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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that DH just disengages whenever he feels like it?

11 replies

undercoverdogwalker · 08/06/2014 20:19

Whilst I have to pick up the slack?

He always seems to get absorbed in something; DIY, watching sport, watching a film, playing games on his phone, and when he's absorbed in it he goes totally uncommunicative and disengages with the DC and I, not listening to a word we say and basically opting out of family life. Yesterday it was the grand prix qualifier, today it's the bloody grand prix. There's always something. He'll only pull his weight if he feels like doing so, and if he doesn't he'll just go off and do his own thing.

I get cross as I don't get that luxury; I have to juggle everything and always pick up the slack, whilst he can opt in and out at leisure. Tonight he'd clearly decided he was watching the grand prix, so he just ate dinner, left his plate and the rest of the tidying up and went and sat in the living room. There is always an assumption that I will sort the DCs out and do anything that needs doing in the house. Also it's annoyed me that he has just assumed that there's nothing I want to watch and that he can just hog the tv all evening!

It's no good me just leaving things, as he just wouldn't do them if he doesn't want to! He's currently sat in the sitting room, totally absorbed in the tv, and I have just had to repeat something to him three times before he'd reply. He's like a child!

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 08/06/2014 20:22

Does he have any redeeming features?
Where do you see this relationship in 5 years? 10 years?
When you talk to him about this, what does he say?

missingmumxox · 08/06/2014 20:23

I would have waved from the door, bye I am off out, feed the kids.

undercoverdogwalker · 08/06/2014 20:30

I've told him I am going upstairs to watch tv as I don't want to sit near someone who is being so rude. He always goes to bed early so when he comes up to bed I'll make sure I'm 'absorbed' in the telly so he has to have it on in bed

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 08/06/2014 20:31

Do you think that will improve things though?
Wouldn't it be better to have a proper talk?

undercoverdogwalker · 08/06/2014 20:33

He doesn't do proper talks.

If I try to talk to him he either says I'm causing aggro, or becomes absorbed in fiddling with something and stops listening.

OP posts:
MummyLuce · 08/06/2014 20:37

Aaah bloody Grand Prix!!!! Same situ going down here

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/06/2014 20:37

Oh god poor you OP. Another man child. I am so SICK of hearing these awful, ridiculous stories.

Wha t would happen if you confronted him - stood in front of the telly, unplugged it, snipped off the plug, whatever?

I am surprised you are still with him and still putting up with it, TBH.

Wanker.

3littlefrogs · 08/06/2014 20:39

OK. So how long are you prepared to put up with it/him?
He will never change.
So I ask you again. Where do you see this relationship in 5 years?

Glitterfeet · 08/06/2014 20:44

YaNbu to be pissed off.

You do need to talk to him properly and tell him what happens when he disengages. That it isn't fair that you pick up his share of the jobs and his time isn't more I important than yours.

WitchWay · 08/06/2014 20:46

Grrrr the bloody Grand Prix - we haven't eaten yet because the programme hasn't finished. Yesterday the whole universe revolved around Top Gear re-runs & the TT racing. Angry

Glitterfeet · 08/06/2014 20:46

Ahh, just seen that he won't listen.

Do out ever just get up on a Saturday morning and say bye, I'm off out, without the kids.

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