to think that DH saying I look like Max Wall is an insult?

[cardamomginger]

I get it whenever I wear black leggings. Don't get me wrong, I like Max Wall. I very much enjoy his portrayal of Vladimir in Waiting for Godot. But I don't, as a woman who is still relatively young and occasionally strays into the territory of being fashionable, want to be told that I look like him.

DH says that it is at worst neutral and actually a compliment. When pressed, he says it is because Max Wall had skinny legs, so I should be pleased. I've pointed out that I would rather be compared to someone who has lithe, slender yet shapely legs. Not someone who has 'old man' skinny legs.

Given that DH never says anything about my appearance at all, other than this, AIBU to feel pissed off and insulted?

I don't have a scooby who Max Wall is, but from the picture, he has very good legs, so at least that's something. I would prepare a similarly "jokey" but hits the nerve comment to use every time your DH says this. Perhaps something about his willy that can be trotted out in front of his mates.

Fwiw, when ex told me I looked like Bubbles (it was just because of what I was wearing apparently so not an insult at all!) I tried to reason with him and said "what if you put on your running shorts and I said you looked like Daffyd the only gay in the village?"

He just said "it wouldn't bother me because it's not true".

It was like he couldn't comprehend that if a joke taps into the insecurities you already have, that it doesn't really matter whether it's true or not.

Is your H usually an insensitive arse? I'm assuming that as he doesn't pay you any compliments he isn't necessarily the most demonstrative partner ever. If this 'joke' is his way of communicating in general because he is uncomfortable about showing any emotion?

I realised that my ex was basically incapable of empathy and would joke if I told him I had chest pains about me having 'Billy Ray Cyrus disease' (an 'achey breaky heart') or some shit rather than show any concern.

I'd like to think it was some inability to show empathy rather than him being a complete and utter wanker (for the DCs' sake as much as anything.)

Oh and btw, if you tell him that you find it insulting and he says "it's neutral, not an insult" he is being an arse again. The correct response is "sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I won't say it again, you look lovely and I was just being silly". That is how my current lovely DP would deal with it (perhaps after taking half an hour to mull it over and reach his conclusion!)

Stop moaning

Yabu and this is a stealth boast

It's only a joke if everyone laughs.

I'll never forget my dear late Dad, stood in the kitchen one night as I was off out to the local rock club in the late 80's. I had on black spandex, incredibly short denim shorts and thigh boots.
He looked at me, slapped his thigh with perfect pantomime prowess and shouted "Which way to London Dick?!" whilst my Mother silently sobbed tears of mirth behind me.
Didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Jaberwocky?? Oh dear.

Foreski- that's horrible.
Ronald - how is this a stealth boast? I haven't anywhere said what I actually look like.
Sisters - oh dear! Great name, BTW!

I will confess I called my best mate Max Wall once....

She's 6ft tall and has legs like very very thin matchsticks but a reasonably average size top half. We were clothes shopping and she decided to try on a pair of skinny jeans rather than the straight leg she normally had. I thank God she has my sense of humour because I creased up when she stepped out of the changing room in them. Max Wall did leave my lips. She couldn't get them back off for laughing.

She still wears straight leg jeans. We've never revisited skinnies with her.

this would be a stealth boast:

DH keeps calling me Giselle and it really annoys me because I think Giselle Bundchen is a silly vacuous idiot. When I ask him why he insists on upsetting me like this, he says it is because she has such long legs and I should be pleased! Wanker! Why can't he call me Karlie instead? [petulant face emoticon]

Max Wall? Not so much....

It is funny though.

Oh I don't know carda that Max Wall hairstyle is to die for isn't it?

this would be a stealth boast:

DH keeps calling me Giselle and it really annoys me because I think Giselle Bundchen is a silly vacuous idiot. When I ask him why he insists on upsetting me like this, he says it is because she has such long legs and I should be pleased! Wanker! Why can't he call me Karlie instead? [petulant face emoticon]

Max Wall? Not so much....

Leggings are not suitable wear for grown ups.

My Dad used to say the same to me when I wore leggings as a teenager

My DH isn't great at giving compliments either, it's like he always has to slip in some sort of sarky comment.

Mind you, if he's too genuinely enthusiastic I just assume that my tits or arse are hanging out so go and change, he can't win

It is definitely NOT a compliment, and although it could be seen as neutral, if you have expressed your displeasure at being likened to Max Wall before and he persists then it's not only rude, he's definitely a huge arse.

I was going to laugh at this post...the Max Wall thing is funny

But then I saw: "ONLY thing he ever says about my appearance" "Plus it's in front of his mates".

WTF?! Any man with sense knows, dissing your DW in front of your mates even though some may laugh along with it, makes you a prick - & thats what theyll tell their own DW about you when they get home.

The "too sensitive" is just minimising your feelings, so he can continue belittling you. Its not about him aiming to choose/judge your reaction to what is said, its about recognising how you feel & just shutting up!! Sorry in this situation Id find a suitable character and insult him back, broken record technique. He wont mind, its just a joke isnt it?

One of my relatives used to call me Max Wall when I wore leggings. I didn't take it as a compliment. He used to have a silly walk and stuck his bottom out!
Max Wall wasn't mentioned if I wore leggings with long tops or dresses, just when I wore leggings with cropped, vest or short tops (did lots of dance and cycling).

My mum always said that when I wore skin tight jeans in the 80s. Makes me laugh that people are still saying it!! I never felt insulted, though I suppose I actually had no idea who Max Wall was!! Apart from - I think the Baron Knights used to do him!! Memories....

PS I started wearing leggings again (post 80s) having seen a lengthy heated discussion on here a few years ago. I love them (and they're so much better than their baggy knee and bottomed predecessors!!) Always worn as tights now though not as trousers, except sometimes on a Sunday as they're soooo comfy and I really can't be arsed!!

At the time I think the discussion also included whether ladies 'of a certain size' should wear them. My rule with clothes is if they make it in that size then I am allowed to wear it and I'm sticking to that!!!

I don't often wear leggings. Well not in the summer. I do wear them in winter with a longish jumper. In summer, it tends to be more of a yoga thing.

Max Wall doing yoga would have been quite a sight...

I tell him, but I'm just being too sensitive, blah blah blah. TBH it feels like it is part of a general picture where DH gets to say/do what he wants and it's up to me to modify my thinking or response to it all.

OK so is there some aspect of his appearance that he might be sensitive about? Think of the most unflattering comparison you can and then just happen to drop it in to the conversation when his mights are around. If he doesn't like it then tell him he is being too sensitive...

his mates not mights!!!