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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you don't use fail book you miss out

26 replies

emms1981 · 09/06/2014 11:48

I decided to get rid of facebook just after christmas, I don't really have any friends, none that I could phone and say hey fancy a coffee? Or any I could call on for help etc. I had been a bit fed up with it for a while,
I never for e.g wish happy birthday to my husband on there when I do it in person and a few years ago my mil took it as a snub when I didn't wish her happy birthday I had already done the cards to her etc and let her know it was me that bought them not dh.
This weekend my mil asked dh if we were "going to the party" neither of us knew anything about it I believe my husbands cousin and his wife had a party normally invites would be arranged via facebook and before I deleted it I gave people my mobile number. Also my mil has my number but never phones or texts anymore.

I find it very strange how people live their lives through facebook.

Also another reason I deleted it was a cousin who I don't know at all she came to my wedding but that is the one and only time I had met her (my aunty asked if she could come) kept putting one of my wedding photos on there from over 7 years ago. When I asked about it she said I didn't have any of my own and she sent me all my pictures :s I said no someone my mil knows did our pictures and her reply was oh well fuck off and stop moaning then.

OP posts:
DoJo · 09/06/2014 12:00

If you don't want to use Facebook, then you don't have to, but you need to decide whether it's worth it.

I'm not sure I really understand the bit about your wedding photo, or making a point of telling your mother in law that you had bought her presents, not your husband.

I find it very strange how people live their lives through facebook.

I don't understand this either - organising an event and inviting people through Facebook isn't exactly odd behaviour. It's an easy way to reach people in one go and keep track of who is coming or not. Their decision not to invite you is nothing to do with Facebook.

Burtreynolds · 09/06/2014 12:08

I'm not sure I follow a lot of your post but YANBU for thinking some people think there is no world outside FB - almost like unless someone's posted it in their status then it hasn't happened.

If you're having a party, I understand it is easier to do a mass invite via FB but it's not exactly hard to think "well 15 out of the 20 I was inviting are on FB so that's them covered, I'll have to text the other 5" is it?

I must say, I DESPISE those "happy anniversary to me gorgeous husband" posts. I don't mind someone posting "It's our wedding anniversary" though - can't put succinctly into words why though.

Squidstirfry · 09/06/2014 12:27

I don't use facebook. I'm def not missing out!

It's nice that when I do meet up with my friends there is still news which is a surprise, i.e hasn't already been all over FB. I know there are things that they have posted all over FB that I haven't seen but most of it is rubbish anyway. The important stuff and the main stuff we call/text over.

If your MIL didn't take into account that you are not on FB and thought she inviited everyone, that's an oversite on her part but easily fixed now that she has asked you in person!

I don't understand how your mil could see it as as 'snub' that you didn't wish happy bday on FB when you are not even on FB.

Your mil doesn't seem to know you are not looking at FB. Have you actually pointed this out to her?

Original poster
emms1981 · 09/06/2014 12:35

ok wasn't very clear sorry on pc now rather than phone,

i was just trying to say how i found it a bit of an invasion having one of my pictures posted on facebook after 7 years by someone I hardly know

also I had sent my mil a card from dh and another from the children and gifts etc I thought this was polite enough but she got upset and said "i don't know what I have done to piss emms off as she didn't wish me happy birthday on facebook" I didn't feel it was necessary to do both.

"organizing an event and inviting people through Facebook isn't exactly odd behavior."
I didn't say it was I just feel it odd that if you don't use facebook then you are left out completely.

im annoyed manly because i know me and dh will be moaned at again because "the family didn't get to see the kids" but if we weren't invited then how could we go

OP posts:
restandpeace · 09/06/2014 12:39

The odd time i do wonder if im missing out but no i dont think i am.

redexpat · 09/06/2014 17:28

i think not being invited to events because you arent on fb says more about the people you know rather than fb. yes you do tend to miss out, so yanbu.

partialderivative · 09/06/2014 17:33

Occasionally I think I would like to get a facebook account, but never long enough to actually start one.

I know I would not have a clue how to do all the security settings and would be exposing all my personal details to the world within about 2 hours.

Sukebind · 09/06/2014 17:46

Yes, I suppose I do miss out on stuff like being the first to hear people's news and on certain invitations. But I also feel that I am lucky to be missing out on:

  • stupid rows carried out on FB
  • having to hear very dull details the lives of 'friends' I went to school with but haven't seen for 15 years
  • seeing horrible photo's and videos I don't want to see
  • feeling the need to boast/complain about my DH and DC
  • be exposed to other people's continual boasting and DC-related one-upmanship

So, just focus on the reasons why you decided to leave FB and leave the rest of them to it. Maybe you could just explain to your MIL that as you are no longer on FB you'll be sticking to real life greetings from now on - it's more personal.

TwoInTheMourning · 09/06/2014 17:51

I despise Facebook for all the reasons you've listed and a few of my own. I deactivated my account about 3 years ago and I've never looked back. I'm not saying that Facebook has no redeeming features, but it isn't for me.

Smilesandpiles · 09/06/2014 17:54

I've not missed out on anything since shutting my account down. I'm still invited out, they just call me instead.

I don't miss it at all. For me, it sisn't have a single redeeming feature about it. Not a single one.

DoJo · 09/06/2014 22:06

I've said it before and I'll say it again - if Facebook annoys you, you probably have annoying friends; if Facebook bores you, you probably have boring friends; if people don't invite you to an event because you're not on Facebook, then they're probably not that bothered whether you come or not.

WRT the wedding photo - still not sure I quite understand but it sounds as though this person is a bit odd generally. Ditto your mother-in-law - would they really be much more bearable if it weren't for Facebook? It seems unlikely!

snorkyorky · 09/06/2014 22:22

I'm getting really fed up with it and have real concerns about what FB do with our info. Privacy seems to be being eroded too as each time they upgrade it seems to knock your privacy settings out and make things public.

Thing is, it's so handy for keeping in the loop socially and I do find after a long day at home with the DC it's nice to hop on and get some company or find out what others are up to. A recent example of it being useful was when a local mum posted that she was going to our local park that afternoon and did anyone want to come down. Yes she could have texted or called but it wasn't that big a deal.

On the other hand, the company it offers doesn't really nourish in the same way actual talk to actual friends does and this erosion of privacy is a big price to pay just to look at pictures of people's kids looking cute. Oh I just don't know what to do about it.

Sorry, doesn't help the OP at all!

BaconAndAvocado · 09/06/2014 23:12

What Sukebind and Smiles said.

I've never been on Fakebook and don't think I'll ever want to be.

My friends are neither boring nor annoying.

I think you miss out if you are on Fakebook.

PhaedraIsMyName · 09/06/2014 23:31

And it very strange how people live their lives through facebook.

Me too. I have a reasonably good social life. I don't use Facebook.

DoJo · 10/06/2014 12:58

I think you miss out if you are on Fakebook.

What do you miss out on?

calculatorsatdawn · 10/06/2014 13:10

I've said it before and I'll say it again - if Facebook annoys you, you probably have annoying friends; if Facebook bores you, you probably have boring friends; if people don't invite you to an event because you're not on Facebook, then they're probably not that bothered whether you come or not.

^ this!

Theodorous · 10/06/2014 13:57

Good lord, do people feel so very inadequate they give childish names to a social media non-compulsory network and boast about never having used it? Surely the vast majority of people just have it if they want and don't make such a fuss. The things that people use to try and sound clever are ridiculous on here and newsflash, nobody is really bothered whether you use it or not but the childish names make you sound like a sixth former with a chip on your shoulder.

BaconAndAvocado · 10/06/2014 17:53

News flash! Hmm

I thought Fakebook was a brilliant name for Facebook because of the ways certain people choose to portray themselves on said website. In a fake way, no chip or inadequacy, just making an observation.

minipie · 10/06/2014 17:58

I've never joined facebook.

I do miss out - I don't get to see photos and I also don't get people's news till later.

Luckily I don't miss out on invitations as my groups of friends still use email/text as well or instead of facebook.

Overall I still prefer not to be on facebook. If I started missing out on invitations though, I'd probably join. It would be annoying but that's modern life for you.

I was cross about mobiles when they first came in (and I didn't have one) but had to accept them as a fact of life.

gordyslovesheep · 10/06/2014 18:00

I use it - I have a large circle of actual real life friends who happen to have relocated to places such as Chicago, New Zealand and Oz - as well as lots of relatives around the UK

It means we can all stay in touch and chat together - it's lovely

I also have a varied and active social life - go me

I don't shop at Tescos or Drink de caffe - mainly because I don't want to and I have a choice - don't feel the need to be all proud of the fact though

people are strane

cardibach · 10/06/2014 18:05

Theodorus I was just about to post that the OP IBU for calling it failbook just because she can't manage to have sensible friends on it Confused
Sukebind (love that novel, by the way) - you said ^But I also feel that I am lucky to be missing out on:

  • stupid rows carried out on FB
  • having to hear very dull details the lives of 'friends' I went to school with but haven't seen for 15 years
  • seeing horrible photo's and videos I don't want to see
  • feeling the need to boast/complain about my DH and DC
  • be exposed to other people's continual boasting and DC-related one-upmanship^
I have Facebook and don't have any of that. No stupid rows as I don't have stupid friends, no dull details of 'friends' from school because my fb friends are my actual friends and they aren't dull (even if I went to school with some of them considerably more than 15 years ago). I don't have horrible photos to look at because my friends don't post horrible things, I don't feel the need to boast or complain anymore than in real life, and neither do my fb friends (who, you'll recall, are my actual friends). I'm with DoJo. If your facebook is crap it's your own fault. Either ditch it or sort it, but don't blame it!
cardibach · 10/06/2014 18:06

italic fail See I can do it really.

magpiegin · 10/06/2014 18:15

What Dojo and Cardi said. I use Facebook, I don't get the dull updates, or stupid arguments because believe it or not I am in control of who I am friends with!! I only add people I genuinely want to keep in touch with and I unfriend or hide anything I don't want to see. My friends and I plan everything over group messages on FB as we all live away from each other.

LauraChant · 10/06/2014 18:22

When I was helping to organise a school reunion FB was a great help as it was much easier to track people down on there. We did ask people to spread the word among their own friends but to be honest if you were on FB, a little sleuthing on friends lists made you much easier to locate. So in that situation yes, people not on FB (or LinkedIn etc) would have missed out.

On the other hand a school reunion is many people's idea of a nightmare and I wonder if FB refusers and reunion haters are perhaps by and large the same people?

BreeVDKamp · 10/06/2014 18:27

This is interesting. I've been considering deleting FB as I do hate it and somehow feel this pressure looming over me to post! Although rationally I know no-one gives a shit that I don't post. My newsfeed is just full of links and people I haven't seen for years.

2 things are keeping me from closing my acc:

  • business pages - I have a cake co. and am in a pro choir which use FB for promo
  • sending short messages to my mum, but can easily do that by email
Oh and looking at pics of people's cute babies :)

Other than that I would delete it! I really want to. Maybe I should just do it. Luckily I don't have the problem of people having arguments on FB/throwing strops over it etc. That would be v tiring.

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