To think this man is an arse?

[MrsKoala]

I am having a very difficult time so may be U and over reacting.

DH and I are currently in the process of buying a house. The bank have been a shower of shite all the way thru so far. They are now saying they want a damp report. Fine. The vendor is getting pissy and wants all this rushed thru. I called a local man on Sat, who says he absolutely snowed under and the earliest he can get to the agents to collect the keys is Weds avo/Thursday. Last night (Tues) i get an email from him with no text, just 'Attn Mrs Koala, From Man' and there are 2 attachments. Both are just guides. One to woodworm and one to damp. So i thought he was just sending pre-information.

Today i emailed him to say would he still be able to do the quote today and he rudely sent one back saying he doesn't understand my sentence. I then sent one saying sorry i thought he would be at the property today and i was a little confused. He sent one saying he went to the property yesterday and sent thru the quote last night. I said i hadn't realised he had already been to the house as he was adamant he couldn't do it before Weds, and tho he had sent 2 attachments they just appeared to be general info and nothing specific to our house.

He then sent another terse message saying in amongst it is also an attachment for recommended work and a quote. He ended with this 'i really do not know what more one can do for people' and no sign off.

I feel that's really rude of him, regardless of whether i have what he says he sent (which i don't, i have re-read and re-read it and so has DH and we can't see what he's referring to).

Anyway, I know he doesn't know this but my nan died on Monday. My MIL has cancer and had extensive surgery yesterday and DH is staying with PILS for 2 weeks. Leaving me with a difficult 21mo - who i had at the paediatrician last week and they have suggested he my have ASD. I am trying to sort out buying/moving house (and i have also just been informed the garden is actually leasehold but the house is freehold - so more paperwork and hassle). I am learning to drive and have my test next week, so i am driving 4 hrs a day with the toddler in the back. I am massively pregnant and have placenta preavia.

Honestly i just don't need rudeness on top of it all. And while he doesn't know all this, i would expect someone to be polite and professional. I have let this upset me far too much and have even cried a little at the email

Okay, now you can all tell me AIBU. :)

yanbu. He's a grade A dick. use someone else.

YANBU, appalling "service" and he wouldn't be getting my money tbh.

I can totally see why you feel as you do but if you isolate the dealings with him from everything else (and it is a hell of a lot) then its fairly standard dialogue with a tradesman tbh. I have posted on here before about unclear or untimely communication, things being done at the wrong time / badly / not at all etc. It sounds like he doesn't need the work and doesn't really want the job, so probably best to go elsewhere. I hope everything else sorts itself out and good luck for your test and birth

Reply to his email:

I am unwilling to employ someone who finds it difficult to be clear in his native language.

You told me you were visiting the property on Thursday. I am afraid my psychic skills are clearly not powerful as I did not know you had already paid a visit.

Your attachments are vague and not professional.

I will be finding another service provider who is both courteous and professional.

You sir, are neither.

All the best now.

winkywinkola that is a truly amazing response. OP you must send that!

Ooohh yes do what winky said.

And ffs have a and some you've got a hell of a lot on your plate.

Yabu if you didn't tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck

and once there to fuck off some more!

MrsK

I wouldn't be buying a house with damp and woodworm. The vendor should sort it or drop the price.

I would send the email back to him asking him to highlight the quote within the attachments. I bet he's sent the wrong attachments or forgotten one completely. But I also wouldn't employ him again.

Thanks all.

Youthecat - As far as we are aware the house does not have damp or woodworm. We had a very expensive and extensive building report done by someone from the RICS and they assured us the moisture was due to a leaking roof which needed fixing - the price was dropped accordingly to deal with this issue. Then the banks valuer has said there is moisture so we need a damp course treatment - or at least a specialist valuation. So we thought fine (the house is old and does need completely replastering) so we are happy to do a damp treatment as a precaution while it's being done up.

Just re-read the email chain and in one i say 'apologise, there seems to be some confusion, i thought you were not going to the property till today' and he replies 'i managed to squeeze you in on Tuesday. No confusion here!!!' (his exclamation marks) dancingbear is right - what a dick.

This may be why he was the only one who could do it at short notice!

First (((mrskoala))) - it sounds like you have far too much on your plate and I'm so sorry about your nan.

And second, send winky's reply. However pissy the vendor is being, it's not worth paying a really rude and unprofessional man good money. It will nark you forever more

MrsKoala yes he is a dick.

Have you been given much advice on the Placenta praevia (sorry for the hijack). I had it twice so am happy to field any questions you have.

That's kind Audit. I haven't been told much. A couple of people have said i need to rest and take it easy, others have said just carry on as usual. It may move naturally (in all probability it will) but i am terrified of having a c-section. And lots of drs and MW casually saying 'oh, yeah just have a c-section' fills me with dread. I had a truly horrendous birth with DS. 42+3 (3 day labour), induced, forceps, shoulder dystocia, bad 3rd degree tears, double incontinence and physio for months, hard horrible scar tissue. But for some reason i am more scared of a c-section. (I am also just scared of the birth in general tbh but have fantasies of a 'pleasant' experience this time)

oh ffs! i have put the job (full details with location) on a find a tradesperson type website and had a few responses asking to be shortlisted for it. When i click okay and they get forwarded my phone number they 'decline' to be shortlisted. Why put yourself up for it if you don't want it?

It appears no one wants to do the job :(

I feel so fucking defeated by it all. Not sure why i'm tying this into the void, I am just venting and have no one in RL to talk to.

The thing is, its not a 'job' youre offering, its a detailed written quotation, almost a survey, on a house you might be buying. That explains the reluctance to spend hours on a quote for work they might not get and which you will use in place of a specialist survey to convince the bank to lend you money.

He doesn't know about what's going on in your life, he may have problems of his own. And he (and other businesses) probably want to concentrate on actual paying clients.

Neither the bank or this business are being U. Some damp proof specialists are now charging for quotations because it involves giving survey type specialist information which will be passed on to a third party.

You will find if you pay for a report from a structural surveyor, you will get a much better response. Usually a few hundred pounds for a basic one.

Even if he did do a quote, he attached the wrong thing, AND has shown a shitty attitude.

You're not in a void, dear. Although, sadly, it's probably the very richness of your RL ties which is bringing you pain at the moment. Nevertheless, what is pain on your side is comfort for your MIL , DH and others: you're still there for them.

Cut back the driving lessons for now. It will give you extra time and the extra time out of the car seat will let your toddler work off a bit of steam at this pressured moment.

I see what you are saying Chelsy but that is not what i'm asking for. I'm just asking for an email which says you need x done and our quote is y. Then as i had already asked him if he could do the work mid July i would have booked him no problems, which i told him as we just want to get the work done. I was also happy to pay for a 'report' but he didn't mention that when i booked him and just said he'd be happy to do a quote. I have now contacted someone who sounds good and has said he will go Monday - i am paying him £100 because that's what he charges.

My dad is an electrician and never charges for quotes or estimates and no one in a trade who i know does. I understand if you have loads of people asking who have no intention of retaining you, then charge, and as i said if he had said the charge is x, i would have happily paid. But i would have been cross if i had have paid and he communicated with me like that.

We have already paid £600 for our building survey from a member of RICS. So we are happy with the building. We are also happy to do a damp course if that's what the bank wants. We just wanted a straight forward answer.

[Oh and as an aside the bank are BU (but i already know that which is why i didn't ask aibu about them - not because of wanting the extra work, but) because they have bodged this mortgage up and told us contradictory info from the beginning. Last Tuesday they sent out the 'valuation report' only it wasn't, it was some other couples entire mortgage application, address, bank details, phone, email, earnings etc. they promised to resend the right stuff on tues and i still haven't got it. every time i call they tell me something completely different and refuse to resend the docs, as their records show they've sent it. i'm just about to call them again now for my daily dose of frustration and kafkaesque futility.]

Plu - thanks, i can't cut back on the driving as my test is next Fri and i really need to take it before my written test expires in July.

Mrs Koala,
Please do not be scared of a C Section if required- I have had three and each one a far more pleasant experience than you describe for your first (including recovery). It might be a planned section might actually take a hec of a lot of stress off your shoulders.
I am sorry about your son, I hope you get lots of support around the dx.

I third winkywink's suggestion too- perfect!

i love Winkys email too but i don't reckon i'll hear from him again. my last email basically told him we did not have the attachments and would need him to resend. Which he didn't answer and i assume he's happy to let the work go.

Anyway, the guy i've got now seems professional and friendly and personable. So i am happy with him.

You are possibly right about the section. But it's still freaking me out! i'm a right wuss :)

OMG that is absolutely shocking about the bank! You could so report them for that - that's a massive breach of confidentiality.

Glad you have someone else to do the survey. And I agree with Vacant - my CS was an absolute breeze. And do pop over to the SN board about your DS if you haven't already. Lots of people willing to listen who get it x

Mrs Koala glad you've got someone different.

I'd suggest that if you want to kick the bank up their posterior and into being more cooperative you should warn them that you are considering referring them to the information commissioner in respect of their breach of the data protection act by mistakenly sending out the personal details of other customers.

And in respect of the c section try not to worry.

I've had two, one emergency and one elective.

The emergency though worrying still sounds better than your experience and the elective was so relaxed and one of the best days of my life. And I'm scared of hospitals!

Thanks :)

In regard to the bank, once this ordeal is over i will contact the necessary people. Their 'service' has been appalling from the start. We made our mortgage app for a date in March, DH had morning off work, Mum had morning off work to have DS and when we got to the bank they had booked it in for the same date in April by accident. When we then rearranged (had to go to another branch for a sooner app) we had the 2 hour app and the guy said he'd fax over all our signed docs which we left with him to the underwriters and they would then be in touch. 2 weeks later i called to check progress and they said the docs had still not been received by underwriters and were waiting for US to send them in. Called the mortgage guy who said he hadn't sent them thru yet and they were still on his desk as he'd 'forgotten'.

Then they sent out some poor other buggers personal info. The original guy i spoke to said the valuation had come back fine and all was approved. The next person the following day told me it actually wasn't fine and they were with holding £10k of the mortgage. Someone called me about the sending out personal info of the other person and while i was on the phone asking questions we were 'cut off' and they didn't call back and i had to call them and chase up, but they had updated my notes saying all had been resolved (it hadn't). They would not tell me which documents we needed for the appointments till the day before, despite me continually phoning and asking and them assuring me someone would let me know 'in good time to gather it up'. It's been like getting a mortgage with the marx brothers, but with less laughs. The name of the bank rhymes with Twat Nest btw. But sadly i think they are all as bad as each other now. Service in all banks i have used has been appalling. It just makes me so cross.