To think there is a difference between a thread about welfare policy in general...

[Fideliney]

...and a thread where the OP/ posters are discussing sensitive RL financial details. And whilst unbridled political rants might be okay on one type of thread, they are crass bordering on bloody offensive on the other?

It's seriously unpleasant to tell individuals that they are scrounging, that their partners need to 'man up', that they should not have had their DC if they 'couldn't afford them', that they should 'try harder', that their life is an example of 'what is wrong with the country' (all recent examples).

It's just mean and unnecessary isn't it? Or am I just getting soppy in my old age?

I agree. It's like me with religion. Perfectly fine to rant about it WRT worship in schools, very wrong when someone is talking about the role of their faith in bereavement.

Exactly Pratchett! We all know that if a grieving person says "My faith is such a solace", then "What?! Talking to a made-up man in the sky?" would be a horrible unjustifiable response, even though most people accept that individuals are equally entitled to their religious faith or atheism.

So why is the situation in my OP different in terms of manners and decency?

Totally agree.
When I had my dc I was in a stable (or so I believed) relationship. Bastard was seeing prostitutes and I left.
I never intended to be a single parent. I hate being one.

Yes but when people post in AIBU then that is what you are going to get and very different to post in chat. If you are asking for people's opinion then it isn't always going to be pleasant or supportive depending in their view

AIBU isn't the place for sensitive information so if you post in there then you should expect more "robust" opinions.

isn't there a difference between expressing an opinion and being obtuse, cruel and smug?

Just because something is posted in AIBU doesn't mean some other posters can ride roughshod over people.

If they haven't anything constructive to say then why don't they just hide the thread?

There is a difference.

The difference is that people might post more sensitively elsewhere, but feel perfectly ok to rip someone to shreds on AIBU.

Nice.

If someone posts something that very probably will make another poster feel really crap, especially when they are clearly already at a low ebb, then that makes that person an utter twat - whether something is posted in AIBU or not.

I have seen posters being nasty just for the sake of it. They aren't making a point or trying to advise. They are just goading and unpleasant.

If people ask for opinions on AIBU, then they should expect people to give opinions. Even ones they might disagree with.

If people think the answer to a question of AIBU is YABU, then it's fair that they should be able to explain that opinion.

I don't think this is about not wanting opinions. It's about the civility of other people responding to the individual in question, and not taking the opportunity to get on their soap-boxes and rant about how wrong the posters are for even being in the situation they're in.

There is a place for soap-boxing - there's places on the boards to discuss the generality of religion/politics/welfare and so forth. There's also AIBU where people want to discuss their personal specific situation as it relates to them.

It says it at the top of the page:

whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil.

Isn't being civil about responding to the individual as a human being? I've seen it lots on here. 'I'm going to ignore the fact that this person is clearly in pain, and use the opportunity to boot her in the stomach with my Very Important Opinions'.

Agree with what you are saying generally, but in fairness to the poster I think you're talking about, once it was clear what a bad place the OP was in, the other poster did not come back with more posts. I think the other poster was justified in putting the posts they did as it was AIBU, but then refrained from adding anymore once the OP demonstrated the extent of their despair.

So YANBU, but I don't think the other poster was THAT U either - if they had carried on AFTER the OP had put their later posts then that would have been different.

Although there's now another poster soapboxing their political opinion while "not blaming the OP"...

that thread's added a few more names to my shitlist. very sorry for op.

I don't think this is about not wanting opinions. It's about the civility of other people responding to the individual in question, and not taking the opportunity to get on their soap-boxes and rant about how wrong the posters are for even being in the situation they're in.

This.

And I'd like to revoke my "in fairness" comment.

Fair point everyuser but a) It's not just THAT thread and THAT poster that I'm thinking of and b) On that (sensitive) thread certain posters made the assumptions that suited their rant rather than asking the relevant questions first.

Disagree.

The nice thing about internet forums as that you can be open and honest and the consequences are not the same as in "real life". And, of course, don't ask for people's opinion if you are afraid to hear an honest answer.

That doesn't mean you should be rude. There are many ways to say "get off your ass". you can say it reasonably politely or totally rudely.

It would be the rude ways I'm objecting to written

Personally I would take the fact that a regular was asking such a question in AIBU as a sign they were really wrestling with their conscience already.

THAT thread certainly hasn't improved overnight.

I don't suppose there's an answer though