To think this is insensitive

[Alligatorshoes]

My baby was tragically stillborn at term recently and have been extremely depressed. I am bloated from pregnancy and have gained several extra pounds as I have not been eating healthily. I know this. I am sure i will do something about it eventually.

My mum has recently picked up on this and has been remarking on my tummy/the fact that my face is looking fuller whenever I've seen her. But today I got the disingenuous (and frankly insulting) 'xxx (her friend) is going to slimming world near you next week and wants some moral support. Would you mind accompanying her?'

It is clear that Xxx has been briefed to accompany porky little ME to SW. I said as much to my mum and that I am still grieving my baby, not worrying about an extra 10lbs of weight. But apparently it is time I did worry about it.

I'm so insulted that she thought this line would work on me and what? That I'd somehow be swept away by her friend's enthusiasm for SW and decide to join myself? Unbelievable.

To put it into context, I am usually a size 10-12 and am possibly a large 12/small 14 now, with baby weight and comfort eating weight to account for

Just read your last message!! Unbelievable!!! To put it into perspective I took 3 months maternity leave and 2.5 months sick leave.

You have been through such a big trauma, you take off as much time as you need.

That's so nasty of them

I am just so upset for you OP. This must be the worst thing ever without dealing with idiots on top of losing your baby.

I am so sorry to read about your loss. Fuck the weight, who cares? Thinking of you

alligator - your posts beggar belief. Why weight would be a concern of yours right now (why it ever would at the weights you describe!) is beyond me. Plus your right to take maternity leave is unaffected. Technically, emotionally and morally. No-one in the world should be questioning it.

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. xx

So sorry for your loss of your baby OP. Take no notice of your Mum. It takes time to grieve and you need to do that. A few extra pounds is immaterial to what you have been through. I lost my DD to meningitis when she was 7 months, My Mum wasn't helpful either she kept telling me that I didn't get DD to hospital in time so that added to my already massive guilt. I couldn't eat anything and eventually ended up weighing 6 stone. All is well now as that was 5 yrs ago but obviously still have issues with DD's going to the angels. You will feel a little better in time so just ignore your Mum although I'm sure she means well. I wish you well and try to find something to take comfort in. Even if it's just like my belief in Angels it helps BIG HUGS OP ....sugar

I'm sorry for your loss

I can't imagine the pain you're going through xx

in your shoes, I'd be telling insensitive twerps where to go.
their rubbish is the last thing you need right now xx

bum sugar desperately sorry for the loss of your babies, I am humbled and heartbroken to see so many people on MN have had to say goodbye to their little ones

I'm getting angrier now thinking about another of my mum's comments - I recently treated myself to some new £££ sandals and a clutch bag from Reiss all dressed up no place to go in a vain attempt to cheer myself up and was told to 'stop frittering away money'

Actually the above is just me being oversensitive, she says that shit all the time :)

You're allowed to be over sensitive. The problem is your mum' slack of sensitivity. She needs to understand that there's no timetable for grief and you can't/won't just snap out of it. I think it just gets a little easier over time. Do whatever makes you feel best (even if it involves some frivolous spending).

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your partner.

Alligator after we lost our baby we bought a brand new 3D tv, new furniture for our lounge, booked a holiday etc etc. So if that new dress makes ya feel fab then who cares!

Alligator - I am so sorry for your loss and the other posters who have also lost babies.
I cannot believe the attitude of your mother and colleagues.
All I can say is take care of yourself - if buying nice shoes etc helps - good on you ! sending you

So sorry for your loss. I think you will do things when you are ready. Loosing weight isn't easy and it's harder if you are not in the correct frame of mind.

Firstly, so sorry for your loss!

I think you probably need to tell your mum that you are feeling low & her badgering you about your weight is not helping so please stop!

As for people asking why you are taking maternity leave I am astounded

Please do what you feel is right for you in all aspects, I know some people will be 'trying to help' but you know yourself better than anyone, you handle it how you see fit!

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. It will take time to grieve and to feel anywhere near " normal " again . Your few pounds in weight are nothing and you need to do whatever makes you feel " better " for now .
People always think that being busy will take your mind off terrible things but it can't be forced , it has to happen naturally.

Just ignore your mum . She is tactless and insensitive. Take care of yourself .

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through.
Your mum sounds thoughtless and cruel tbh.