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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think you don't create hyperactive children by taking them out too much?

31 replies

ikeaismylocal · 10/06/2014 19:29

Pil visited yesterday, I thought the visit had gone well (things have Bern strained between on occasion) but mil phoned dp today and said that we take 17 month old ds out too much and we were going to make him hyperactive, also dp needs time to rest as he's very old ( he's 37).

We do take ds out lots but that is mostly because we all enjoy it and ds has lots of energy, ds is a happy toddler who sleeps well and developing well.

Ds goes to nursery 2 or 3 days a week, it's a Steiner nursery so there is lots of pottering about in the garden and playing with bits of wood, all very calm and relaxing. On the days ds is home with me we go to playgroup then go swimming or to the park or a local petting farm in the afternoon, we also often jjust go for a walk or find a field to sit in or sit by the lake, when we are out in nature ds just wonders about looking at ants and picking up sticks whilst me and dp sit on a picnic blanket and make the occasional "have you found a flower?" "look a plane" type comment.

Dp is off at the weekends, we tend to do a daytrip somewhere on one of the days and then visit family/friends go to parties and get the shopping done on the other day, we also usually have some time just sitting outside whilst ds bumbles about.

Ds sleeps for at least an hour ( sometimes up to 3 hours) at the weekend and he's in bed by 6.30, surely that's enough rest for a 37 year old man!

Ds has lots of lovely toys at home which he plays with in the mornings and evenings, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment so it's not as if we can just chuck ds out in the garden, we have a communal garden with a park and pool but using this is not seen as relaxing at home (according to mil).

Mil has suggested that for at least one afternoon at the weekends we stay at home so dp can sit on the sofa and read/relax whilst ds plays, I don't think it will be very relaxing.

Aibu to think that ds isn't energetic because we take him out so much, and that if we continue we won't make him hyperactive?

OP posts:
humblebumble · 10/06/2014 19:31

YANBU

Ha ha ha - they sound like loons!

It sounds like you are doing a marvelous job. Ignore them.

thebodylovesspring · 10/06/2014 19:33

Of course he's not.

You sound like wonderful parents and you can't make a child hyperactive anyway.

She sounds a daft cow your mil and interfering to boot.

Ignore her.

Frusso · 10/06/2014 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottiedoubtie · 10/06/2014 19:33

Yanbu MIL seems to be looking for reasons to criticise you. Ignore!

Dollybird86 · 10/06/2014 19:35

You sound like you have a lovely family life! Tell her to bugger off!

dietcokeandwine · 10/06/2014 19:39

If anything's likely to make a toddler hyperactive it will be cooping them up in a one bedroom flat all afternoon! I hate having to stay in with my 16mo, we both go a bit stir crazy. Out and about is the way to go!

Your life sounds lovely. Ignore mil and carry on!

Mrsjayy · 10/06/2014 19:57

Your inlaws sound a bit bonkers toddlers thrive bring outside of course it doesnt make them hyoer,

5Foot5 · 10/06/2014 20:05

Your MIL sounds barmy. Laughed my socks off at your 37 year old DP being "very old".

Mrsjayy · 10/06/2014 20:29

Yes her poor geriatric not yet 40 husband Grin

ikeaismylocal · 10/06/2014 20:35

Glad I'm not damaging my ds ( or my poor old dp!) she was very much into creating a perfect home, dp says their house was always spotless and extravagant meals were provided at every mealtime, we are much more of the chuck some sandwiches and fruit under the pram and get out for the day, and choose clothing bassed on it looking ok without ironing and neglecting the dusting sort of people, mil proudly told me that she trained her babies to entertain themselves from an early age as she had so much to do.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/06/2014 20:37

Well back in thebdark ages when your husband was a lad thats what mothers did wel mine did I cant remember spontaneous days out, we didbit with our dcs

tumbletumble · 10/06/2014 20:40

YANBU. Some of the older generation find this hard to understand though. My MIL is similar in some ways.

PrincessBabyCat · 10/06/2014 20:43

If DP is old, MIL must be the crypt keeper, and senile. She's obviously forgetting that raising kids doesn't look like those Christmas cards where the parents are snuggled on the couch and the kids are just sitting nicely by the fire eating cookies over their plates.

Just drop DS off with her and let her see how well keeping him inside all day works. :)

autumnsmum · 10/06/2014 20:44

You can't cause hyperactivity it's inborn ! If it's any comfort my mil blames dd2s autism on me not going to toddler groups you can't win

Lara2 · 10/06/2014 20:45

Ignore. Your MIL is completely barking and obviously thinks you're neglecting your 'wifely' duties by not having a spotless house and 'letting' your DP be involved in the child care! Grin

Carry on as you are, you're all happy as Larry and it's none of her business. FWIW, I moved 1000 miles away from my MIL who sounds exactly like yours!

parakeet · 10/06/2014 20:50

What did your DP reply? Please say he told her not to be so silly, as if he wanted to stay in more at the weekend he'd arrange it that way himself?

ikeaismylocal · 10/06/2014 20:50

Luckily she lives 1000 km away so we don't see that much of her ;)

I think she was expecting someone a little more committed to house duties, she bought us me a new iron and ironing board and a food mixer when I moved in with dp.

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 10/06/2014 20:52

I can see what she is worried about (unnecessarily). She worries that if your DS has every minute filled for him without any unstructured play, he won't be able to play independently. But this is not the case here, lots of lovely unstructured play with a healthy balance of activities.

JDD · 10/06/2014 20:53

Children are supposed to be outside exploring. And it's good that your husband and you get out and about, go to parties, see friends and families and your son goes along with it all. surely that's more likely to make him easy going?

It really sounds like your MIL is looking for reasons to criticise you. Ignore her. Live your life the way you want.

pianodoodle · 10/06/2014 20:55

Admittedly I don't know much about how these things work but wouldn't it be reasonable to assume that "hyper" activity would occur through boredom and not doing stuff?

Most toddlers are active - more active than me but that doesn't mean they're "hyper" it's just what they do isn't it? Bounce around and such. Mine does anyway!

What about...

"Hi MIL we were thinking of asking you over but as your so very very old you'd better stay home and rest"

pianodoodle · 10/06/2014 20:56

... that should be "you're" - obviously :)

ChessieFL · 10/06/2014 20:57

Is this actually her trying to drop hints based on something your DP has said to her? Might he have complained to her that you had all been busy lately and he was tired, ad she's taken it upon herself to d something about it?
If not, she's a loon!

pianodoodle · 10/06/2014 20:59

I think she was expecting someone a little more committed to house duties, she bought us me a new iron and ironing board and a food mixer when I moved in with dp.

Give her something proper to worry about. Next time she's over leave a pair of pants in the food mixer and some fruit on the ironing board.

frames · 10/06/2014 21:00

Her poor old son! You really expect far too much from him, plus you are wrecking her grandson by making him hyperactive. If your MIL has any friends, this is how she will be spinning the situation to them. You are RIGHT, she is WRONG, your life is perfectly lovely, she is jealous.

summerflower · 10/06/2014 21:00

Oh goodness, my ds is very active, I go out to keep the house from getting trashed. He is getting better at playing properly but generally he just likes going through life full pelt. The only way to get through the day is to go out! It is such an exciting world to him, it needs to be explored.