To be furious with this so called friend about ex not seeing his kids?

[extremepie]

Stupid thing really, I posted a status on fb asking for advice about doing a uni course, which one I should do etc.

Of all the people who commented on it hardly any were actually supportive and encouraging, almost all of them basically said don't bother which upsets me but that's a whole other thread, particularly one mutual friend of mine & exH's who said 'what if you're studying several hours commute away and there's problems only a mother can fix' - I translate this as saying 'you're a mum now, don't bother about getting a career or studying as you're only there to look after your kids' possibly being oversensitive?

When I got irritated and said people use childcare all the time to help them while they work or study and it would be a hell of a lot easier if ExH was around to help support and look after his children he commented back saying stuff about 'life choices' and 'you've made your bed now you have to lie in it!'

At this point I just lost the plot, this 'friend' has barely spoken to me since the break up, so he has no idea just how difficult the last year has been for me and I was really upset that he seemed to insinuate that it was all my fault that we broke up and I had done something wrong! Ex was borderline abusive, neglected me and the kids because he spend all his time smoking weed and playing on computer games and I did everything I possibly could to keep us together but in the end I just couldn't do it anymore. And he was defending my ex!

Wibu to tell him exactly what I thought of him and his 'opinion' (I may have used bathe words 'you are a dick :/)

He made a valid point. If I was sole carer of my children I wouldn't consider working or studying a fair distance away

so what is it you want the OP to do? She has a child to care for and bring up. Presumably you would prefer she did that with the minimum of recourse to public funding? Presumably you think it would be better for the children of single parents to see a good 'work ethic' in their parents, rather an be reliant on benefits? Presumably you understand that the better educated a person is, the more likely they are to earn well, set a 'good example' to their children, and be less reliant on public funding? Rather than having a go at the OP for trying to move her life fowards in a positive way, you could question why it is you think it is her sole responsibility to provide care for her children? shouldn't her ex also be available to pick up children at short notice? why is it only one parent's responsibility?

OP - go for it! I'm a single parent and although I had a degree, I decided to re-train when my ex husband walked out. I now teach, full-time, and have happy, healthy children. For the nay-sayers, I studied a considerable distance away (although was in school on placement locally for a good portion of the course) and it was never a problem for my children, or my children's school/child care. It seems that whatever single parents do, there is always someone who has something negative to say about it.

If you ask for opinions on FB don't complain if you don't like what you get.

And, though I am not an expert, I understand debt repayments only kick in when you are earning above a certain amount.

Definitely go for it, OP. As for UnhappyMummyofOne, no surprises there

Think of this as a new life you are starting.

Get rid of FB. Honestly, 9 times out of 10 it's pointless and only gets you down.

Go and do your Uni course. Go for it. NOTHING will stop you.

While you are at Uni, make some new friends and get rid off all the judging ones, the unhelpful ones and the unsupportive ones.

You've got this far, carry on, keep going and bollocks to what anyone else thinks. Online OR in Real life.

PerpendicularVincenzo good luck with that! I suggested a name change to BitterMummy might be more apt. I have yet to see her post anything positive!

Haven't read the thread but let me guess, happy mummy is pissing all over it?

Who would have thought it.

MN have asked that you report posts if needs be. I suggest you do just that.

Report for what It's AIBU not please agree with the OP.

Thank you for the encouragements :) I'm still deciding what would be the best course to do weighing up all the options but have booked to attend the uni's open day to try and get some more information!

I have posted in the past about not being able to work and at the moment that is the case but I'm trying very hard at the moment to dig myself out of this depressive way of thinking and find something positive to focus on which is probably why I got so upset about his comments

Sorry wrong thread but good luck, I'm we experienced in the twatty ex, mine grew up and started being less twatty but it's still there.

Sorry wrong thread but good luck, I'm we experienced in the twatty ex, mine grew up and started being less twatty but it's still there.

The bloke's a knobhead. He wound you up. You bit. Neither of you come out of it looking great.

I think because you got a bunch of people saying "don't bother" about the uni course that's made you a bit sensitive, whereas you'd have otherwise been able to ignore it or laugh it off.

But you posted on FB for people's opinions, and you got their opinions.

You've said hardly any replies were supportive and/or encouraging.

Now you have to ask yourself honestly...

Are these people, these friends of yours, generally the type to piss on your chips?

Or is it the case that, given they know far more about you than we do, they are giving genuine considered advice?

Well all the people who commented were people who know me but are not super close, most of them I haven't seen in years! One was my sister but she lives up north and I hardly ever see her (much older, we didn't grow up together) so not really anyone who knows much about my current situation.

I had a long conversation with my mum and she's all for it! She knows me very well :)

Thing is I wasn't asking if I should go or not I was asking what course I should do so I would have thought it quite obvious it was something I did want :)

Talk to us, what are the course options? We are all supportive here

OP you need to toughen up. The world is full of twats and many of them feel single mothers/the disabled/people on benefits are fair game.

All you can do is eliminate them from your life if at all possible, treat with indifference where not, and do what the hell you like despite their viewpoints anyway.

It's easy to criticise. It's easy to find reasons not to do something. That's why so many people don't. Rise above it and try anyway. What have you got to lose? A bit of wounded pride and some I told you sos?

But if you succeed...

Yanbu. I'm a single parent, and I'm hoping to go to.uni next year to do a mental.health nursing degree. My 1st choice uni is just over an hour door to.door IIRC.
But its worth it to build a better life for me and my dc.

Raskova at the moment I'm looking at: physiotherapy/occupational therapy, sports therapy, or forensic science :)

I think I'm leaning towards forensic science at the moment but need to do some more research!

I don't tend to get nasty stuff on fb. Someone added me way back when I first went on (and you accept everyone), I thought nothing more of it but years later I posted god knows what and she commented 'that's why everybody hates you!' Nice.

I think I just wrote cheers for that.... Then deleted her.

Not sure I could contain the rage if someone dared to say sob ex was the good guy or something, it'd take someone stronger than me to keep the rant inside!

Why forensic science? The others are related. That isn't?

Is this something you're interested in or you see a good career path?

Do you have anything relayed to these qualifications?

I have a psychology degree. I did forensic psychology as a module. I've since read that there are less than 1000 forensic jobs in the uk.

Mainly because I just really love it! Not sure about the job angle yet though, I do think that jobs in that field would be quite hard to come by but I'll ask them about that when I go to the open day :)