To be a bit [hmm] at the usage of 'Immature' as an insult or comment to adults?

[Sunflower49]

I don't really have a definition of what I think 'Immature' means in this context. When I hear somebody say it about someone I always question it.

What does it mean?

I mean, I'm immature by some people's definitions. So are some of my friends, in some ways but not others. Other people are by others. Is it just a matter of opinion?

For examples, my DP was deemed 'Immature' by one of his friends recently because of his love of Sci Fi films and the fact he likes (some) pop music.

A friend of mine some years back called me 'Immature' because I got upset that she turned up drunk to my birthday, so drunk that she b*ggered off after half an hour, and I told her it upset me-queue I'm immature.

My parents have said I'm 'immature' because I still dress pretty much the same as in my twenties, and I still keep my navel piercing.

It's late and I can't sleep so may be having random thoughts.

Maybe I AM immature, I don't know?

I tend to think part of being an adult, is you can be/act whoever/however you wish, as long as you look after who/what you're responsible for and don't upset anybody else with your behavior?

Am I making no sense?Or does anybody get what I mean?

I know what you mean. Some (not too bright) people just use it as a general insult. What they really mean is that you are not acting in the way they would/don't have the same tastes as them = therefore you are 'immature'(!) I wouldn't take too much notice.

Immature does annoy me - it's usually used by people who think everyone else should stick to their standards of being a grown up.
But the way I look at it is this - no-one asks to be an adult, it's just assumed that when you reach a certain age, you will want to swap clubbing for dinner parties and Ribena for bloody Merlot.
But why should you if you don't want to?
You are exactly right, OP. Being an adult is about being able to make your own decisions in life.
My OH got called "immature" recently because his favourite band (since he was 14) still appeal to 14-year-olds. Maybe they are 14-year-olds with impeccable taste.
I think as long as it's not exceptionally childish (I know a 32-yr-old professional who still sucks her thumb in public) then it's usually jealousy from stuck-up, boring people who secretly wish they had more fun.

I'm 32. I like going clubbing. I hate wine. Am I immature? I don't think so - I'm doing what I enjoy. Being an adult means you get to make those choices. I also like cycling, reading, swimming, modern languages and choose to do those things too.

To me, immature isn't actions it's attitude.

So commenting on someone's conduct (such as when your friend was drunk) or about a genre of films can be neutral, fuddy-duddy or immature depending on what was said and how it was said.

do adults really say this? I have no memory of being called immature past the age of 16.

I get called immature!
I take it as a compliment! It throws people totally when you say 'thanks'!

Nadia I think you're absolutely right, I also think It's one thing people can say that they think is a general,rounded insult, an insult that will work, so they say it.

Ibsjob87 -I was thinking, no other animal stops 'playing' as they age, do they-until they're really old, anyway, some people just seem to assume that we should be all act a certain as we age-which is fine in essence,if they're content with it0 but to judge others who don't act a certain way, isn't.

I feel this should have been put in the Philosophy' section, now.

is it wrong that I'm tempted to suck my thumb at anybody that calls me immature , now

chrome good for you, I do things I enjoy, too. I don't think I'd have ever questioned it apart from the word has been directed at me a fair few times in the last 6 months or so.

TobysMum yes, they do and It's one thing I find particularly irksome because as I said in my OP,I didn't really understand what the word meant!

meditrina, interesting.

Boaty okay that's my strategy from now on!

With my friend, the conv went something like

'Where have you gone?'

(next day)

'Hi sorry I was so drunk'

'Where did you go, I'm a bit upset-not see you for ages!That was my birthday night so I'm a bit upset to be honest.'

'Ah sunflower, that's very immature'.

(Turns out she'd gone to a cheap bar with another friend first, ordered 3 bottles of wine between them because of an offer that was on, and 'lost track of time' as she put it).

My Father called me immature, and also told me I 'didn't have enough real things to worry about' after I visited him a few days ago and told him I had been to the GP because of a rash I've developed on my face! Then again he's a funny 'un anyway.

Not quite the same but I was getting changed in front of a friend at the gym, and she spied my navel piercing.

'Wow you still have your bellybutton pierced!'

'Yes, have for a long time'

'Aren't you a bit old now?'

'Who says?'

(I still like it, so why not?It doesn't mean I don't pay my bills, or that I assume everyone wants to see it....)

So yes people do say it. Thing is, I'm very sensible too, sometimes-probably too sensible! Just I guess everyone's different and most of the time, I don't think 'maturity' comes into it.

Thanks for everyone's POV :)

Oh you do not want to be mature, cos others would still have their POV any way and still flip at you regardless of your good intention or not cos their ego is the loudest and the biggest of all out of everyone's lives. Obviously...

Some people are just wanting you to be exactly like them. It's not even possible... or to want you to white lie like they do...

It wouldn't occur to me to refer to someone as "immature" based on their preferences for films, food or leisure activity. It's to do with their attitude and general outlook on life and behaviour towards others.

Some synonyms for "immature" are "puerile" and "babyish". I think of immature people as those who want to be the centre of attention and want their own way all the time to the detriment of everyone else. You can be a dick at any age, regardless of what music you listen to.

stillystring by that example, perhaps was I being a bit immature because my friend didnt' arrive at my birthday as planned-I did kind of , I suppose want her to-therefore wanted her attention?

Genuine question, with example btw! I'm in no way emotional about that situation that happened years ago-just wondering because if the same thing happened now I'd probably still react the same, we had an arrangement , she didn't keep it, no decent reason to not, so yes it bothered me-is that immature/attention seeking?

I agree on the choice of leisure activity especially!Some of the most successful, grounded people I know prefer a good knees-up to an opera.

I don't think the circumstance you described, telling your friend your feelings were hurt, was immature at all. It would have been immature to refuse to speak to her because of it.

I'd consider it genuinely immature to turn up to a friend's birthday drunk. In my particular world, that's the sort of thing only done by the attention seekers and the alcoholics.

A lot of the things I like are things people associate with teenagers or younger. So what? My thinking is that I'm just old enough to get away with it.

How old are you?

I think immature is more attitude and emotional intelligence than what you like. I still love cartoons and video games, but I take responsibility for myself and DD. :)

I would refer to immaturity only in the sense of emotional immaturity, and mostly only on here, and not very often at that.

It doesn't sound like you were immature, sounds like you were assertive. Not caring about other's emotions- being egocentric like a child, is immature

I think the main difference between a child and an adult is that an adult normally has major responsibilities (e.g. work, food, shelter, carer)

Preferences regarding leisure activities, taste in fashion etc are irrelevant.

I get called immature by the teenagers. Once you are
Nearly 40 it is a compliment I think. I just got it for not wearing shoes to the beach because it like the hot sand under my feet. Immature and saddo I may be but I think I am cool. As an insult though it is stupid and un imaginative, there are many wonderful insults and sarcasm is also a great tool. Immature is just lazy.

For what it's worth, Sunflower you don't sound immature to me.

Why are you only tempted to suck your thumb if someone calls you immature?

I stamp my foot, shout " NO I am NOT!!" and then stick my thumb in my mouth.

PinklePurr

Thanks steff13 :)good point!

Ninja that's my new excuse lol

Thanks sillystring

I'm in my early thirties.

pinkle!

Sorry I haven't had chance to come back to the thread and thanks for the replies, everyone!