To really hate driving. Please tell me it gets better!

[Sahkoora]

I passed my test a month ago, second try. I passed but I technically shouldn't have; I hit the kerb during my manoeuvre, though everything else was ok.

I also did my lessons and test in a different town from the one I live in. I moved towns while learning and didn't want to change instructors or start again, so I carried on.

The day I passed I felt reasonably confident to drive by myself, but since then, my confidence has eroded. Driving is terrifying, my parking is crap and there are so many things that lessons never covered. Now I don't feel confident to do anything but the smallest of journeys, absolutely not why I wanted to drive.

DH has come out with me a few times to help and advise me, but he's never helped a learner before and he doesn't really like it. He's always wincing and getting nervous when I do things that I thought were minor, he thinks I use the handbrake too much and don't turn corners properly which is making me drift about in the lane, but my instructor never mentioned any of this to me. It could be that I am driving in my own car now, which is bigger and wider and considerably more of an old banger than my instructor's.

I feel like I'm not really safe to drive the DC, I keep telling myself I must be, I wouldn't have passed my test otherwise and my instructor let me drive with her DC in the car and thinks I'm a good driver.

Part of the problem is that the town I live in is so much bigger than the one I learned in, the roundabouts are huge and complicated compared and I would just like to drive them with someone else a few times first so I know what lanes to be in etc, but DH thinks I should just get on with it by myself.

I can't drive without my heart pounding at the moment, I just hate it and would do anything to get out of it. I don't want to be like this, I learned to drive to give myself some freedom and I feel a bit like I wasted my money.

Please tell me it gets better! Any tips to build my confidence?

There is no shame in taking a few more lessons or doing a pass plus!

Find another instructor and explain to them that you feel you could use some "fine tuning"

How old are your children?

If they're in school go out on your own during the day. Drive to somewhere about 20 miles away for lunch - like a shopping village. You need exposure with no one in the car.

Alternately go out late at night on your own. The roads are much quieter and night driving is a bit harder vision wise so day driving will seem easier in comparison.

You just need practise. - in six months you will be swearing and giving folk the finger

Pass plus is a great idea. Make sure you use your own car.

I think you should maybe take the car out by yourself, if you can, during the day when things are quieter. I suggest by yourself so you don't have to listen to flinching and unhelpful comments. Drive around the places you want to go to and eventually your confidence will grow. Give yourself time and take it steady.
I drive a little pap-pap car and whenever I borrow hubby's seven seater it feels like I'm driving a tank and I cannot park near other cars :)
My mother took her test later in life and loved the independence that driving gave her but she could never turn right as it made her nervous. So she would do three left turns and a straight over instead. Every time. For twenty years. :)

DC are 5 and 2, neither in school at the moment as DS1 has autism and couldn't get a special school place until Sept so that is another problem. I ALWAYS have the kids with me!

I think you are right about needing practice. I don't feel like a "proper" driver, I feel like a fraud. I've asked about Pass Plus and my instructor said she would order me a pack. I also asked her about some extra lessons in my town but she hasn't managed to fit me in yet. I'm sure that will help.

It gets much better.

I passed my test 8 months ago.

It took me 6 months to feel really confident. In the first few months I passed, I would come home from a drive stiff as hell from being so tense and scared.

I still have the odd moment when I am driving somewhere new that I feel a bit nervous, but not to the extent that I did.

I still suck at parking and will park further away than I need to so I can get a space I can easily drive into. I like to think I am a very good driver now, but I did find it all very difficult at first. I can reverse park if there is no other choice but I will avoid it where possible.

Worryingly, I think you learn to drive more after you pass your test. Lessons help with the basics and make sure you are safe enough on the roads, but it wasn't until I was out on my own that I really learnt how to drive, if that makes sense.

And yes, now I get annoyed by other drivers and swear quite a lot.

Just carry on, get some more lessons if you need to and one day, you will feel confident and enjoy it. I promise.

I passed last month and found that its best to drive without dh. I take the kids with me if im running an errand though. When dh sat with me I stalled7 times! Pushing yourself slowly over your comfort limits help too. I would just drive to nursery then upto the shops then upto the village and do some parking. Its about practice.


its getting harder for me now as bump is getting the steering wheel lol

My DD1 took many goes to pass her test to the point that when she did pass her test she didn't feel like a real driver and her confidence was eroded. Add this to being at uni and not getting any driving practice over the past 2 years she felt very anxious and hated driving.

However since returning from uni and driving almost every day since then because she has to get herself to work, she has become much more confident and says she now feels like a real driver.

I guess it just takes time to build confidence. I hated driving too when i first started and now i am happy to drive almost everywhere. Give yourself time and try small journeys on your own for a while.

Hi have been drivi g for almost 20 years and still get nervous. Dont worry, you will get more confident as time goes by

Ps my eldest is currently being dx for asd. Doesnt help when theu have a meltdown but I try not to think about that lol

Do Pass Plus and take any chance you can to drive alone. Don't take DH - helping a learner or new driver is an art in itself and most of us have not got it.

But persevere. Remember that a parent of either sort is really just a chauffeur without a peaked cap

Good luck!

YANBU about DH going with you just to inspire confidence if you want to feel safe driving yourself and your DCs around.

But as he is critical and a bag of nerves as a passenger, you're better off paying for a professional instructor. You recently passed your test. No shame in admitting to inexperience and being unfamiliar with the town.

If you are unencumbered with the DCs at weekends with DH home, driving with no deadline is easier. Look up routes on Street view beforehand so you see junctions and lanes and know where you're headed.

I'm sure your instructor is lovely but if she's not corrected you already I doubt she will now.

Might be worth trying someone else.

Practice makes perfect. I also hated driving , now i'm ok with it. After 7 years of driving i'm still crap at parking (only can park reversing into the bay, driving straight into it or paralell parking are out of the question). It gets better :)

and i no longer panic when i get lost as this is the best way to get to know the town, also driving to random address doesn't require planning weeks ahead and memorising the route

I also think you should go out solo. Having someone with you, whether they are rolling their eyes or being helpful, will not turn you into a confident driver. Take the car out by yourself, make a few mistakes and get out of them yourself, get comfortable with your abilities and build your confidence.

I've had a licence for 18 years (half my life!) and it took me a long time to fell like a proper driver. It wasn't until I had to drive 300 miles on my own with 3 very young children that I felt like I had it sussed - until then I had always had someone else in the car with me. I realised how much I had relied on DH's judgement, checking with him if I needed to change lanes, ok to park in this space etc. I would suggest motorway lessons if you are not confident and as others have suggested, pass plus might help.

No one is born knowing how to drive and passing your test is just the start. Get out there and drive as much as you can.

Go with someone else in the town you will be driving around. At least they will give you an honest appraisal of what you need to do to improve, rather than test focused lessons.

It's totally normal to feel like that. I remember when I passed my test - the first few times of going out in my car on my own thinking to myself "I am gonna die in this car"

Maybe have some extra lessons, do your pass plus to give you a bit of confidence.

I still don't like driving my DH about, he is a terrible back seat driver but then I don't think I am a great passenger either, always pressing on an imaginary brake :)

It does get better and you will get more confident and before you know it you will be whizzing about all over the place without giving it a second thought.

I passed in February. The first time I went out on my own (I thought I'd go and get my son from nursery in the car as it would be "quicker" - hahahaha!) it was terrible - I stalled all over the place, got confused about whether or not I could turn right at a particular junction and ended up driving for 20 minutes as after that it was no right turn! But it is getting better.

Parking is my bugbear - I am not brilliant at judging tight spaces and have had a couple of scrapes on walls.

I also got into a horrible situation on a very steep, single-lane road when I was going up and met another car coming down. I stalled and slid backwards for a short distance and bumped a wall. I thought that would have totally shot my confidence, but in fact, because I managed to start the car up again and move safely into a spot to allow the other vehicle to pass, then reversed out into the road and got up a 20% incline, I was quite pleased with myself.

I beat myself up about my lack of parking ability, but my husband points out that he totalled two cars about a year after passing his test, and my scrapes are minor. I now feel much more confident doing ordinary driving than I did before; I've done motorways and a 80 mile return trip on my own. Keep going, OP, it will get better, I promise. You don't sound as though you've made nearly as many mistakes as me!

Do pass plus.

Go and practice on your own with no DH or kids. Go to a big supermarket car park and practice reverse bay parking at the far corner which will be nice an empty. Find a quiet wide road and practice parallel parking. Take yourself off on longer journeys.

Like everything, it needs practice. And if you practice in low stress situations you'll be much better when trying to park on a busy road or with DH in the car.

Sorry to say, but I've had my licence for 8 years, car for 4 of those, and I still hate hate hate driving. Now I live in a very quiet area with very "easy" driving, and I'm still awfully anxious. Mainly due to fear of other drivers being angry with me if I make a mistake though!

That's a good point, Welshwabbit, DH has shown me several sites in his hometown where he had near fatal accidents when he was a new driver, once he went right through a hedge and into a ditch and once he flipped the car in midair apparently!

Thanks everyone, I'm glad to hear I am not the only one who feels this way after passing my test. When I think about it I haven't done anything really stupid, mainly clipping kerbs and parking craply, but in addition to the big roundabouts, the residential areas of my town were all built up way before there were so many cars and tend to have cars parked both sides, leaving only enough room for one car at a time.

I find it really hard to know what to do when I meet another car coming the other way, tucking in to spaces is so hard and I have had some rolleyes from impatient drivers.

Mostly I've taken DS1 back and forth to his SN club, and had to work out a route to avoid these narrow streets, particularly as it's school run time. Got to go this afternoon and I'm dreading it already!

I passed 2 years ago and Ive only just started to become confident

After I passed my stomach would flip when I saw a police car as I felt like such a fraud, surely I shouldnt have been in a car. Driving. By myself?!

I think its harder to be more confident as A-and older driver (as in, not in late teens like a lot of people when they pass) and B- being a parent and having kids in the back.

I know for sure I gave less of a fuck when I was doing lessons at 17 than when I did when I was 29. Probably explains why I didnt pass at 17!

It will get better with time, but I only did small journeys for a year and didnt dare go on dual carriage roads.

Its been two years and still havent gone on a motorway but Ive got no problem with the idea of doing that now, its just that the oppotunity hasnt come up yet.

You'll be OK OP, it just takes more time.

Id really reall recommend going out with your instructor a few times in your own car.

Just wanted to add that I was exactly the same as you for a while after I passed my test. I was terrified driving my ancient Micra - nothing like my instructor's car and I kept stalling it all the time and panicking. I never grew to love it and sold it on. What really changed things for me was getting a much newer automatic. Even though I never had problems with gears in my lessons it's just one less thing to think about. As soon as I took it for a test drive I was zooming along with a big grin on face - my DH couldn't believe it. It just frees you up to completely concentrate on the road, which I think is the biggest learning curve for any new driver. Of course you're going to be faced with lots of situations you haven't been in before - your lessons can't cover every scenario. You'll deal with much better if you can relax.

I would echo everyone else that has said go for drives by yourself whenever you can. You'll probably find that you're far less tense than with anyone watching (I still don't like driving with DH or my Dad). Put the radio on and make yourself sing along - it makes you breathe properly and relax. Find a quiet road (can you get out of town maybe?) that you don't mind so much and try to find something positive about the experience.

I still get a little nervous driving to new places sometimes and I'm never going to love parallel parking (thankfully I can usually avoid it) but my confidence is building. You'll get there too.

It's all down to practise. Tucking into spaces, for example, relies on you having the measure of the size of your car and that's something you can only judge if you drive the car a lot and tuck it in a lot of spaces. Even an experienced driver will take a while to get used to a hire car if it's not the same model as their regular one.

Suggestion.... take your car to a big retail park on a Sunday morning before it opens and just practise steering and going forward and back into the spaces marked on the floor from various angles. Do it by 'feel' and then get out and look how close you got to the lines. Doesn't take long to get accurate.

Hi op, I can understand how you feel. I passed my test just a few months ago and I felt exactly the same and it does get better the more you drive.When I had first passed I was so nervous about going out on my own and would find reasons not to go on my own and get myself in such a state. I know now it was because I needed to build my confidence up. The way I did this was starting off by just going for short journeys to places that I knew the route for and gradually going a bit further. I also found it helped to plan exactly where I was going,which lanes to be in and plan where I would park beforehand so I didn't get in a tizz trying to park. Take little steps and gradually it will come together. My OH comes in the car with me sometimes and even now I am much more confident he still makes little comments but then again my friends husbands still make comments on their driving and they have been driving for 10 years so maybe it is a couple thing! He has in the past made comments that have caused huge rows and I got to the point one day when I realised him picking was causing my confidence to drop a hell of a lot so I went solo in my own car and this is what has made me happy to drive. It is hard for someone who is not a new driver to remember what it is like to be a new driver and I think we will get to that stage aswell when it will be second nature and we will wonder what we worried about.
Do you remember when you first started learning and it seemed like it was difficult? Well think back to then and think how far you have come. It doesn't matter if you have to take a bit more time with parking or you make the odd mistake everyone has to learn and everyone has been there and the more you go at it the easier it's going to get. If you get panicky in the car, slow yourself down, open the window and let some air in and breathe. Once you start concentrating on your journey it will vanish away. This used to happen to me and even if I was scared I would have a word with myself and say to myself "get in the car and once you are on your way you will realise there's nothing to worry about" As for big roundabouts and big places it really is just a case of practice. Go out when it's not busy and learn the routes and take it in, once you know what you're doing you'll be fine. If you think you are taking corners badly maybe you are going to quick? Slow it down, don't worry about other people. I used to think that drivers around me were judging me but now I just think it doesn't matter. I also found that watching driving videos online helped me and they did when I was trying to pass my test so how about refreshing yourself with those. Good luck OP and you can do it, believe in yourself you passed now and as the saying goes you dont really start learning until you passed so get out there with what you know and get learning x