Is it unreasonable...

[Calmacmum]

Is it unreasonable to feel hurt when partner of terminally ill woman says he is entitled to come and go as he pleases?

I think you need to provide a little bit more information.

Not enough info in the title or the post to decide any kind of answer really.

I am the terminally ill person referred to; yesterday partner (we don't live together) put on big performance to McMillan nurse about how he had made the decision to be/stay with me despite disease but this morning packs travel bag and when I ask why he going back to town early (he stays here Thursday to Sun/Mon) he says he not accountable to me and is entitled to "come and go as he pleases". Ami I being unreasonable to be hurt?

no yanbu he sounds like he has already left you apart from the actual "leaving" sorry xx

I'm so sorry to read of your illness. Your partner sounds incredibly selfish and self obsessed. Do you really want him to stay or have you any other familly/ friends that can help if you need it? He doesn't sound as if he's able or willing to give you the emotional support that you need and if he has this selfish attitude you might be better of without him.

Sorry you are so ill.He sounds awful.I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he's to sad to cope but I don't think so.Do you have anyone else,friends or famiy,to help you?There's a good support site on here called 'life limitting illnesses' Try posting there too. Mx.

Then make sure you let the door smack his arse on the way out and lock it behind him, you don't need someone like that in your life. He made the decision to stay with you despite the disease?? Not because he wanted to be with you or loved you then? I'm so sorry for your situation, it truly is shit but the last thing you need in a shit situation is a shit of a person who wants to walk in and play the martyr when he feels like it. He sounds like a leech and you deserve better. xx

Thank you for replies, I shall go and have a think about things.

Was he a twat before you became ill?

Sorry about your illness.

It sounds to me as if the talk with the Macmillan nurse has made him think about your situation and he's pulling away. This is really awful and I sincerely hope you have other people in your life you can fully rely upon. I don't think You will be able to count on him being there.

Maybe worth contacting the Macmillan nurse and explaining the new situation and asking if this changes anything she advised / set up for you following the discussion when your partner was there.

I'm sorry, both about your illness and also because it sounds like your partner may have opted for the same tactic my friend's did when she had cancer. He didn't have the honesty or the integrity to say the truth, instead he started coming and going as he pleased, doing as he pleased and being abrasive and rude. All to force her to break up with him so he wasn't the 'bad guy who broke up with X when she had cancer. Actually what happened is she needed him so badly and had such lowness at the time that she stayed with him for a longer time and was subject to emotional abuse in a time when she needed support.

I really hope your DP was just having a shit day, couldn't cope and rings you to apologise but if this is an emerging pattern then I expect he's like my friend's ex.