Am I selfish to put myself first in these situations?

[Anonynony]

I'm always hearing people saying things like they never buy anything for themselves and always put the kids first (material possessions/clothes wise) and always thought it was just a bit martyry but today for I started to feel maybe I'm actually a bit selfish, I think about buying clothes and stuff (exercise things etc) for myself much more than things for DD who's 3 next week. She has PILES of toys from her dad's side and plays with barely anything, we're always out and about and prefers playing with me or going on her scooter than "stuff" but my friends seem to adore buying this stuff for their kids and most definitely would put that before their own needs or wants (I ended up getting nothing for DD but got myself a dress, jacket and yoga mat )
Also most of my friends especially with girls just can't help themselves but to splurge on clothes all the time, even friends in much worse financial situations to myself. Whereas I just seem to get what she needs, sometimes think whoops she definitely needs a few things and enjoy getting them but what I mean is I get far more pleasure out of buying for myself. Which seems to be completely in the minority. Honestly, do I sound selfish? I was an only child so I sometimes wonder!

Also, where I really do "spoil" her would be with experiences, I'd go without myself to make sure she has every experience available to her, classes, groups, day trips, farms, breaks away etc.

You enjoy lots of quality time together and she also has ample material possessions. Sounds absolutely fine!

Yanbu, you seem very sensible. As you say she has more than she needs, so she's not missing out. I'm sure she loves the time spent doing stuff means more than the actual stuff.

I agree with you. My Kids don't care what they wear. I have spent barely anything clothing my girls,they live in leggings and tshirts from charity shops. I actually think it's a bit wrong when I see little girls dressed in uncomfy dresses, thought that May well be the child's independent streak.

Are these friends with daughters really being unselfish? Or do they have fun 'dressing up' their children more for their own benefit than the child's?

I think you should always put a child's needs first. But not their wants. And not 'buying things for them' because you enjoy it.

It sounds like your daughter has plenty of possessions, and plenty of attention. That's all she needs, not for you to 'splurge' on her every time you get the chance.

You don't sound selfish to me.

The red herring here is the fact that you don't sound in any financial issues...so you don't have the situation where you see something you'd like for DD but can't afford it.

If you were like me and couldn't afford much then you'd have a certain guilt....related to your income and ability to provide "nice things" and so when you DID have cash, you'd probably spend it on DD.

You see this is why I feel a bit bad though, because it was the first bit of disposable cash I had in a while. We're only back from holidays which I saved pretty hard for so I think that's why I'm feeling a bit guilty/unsure ofmyself.
But I did ramble into toy shops and look for ages but honestly I could picture most of it cast aside within two minutes. When I was in a better financial situation I went book crazy and she has enough books to last her an extremely long time but I still can't shake this feeling that I should WANT to get her something, her two aunties put me to shame as "they just can't help themselves" but I just really don't see the need and get so much more pleasure getting something I know I'll actually wear, enjoy and have for a really long time! But activities do always come first.

Sounds good and I wish that it were the norm.
Far too many people live through their children, which will be upsetting and lonely when said children grow up.

I love buying clothes for my DD but I recognise she doesn't need them, I just love buying clothes especially children's clothes.

I love buying nice things for my DS but I can see your point about buying stuff for the sake of buying. After having DS, I must admit I don't look at cash in the same way, having had a bit of a mind set of popping into town and buying myself a little treat, I just don't anymore. If I've got the cash and I don't actually need anything it tends to go into savings instead. I'm happier tucking it away for the longer term things Id like to be able to help him with, that will be rather more expensive than toys or clothes.