School/Sun Hats/EXP

[superdupershopper]

My 6 year old came home from school last week sun burned across her nose and cheeks. She had been at her dads the night before and despite school repeatedly asking, requesting and reminding parents... he once again didn't put sun cream on her and didn't provide her with a sun hat for school.

History to this is that last summer he let her get very sun burned spending a whole day on the beach on a hot and sunny day. She is very fair and pale so burns very easily. She needed medical attention and was in lots of pain due to getting burned across her shoulders and neck.

Generally we don't interfere in each other's parenting time. We have a court order and he has previously claimed to Court that I try and control his time with our child. I don't but I need to not act unreasonably or risk looking unreasonable to the Court.

I am planning on writing to school tomorrow to state that my child is not allowed to play outside without suncream and a sun hat. They won't let children keep a hat there and their rules state they can't apply suncream and the infant children are deemed too young to do it themselves so on days she's been at his the night before if EXP doesn't do it my child won't be allowed out at playtime. Which is crap for her of course but I can't risk sun burn again!

AIBU? Will the school think I'm loopy/PFB?

If your DD is being burned enough to need medical attention as a result of your EXs refusal to give her a hat/apply sun cream, then he is the one who's going to look unreasonable by a court.

But I can see that you don't really have many options so such a letter to the school may be necessary.

I can't imagine not being unable to have chatted in a relaxed manner about this to my kids teachers . Just explain it without being melodramatic or critical of your ex .

Schools aren't allowed to apply sun cream, but surely a six year old could do it for herself. Could a bottle of suncream be kept in her classroom for her? I'm sure her teacher would understand.

They won't let children keep a hat there and their rules state they can't apply suncream and the infant children are deemed too young to do it themselves

This suggests the school may not allow the child to apply it herself.

Your Ex sounds like an arse. I don't want to be one of the posters who ignores the real problem but I've just come across sunsense roll on and my DS can do his we face relatively reasonably at 3. Could you pop one I her school bag?

Thanks for the replies. He is an arse but a clever one who has repeatedly dressed up my concern over his are for DD as me trying to control his time with her. It's not always hard to prove otherwise at Court so I'm always worried about doing anything that implies he's a bad parent or affects his time with her.

When she got burnt last year she was with him for a week. She'd had it 5 days when she came back to me and was in pain, peeling and bad burns on her shoulders which have now scarred. Took her to Urgent Care Centre and he was prescribed some cream to help stop scarring. Not bad enough for hospital but still bad sunburn and the doctor quizzed me as to why she wasn't covered up and basically said (in different words) it's disgusting that a small child got burned like that. Ex didn't care much, was very casual about it and said he didn't like using high factor suncream as it blocks too much sun and she might get a vitamin D deficiency! Doh! See what I'm up against?

She is perfectly capable of applying it but school rules state children can't bring it in and staff can't apply it.

As a teacher, I'd rather you just come and chat with me and we could find a solution. Don't do it in the 'my ex is an arse' but just that he is not complying with the hat/sunscreen rule and you're concerned about the impact on your DD at school and her social skills development if she is unable to go out in the playground with her peers. I guarantee you that no teacher wants to have to keep a child in every day at lunch because it means they have to stay and supervise them. We also need them to go out and let off steam for that time to get any sense out of them in the afternoon. I'm sure if you explain the situation, the teacher will allow you to keep a hat on site in a designated space. Do they have pigeon holes for their bags? You could get one of those removable sticky hooks and put it there for her on the side of the pigeon hole with a little laminated sign with a picture of a hat on it to remind her to always hang her hat there after play.

I second the roll on suggestion, lots of kids in our school have them (we're in Australia so sun sense is a big thing at our school). A lot of them have one that goes on purple then dries clear so they know where they have covered already and helps them not to miss spots. She could apply it in the morning before the bell, since I'd presume that other students all get theirs applied before they come to school, so it won't make any difference.

If the school really dig their heels in (which they shouldn't!) then is there any way that on the days he drops her to school, you could slip in after you know he will be gone and drop off a hat and apply some cream? Obviously this is a pain in the arse and you shouldn't have to do it, but it would be worst case scenario.

Fuck the school rules, she puts a small tube of suncream in her bag and a sun hat.

DD1 is way older, but her checks burn really easily and it's not funny.

i second going to talk to the teachers directly. I am sure that you can arrange something whereby you sign a waiver that will allow them to apply the suncream if necessary. There input may also help to reiterate to your ex about the suncream and if he is refusing and they are aware it could also assist if it goes back to court

I'd stick some in her school bag so she can stick it on herself, stuff school rules

Purple the thing is I can't put it in her school bag as it's the days she goes to school from her dad's house that she doesn't have suncream on. He picks her up from school and takes her the next morning once or twice a week every week. If I out anything in her bag the day before he'd just take it out.

Thanks for all the advice. To be honest I'm surprised school don't have a "no hat no playtime" policy but as someone said it would mean a teacher supervising the children without hats and goon up their lunch break too.

I'm going to have a word tomorrow morning with her teacher.

Excuse typos it's getting late...

My kids school also say suncream should be applied before school. But Ds reacts to lots so now we just use an organic barrier one, unfortunately it is not long lasting. I asked his teacher if I could apply it at the beginning of afternoon sports day and after explaining the situation she suggested she allow him to apply his on cream every lunchtimes. So I agree talk to the teacher.

Otherwise could you keep a 'spare'/emergency sun hat in her PE kit bag so if gets left at school overnight? Then send in two the next day so she puts spare one back in PE kit?

There's no blanket rule that says schools can't assist with sunscreen - any prohibition comes from individual school policy, not bureaucratic edict. We were lucky in KS1 with antipodean TAs who took sun protection very seriously and had no difficulty whatsoever in policing named sunscreen and applying a lunchtime top up for those whose parents requested it because of their DC's tendency to burn.

I'd have no qualms whatsoever in telling the teacher it was because her father was an arse!
I've heard much worse!

They won't let children keep a hat there and their rules state they can't apply suncream and the infant children are deemed too young to do it themselves

They don't allow the children to use sun protection??

Also, if your daughter is at the doctors because a sun burn is that bad, the court should be putting their foot up her father's ass.

Can you leave a bottle with the teacher to be kept at school?

ask how they are going to protect your child from harm given that she is in their care and her father will not do it. funny how they fence this and that, ban the other yet are quite happy to let children get burned so bad it has lifelong consequences.

That is absolutely awful. One bad sunburn in childhood greatly increases the chance of melanoma later in life.

I would be pointing that out to your careless ex and the school.

This makes me really angry. A sunburn requiring medical attention is child abuse in my book, as bad as if he had held her hand in the fire. I would press charges frankly.

What if her Dr said that because of a previous bad burn that has scarred that she needs sunscreen applied before going out. Can school apply then?

My head teacher told us all that it's a complete myth that health and safety prevents staff from applying sun cream - in the email the H&S website was quoted - worth googling for.

Obviously staff can't apply sun cream to the whole class, but I can't think of any reason at all why she can't have a labelled sun hat and sun cream in her tray, nor why the teacher can't remind her to apply it (as long as you accept that there might be times when there's so much else going on she forgets - teachers are human,,,)

We were told, as teachers, that we were not allowed to apply sun cream as this could be construed as child abuse; too intimate body contact. School probably being over-cautious, but that is how it is nowadays. Children certainly brought their own cream to apply, and I do wonder why your child is not allowed to keep a sun hat at school; could she not keep it with her PE kit, or does that have to be taken home each night? If she was burnt badly enough to require medical attention, I am sure the school would be prepared to consider some alternative arrangements; certainly go in an discuss the situation, without blaming your ex; just emphasise the medical aspect.