'Would you like' or 'do you want'

[chocolateWaffles]

When talking to DD who is almost 2 I naturally say 'would you like...' whereas DP says 'Do you want....'

DP is getting strangely irritated by it, and keeps saying she's going to get teased when she starts school if she says 'would you like' as it's old fashioned apparently.

Surely it's perfectly normal?
Or does everyone say do you want?

I say both. More often "would you like", it just sounds more polite.

Your dp is being weird

Your DP is being odd! There is nothing old fashioned about 'would you like'. Of all the things children can be teased for I can't imagine this would be one of them

"Would you like" is politer. It is not in the slightest but old fashioned. May as well get her into good habits now, and ignore this brain fart by your DP.

I say "Can I get you"

It is good for the wee DC to learn tone and variance so I think your DP's worrying about nothing. For example you might say to your friend "Do you want a glass of wine" and to a visitor to your firm, "Would you like a glass of water?" If you only knew "Do you want" you'd be a bit rude surely.

"Would you like" sounds more polite to my ears. It evades that slightly tricky word "want" - but perhaps we shouldn't? Perhaps you should teach your dd that to "want" things is OK? After all, as a girl, she will meet a lot of pressure to deny her own wants, even her own needs, and put those of others first.

But I think your h is being a bit weird.

I've not met a child yet who's been teased for asking: "Would you like ...?"

I think he's imagining you all live in some 70s right-on children's novel, where the lead character is a feisty, ambitious teen, growing up on an implausibly rough estate, adn doing wel against all the odds.

He's being a banana.

I got told I was rude for asking a friend, in a pub, when it was my round, "what do you want?" She told me that was extremely bad manners not to say "what would you like?" and that she would be going home instead.

Everyone else there thought she was being precious.

At home I tend to say,"can I get you...?"

Well I prefer when children say I would like instead of I want

I hate 'do you want 'and use 'would you like'

"Would you like" sounds better to me. I say this to DS (although I am sure sometimes it's "do you want"), but I much prefer the former.

And I teach him to say "Please may I have" or "I would like"

I respond to "I want" with "I want does not get"

I am turning into my mother

My sister took the piss out of me teaching my kids 'May I...' instead of 'Can I...'. I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching them to speak correctly.

There is nothing in the least old fashioned or strange about "Would you like". DD needs to grow up knowing that there are politer ways of phrasing than "I want", and that politeness is more likely to get results.

Joey it sounds as if your friend was better off at home, for your sake! Fancy storming off over that!

OP I say both. It's not old fashioned at all. I say it to DD, friends, my parents... Your DH is being odd...

Both are fine. Your dh must live a sheltered life!

thecatfromjapan I used to love those right-on children's books in the 80s! There was one where the main character was a girl but all the way through you thought she was a boy until the end because she did typical "boy" things. Also another one which I have never managed to track down where a group of schoolgirls set up a sort of feminist terrorist group - very OTT cartoony violence And another one where the boy and girl wrote to each other, the boy was a Young Conservative and the girl was Labour, and they argued about everything and ended up falling in love. Also one where the little girl discovers her dad's in the IRA. My dad is the least sinister bloke ever, he works for the local council, so I was quite intrigued at the idea.

Er, sorry, a bit derailing there! Your comment brought back happy memories :)

Was the first one 'The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler' by any chance? I loved that book...!

Yes! Thanks DoJo I was trying to remember the name of it! I really liked that book as a kid.

I remembered that the one where the boy and girl write to each other was called "Dear Comrade". Which seemed very shocking when I was little as it was bad people who said "Comrade" in films and on the telly

I was shopping the other day and in response to the assistant's "Can I help you?" I said, "Please may I have..."
She looked at me like I had two heads, smirked and said, using a mocking, imitative tone, "Yes you may". .

What was that about?

Would you like is normal, don't understand why she thinks it isn't. Does your DP also say "can I get?" when she's buying something?

The group of school girls may be the girl gang

I tend to use "Would you like" for stuff like biscuits or watching TV and "Do you want" for a drink or weewee. Want just seems a bit more urgent to me, so is used for things ds needs. He's not quite 19 months yet though so i still get away with a lot of brisk "It's time to" brush your teeth/go for a nap/eat lunch, long may that last!

Wabbitty I will look! I have been trying to track down that book for years, it made such a strong impression on me but I can't recall the title. I can even see the front cover in my head, but not the title...