Who gets the final decision regarding parenting.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

How do DH and I get on the same page.

We seem to be arguing a lot over parenting.

We both have different ideas.

You find a middle ground. Unless someone is glaringly in the wrong.

Can you give examples?

I like to give a warning, then 2 second warning thinking spot then afterwards explains why.

DH is thinking spot, then saying times up go and play.

I say as long as bedrooms are cleaned during the day it doesn't matter, but DH says if we ask them to tidy bedrooms it should be done as soon as we ask.

The one of you who does the most parenting gets the final decsion

Ditto, the one that does the most parenting.

The one who does the lions share of childcare, my dp always does things 'my way' because if he doesn't my dd thinks I'm a push over and I'm the one who has to deal with it all say when he's at work!

I disagree that the he who does the most parenting gets the final say, if by parenting you mean childcare/direct contact with the children. Being out earning the money to provide for the children is equally as valid and valuable to the children, so it's incredibly unfair to belittle that contribution by saying that the parent who does that doesn't deserve as much say.

But that said, I can't see the point of making children sit in a thinking spot if they are given no idea what they are supposed to be thinking about, so in that respect, I'd personally do something a little different to both your methods.

Can't you agree on a time that rooms should be tidied? Say before or after dinner?

On the bright side, these aren't glaringly huge differences.

Do you discuss your approaches at calm times, or in the heat of things, such as when the children are already acting up? My first suggestion is waiting until a completely calm time, children in bed, etc. Things don't tend to resolve if you're disagreeing at the moment. Apologies if this isn't the case.

I would then take it from a stance where you first look at strengths, areas in which you agree (such as using a thinking spot in general) then discuss your approaches, why you prefer a warning. Try to find a middle ground. If nothing else, agree there should be consistency, and that should probably follow the approach of the parent who spends the most time in care of the children.

Generally agree: but watch for this. If they ask for something you should ask Have you asked your father? and if they has and he said No it's No even if you would have said Yes.

And of course the other way round.

It sounds obvious but they need to know that they can't appeal from one to the other.

I know it's little differences.

It's come to the stage of the DC playing us off against each other.