop songs on it. I think if your child has worked hard for several years to learn an instrument it is very hard to just let them give it up.....full knowing that most adults seem to regret doing so later on in life.

She has already decided (she thinks) that she wants to give up learning, so I'm just trying to nursemaid her through the last few weeks until the exam. Since she's been entered (her choice), I'd like to see her pass. She will feel much better in the future if she knows she can come back from failure.

She's down and practising now, and I can actually hear her, so she's not just sitting and daydreaming, which is her usual trick .

I hated practising. Used to do a panicy 20mins before my lesson. Still got grade 8 piano and clarinet though somehow. Just hated practising stuff. I did A-level music and sing in choirs now. Ride it out for now if she doesn't want to stop.

I know exactly how you feel. We spent years paying for piano lessons and because dd wouldn't practice her teacher wouldn't even let her take her grade 1. It took me a long time but I just realised dd was enjoying playing games with me. She changed schools and I stopped piano lessons. I wished I had taken my own advice two years previous to this as it would have saved an awful lot of grief and a hell of a lot of money

Why though?! Why are you "fighting" to get your kids to learn the sodding piano? If they don't enjoy it leave it. The only kids who are any good at this stuff want to do it and they are a small minority. I think a lot of parents force their kids to learn instruments for their own gratification. I was forced and haven't gone near a piano for over 30 years. My worst childhood memories involved a piano. Badminton I learned as a kid because I enjoyed if I still play. Just give up.

Anyone want to buy a drumkit? It's a good one -hardly used

She's 14, by the way, so I don't think she's suddenly going to develop a great talent for it, and I do hope she doesn't regret giving up, but life is too short to keep battling over this. If she could pass exams without practising I wouldn't worry, but clearly she can't!

if your child has worked hard for several years to learn an instrument it is very hard to just let them give it up.....full knowing that most adults seem to regret doing so later on in life.

I certainly regret giving up the violin when I was a teen. Funnily enough, my parents didn't object to my quitting - the noise of violin practise must have been horrendous compared to the piano.

OK, I was never going to be a female Nigel Kennedy but I regret not giving it more of a go.

I suppose because KERALA kids are not always actually hating everything about playing. They sometimes really love being in an orchestra or their actual lessons, they just hate practising. I think it is a human condition. I used to do alot of running. Most of the time I didn't want to go out and train but once I was out and doing it and had done it I was really happy!

Is it so hard to start playing again if you regret giving up?

True LastMinute! In the early days I wished Dd had chosen a different instrument!

She has never been forced to learn the piano - she chose to do it, has chosen to continue, and chose to be entered for the exams. She has always said she likes playing and wants to carry on - it's only this week she has talked about giving up - but the exam is already booked and paid for, so we've said she should make her mind up after the exam.

I agree with those who are saying it's not worth it if she's not enjoying it. But she could play for fun. That's what I did from Grade 3 onwards (violin). My teacher found suitable music for me which enabled me to improve and become a good violinist without the pressure and drudgery of practising for an exam (sometimes the grade pieces are a bit dull, or just plain wierd, and practising them over and over again is so soul destroying!). Music should be fun - otherwise why do it?

Alternatively, have you considered another instrument at all, maybe an orchestral or band instrument? I loved playing in orchestras, might she prefer playing in a group?

I agree with tangerinefairy dd enjoyed having lessons and was actually quite good she just wouldn't practice

You can learn at any age surely.

My best friend at school was good at the violin really good, took it seriously was in a youth orchestra it was a big part of her life. But to do that you have to want to do it for yourself not because mummy is nagging you to do it. I see my friend doing this to her primary age kids and it makes me uncomfortable and gives me flashbacks!