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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex badmouthing me to friends

3 replies

everythinghippie29 · 05/06/2014 15:46

A few days ago an old friend contacted me to ask if I was still in touch with my ex fiancee. I explained that we spoke occasionally and met up (as a group of friends) a few times a year.

My friend then said they had bumped into my ex who was drunk and after a few minutes of conversation he brought me up out of nowhere and began saying some unpleasant and really personal things about me. My friend told him he didn't want to hear it and walked away but was just letting me know as they would want to know if someone was saying things like that about them.

My issue is that I am going to a party this weekend and my ex will be there. He has always been pleasant and friendly to my face, so will likely be the same. It is a celebration for a mutual friend so I am hesitant to say anything to him as I would rather just enjoy the day however I feel very uncomfortable with some of the things he has said I spoke about it to another friend who admitted he has said things to them as well and it makes me wonder who else he has said stuff to.

I won't really be able to politely ignore him without it being fairly obvious and making other people uncomfortable but don't feel comfortable chatting to him either! It all feels very high school!

Would I be unreasonable to have a quiet word with him and let him know that I know and if he feels the need to be nasty about me in the future he should perhaps be more discreet or would I be better to just leave it and pretend that everything is ok?

For the record I ended our engagement although this was nearly 4 years ago.

OP posts:
CiderLover · 05/06/2014 15:53

I'm in a very similar situation to you.

I have decided to overlook it, he probably wants a reaction.

Ask your friends to ask him not to talk about you in their company as you are a friend. He will soon get the message.

I don't think it is wise to open a can of worms which will result in arguing and him denying it, then you having to ask your friends to confirm he's been slagging you off in front of everyone.

Maybe contact him after the party if you really want to talk to him about it

everythinghippie29 · 05/06/2014 16:37

Glad I'm not the only one Cider!

I know he obviously has his own issues so I'll leave him to it.

Great advice about asking my friends to just end any coversations that go that way!

My main worry was about causing a drama and although I know I wouldn't drag my friends in to it or get caught in a slanging match its probably not worth mentioning as I don't really feel I know him any more, particularly how he would act when confronted!

Good luck with your situation!

Goes to practice my 'I know you are a massive Asshat but I'm rising above' friendly face

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 05/06/2014 17:45

i would just ignore it, people say stupid things when they are drunk. he isn't an important factor in your life anymore so no point allowing drama to creep in.

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