about wedding and my children

[2boysandcounting1]

My cousin is due to get married in August and she has invited myself husband and children to her wedding. However my 3 year old is going through some terrible tantrums so i would rather my husband drops me off at the ceremony and meal while he looks after the children and then comes to the evening reception. My husband agrees with this also.

I know this will not go down well with my cousin but i don't want my eldest to be disruptive especially as she told my mom that she expects him to behave that day. I just cant see him sitting through ceremony speeches and meal without getting bored. Is it unreasonable to feel her that it will be just myself for the day and my husband will come later with the children?

I understand, but can someone babysit for you so both you and your husband can go? Or perhaps take the DCs with the agreement that your DH removes them from the ceremony if they are really disruptive?

That said though, I was at a wedding the other weekend with the odd cry and toddler chatter and no one cared.

Your cousin can't possibly disagree with your logic- she is definitely BU to say that's a bad idea.

unless they have confirmed numbers and child meals etc already? But even then, I'd rather pay out extra than have my day ruined by a tantrumming 3 year old.

If you're happy with it and dh is happy with it I really can't see why your cousin would have a problem with it.

You sound very considerate, and ensuring that your ds isn't going to disrupt things. I'd tell your cousin 'thanks so much for the invite, really looking forward to it. Ds is being a pita 3 year old at the moment, and I'd hate for him to spoil anything, so I'll get dh to bring the kids in the evening, and get to enjoy the day by myself' - that way you make it for her benefit in your response

I was at a wedding yesterday with lots of children, including some with sen.
Parents just did their best, no one was removed and we just ignored screeching, running around etc. Weddings are family events imo- children cause chaos sometimes that's just the way it is.
Will he sit and play with cars etc beside the table?

I think she will be glad of him not ruining her day more. Just tell her what you are going to do and why.

So I've just read the op properly. Sorry!
I'd go with your gut-if the bride will be unhappy with disruption and you will feel on edge then I think your plan is great. Shows how considerate you are.

I'd say that's great logic and very considerate. You can't force a child to behave, you can praise and discipline but if they decide to throw wobblies on the day you would just have to try and ride it out. Which would be disruptive and embarrassing for you if they were as bad as you think they are, plus I'm sure it would annoy people there including the bridal party so really you are doing them a favor. If she's narked about it then she's a bit of a prat really.

This way there's no wobblies to worry about, you can have a lovely stress-free day and so can the kids. They can do something they want to do and you do yours. Most young kids are bored until it gets to the meal and dancing anyway. I would maybe see if you can find a friend to babysit so you and your husband can go together instead, enjoy a day together that way but the way you've decided sounds fine.

Its a weekday wedding so everyone who could babysit will be at work. I have one possible person who could but if they can't then that just leave's my husband and he doesn't mind. He is definitely pushing boundaries at the moment and i think it will just make the whole day stressful especially as she has already said that she expects him to behave. Children are not invited apart from family children. I wouldn't allow him to misbehave but at 3 you can't predict their behaviour especially going by how he is at the moment. I think 3 has definitely been worse than 2!

My other son will be 2 and he is starting terrible twos and im also pregnant. I think the wedding is for 120 people. She has already been funny with different people about different aspects of the wedding vut to me this arrangement would be beat for everyone.

Why do you think it won't go down well? She may be relieved that your toddler won't be there if she's already said that she wants him to behave. I'm not sure toddlers care about where they are when they are tantruming.

Sorry predictive txt is making my posts not make sense!

If she's already being funny would it be easier to just decline? It's an invitation not a summons.

I think you are doing the right thing. I did the same for my cousins wedding. All day everyone kept asking why he wasn't there. When DH brought him to the reception he immediately started break dancing on the dance floor. This is why he wasn't at the ceremony

Yanbu. My brother is getting married this year, we are taking our 2 boys 3, and 1 yo. But will sit at the back with a big packet of sweeties (decanted into a tub to avoid rustling), any noise from them and dh will exit and let them run about outside a bit/play with some cars/trains outside the room if it raining, same for speeches and in all honesty dinner too.

I think your plan sounds good, you need to do what works for you.

does she have kids? I ask because its pretty laughable to say you "expect" a three year old to behave and leave it at that. If it was that easy, half of MN wouldn't exist! Absolutely YANBU to find another solution. Seriously, how much notice is she really going to take on her big day of a cousin's toddler's absence?

Yes she has a 2 year old so will be interesting to see how she behaves. You can't predict behaviour at that age. It will be nice to enjoy the day without the stress of stroppy toddlers!then they can come on the night when it is more relaxed.

I'd let her be a funny tbh . She won't realise on the day itself.