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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to add ex-colleagues onto FB

20 replies

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 17:47

I've been sitting on this for a long time and I felt so guilty. I do not know how to get rid of this feeling.

Basically, it was 4 years ago now. Something happened in one of my job. I left. But, I did add some ex-colleagues onto my FB. I do not know why, but I kind of felt I wanted to continue my friendships with them, but then they did not. Nor did they know or listened to my side of the story. Even though, I have never told them what happened, and I do not know if them knowing will also affect their employment too. One ex-colleague never knew this and he took offence and actually blocked me. 2 other friends were more stoic, and did not comment. One or two colleague I do feel some resentment towards because I basically saved their job for them. In hindsight, I felt like what I did was an injustice to myself. e.g. taking the blame when it is not mine to do so.

How do you balance work friendships, and can you ?

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 09/06/2014 17:54

Close your Facebook account. It is the work of the devil.

HecatePropylaea · 09/06/2014 17:54

Dunno. I got burned in my first job by thinking that the people I worked with were 'friends' and since that time and in every job I had, I kept my life and my job totally separate. People I worked with were people I worked with. I went to work, was polite, did my job, left the office each night and never gave them another thought. I wouldn't remember their names now if my life depended on it.

Do you socialise with these people? Do favours or ask favours? Chat with them? call them just to see how they are? etc etc in short, are they actually friends?

Canus · 09/06/2014 17:56

Gosh, your OP is a bit jumbled.

Just remember that your work colleagues are not your friends. Don't expect them to owe you anything more than professional courtesy.

Add them to Facebook if your Facebook is work oriented and it will be useful to you.

Add them to a separate account if they are friends.

Don't add them at all if you don't want to. Loads of people are not on Facebook at all.

It sounds as though you find it difficult to separate your work and private life, so it might be unwise to mix the two.

Original poster

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 18:02

Well, I have very mixed feelings in this, because there were an awful lot of them. I only added the ones that kind of started around the same time as I did. One lady was quite close to me, and we did have a very personal friendship. She actually saw what happened. I still keep in contact now. I also helped her get out of the company too. But the others, I gave more help towards them beyond my job. So I kind of felt very heartbroken somewhat when it was not reciprocated. One guy possibly know what was going on. The others maybe not so.

I never ask favour from others. The only guy I asked a favour for, he was indeed kind enough and was indeed also wise enough to be there for me. I have added him onto my linkedin. I do not socialise with them so much but just the odd comment here and there on their FB too. Only 2 out of the lot. Because I worked very very closely with them.

Yes, I have actually stopped using FB for a little while because I was all over the place with this. But it was my lifeline as such when I was working away.... I felt so isolated back in those days.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 18:10

I thought I was indeed professional before until that particular job, and the manager was very tactile and there were an awful lot of expectation to mix and a lot of socialising events as well. It was just too much for me. Some girls added me here and there, but then even this fizzled out... It was just so very jumbled. Originally, I wanted to use FB for my family and friends only.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 18:22

I think I know what to do now. I will go back to how I wanted this originally. Thank you for your advices...

OP posts:

Fairylea · 09/06/2014 18:25

Whenever I join somewhere new I block everyone I work with (as soon as I know their full names) so they don't find me. I never ever add anyone I work with to Facebook. Been stung in the past and never again. If anyone happens to see my profile on there I tell them I never use it and can't be bothered to delete it (I never update my profile pictures so it looks inactive).

SuperFlyHigh · 09/06/2014 18:27

I had this in the past. And recently I had a linked in message from a contact there being all chummy with me. We were friendly and met once after we'd both left but that's it.

I've got nothing against her but she was a work colleague/friend who I didn't see out of work. And why leave it in my case 4-5 years later?!

Original poster

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 18:35

I don't get it. I have also had 2 linkedin contacts, both guys, who I have never worked with, and nor in the same industry and they just add me randomly. I do not know what they want.

OP posts:

PrincessBabyCat · 09/06/2014 18:41

Yes, I added everyone from my first job on fb. I can't say I wouldn't do it again, but I also have my name set so they can't find it if they search me anyway with new jobs. I'd have to find them, and I wouldn't friend them unless they mentioned it first. But you know, just don't talk about your job on facebook. :)

Original poster

Maisie0 · 09/06/2014 18:45

Yes, I need to really cut it out on my FB. I did wanted to talk to family and friends about how miserable I was feeling but I guess a job is just a job, and I should have my private life private.

OP posts:

Suefla62 · 09/06/2014 19:59

a job is just a job, and I should have my private life private. Exactly, a valuable lesson to learn.

larajean · 12/10/2019 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jaxhog · 12/10/2019 12:49

Been there. Just move on. If they wanted to support you, they already would have.

Morgenrot · 12/10/2019 13:34

Work colleagues are not your friends. I found this out the hard way.

butterybiscuitbasic · 12/10/2019 13:41

Honestly this was four years ago? Unless you have Had regular contact since they may just be dropping you on social media as you’re not really relevant to them any more.

I don’t agree that you can’t be friends with co-workers - a lot of my good friends I met through work, and am still friends with over ten years later. But those are friendships that developed outside of just the office.

Butchyrestingface · 12/10/2019 13:46

One ex-colleague never knew this and he took offence and actually blocked me.

Took offence to what?

2 other friends were more stoic, and did not comment

Comment on what?

Just remove them. No drama, no fuss.

Loftyswops988 · 12/10/2019 14:55

In the nicest way possible, you sound like someone who should maybe not be on social media.

SerenDippitty · 12/10/2019 14:57

Can you add people on FB without their consent? I thought you had to send a friend request and they had to accept it. Or not.

MitziK · 12/10/2019 15:02

I'm another person who (apart from having a effectively inactive account that I've trawled through and removed any potentially contentious posts) takes the time to go through and find people I work with and block them, as well as the work FB page.

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