To think this isn't good enough?

[Snowcherriesfromfrance]

FIL has been in hospital for nearly three weeks with pneumonia. He recovered pretty well initially but then caught another more aggressive hospital type of pneumonia and has been really ill since. The family have been called to the bedside twice. He has had problems eating since coking down with the second infection as he can't swallow - he has problems with this anyway because he had throat cancer several years ago. The hospital left him a week without doing anything and then finally put a feeding tube in which subsequently came out three or four times and each time it came out it took up to 24 hours for them to put it back. FIL now weighs less than 9 stone and he is 6 ft tall.

He was unwell again yesterday evening and the tube came out again this morning. Hospital called family to bedside again and a doctor from ICU came to talk to them. Currently FIL is in HDU rather than ICU but the HDU wanted to move him to ICU. The ICU consultant said that ICU is for people who have a chance to get better and that even though FIL hadn't had a scan in his opinion the cancer had returned so it was pointless treating any further. He basically said it was just a waiting game and that if the infection didnt kill him the cancer would in a matter of weeks he thought.

So dh and family have spent all day devestated by this news. Subsequently the ears, nose and throat consultant appeared so see FIL and was shocked to hear that the ICU consultant had pretty much diagnosed cancer. It turns out FIL had a scan on arrival or his lungs, vocal cords an throat and there was no cancer. The ENT guy said the scans were clear and the swallowing problem could be caused be a range of other things. They have now finally anchored the feeding tube in and agreed to send FIL for another CT scan after claiming previously that they couldn't. The ENT guy said this was a lie and he just needed a dr to accompany him.

Basically no one from ENT seemed to have informed anyone else until today that the scans were clear from cancer and subsequently everyone else has written FIL off because they've assumed the cancer is back.

AIBU to think this is actually not great care? And that the ICU consultant shouldn't have said that it was cancer when he actually didnt know? Dh and MIL and family have had a horrific day when actually although FIL isn't out of the woods because of the infection it isn't quite as bleak as it looked this morning?

This sounds awful! Can you contact the local Pals office! This needs urgent attention, they sound like they are going to bloody kill him at this/rate!

It's just so depressing. On top of the worry about FIL we don't feel in any way confident about the treatment. The fact that left him with just a saline drip but no feeding tube for a week when he was already underweight is not good.

We do feel like because he is 76 and has had cancer their attitude is basically "what do you expect?"
The ICU consultant in particular upset everyone and he was wrong!

Mil is distraught over the whole thing. I will suggest PALs to her but it may be dh or one of his brothers who pursues it, I'm not sure mil can take much more at the moment.

YANBU. Crikey.

This is obviously not satisfactory and sadly, not the first time I have heard of people being written off like this. In my experience, it has taken family to a)not leave the patient's side for the duration and b)watch treatment/nutrition/hydration like hawks to ensure consistent provision and 3) get someone you trust to draw up a treatment plan to get FIL well enough to leave hospital asap, to get through something like this.

I've seen medical rank pulled by family members to get decent care in the past and I remain shocked by the implications. Stick together, get some support from a medic you trust and I hope you get resolution soon.

It pretty much seems that unless you have a family fighting for you you've had it.

Mil has been back tonight and found FIL drenched in urine. Pyjamas and bed soaking wet. No idea how long he'd been like that, apparently he had rung the call button but surprise surprise no one had come.

The whole thing is just horrific.

terrible treatment I would insist on staying 24/7 and sod them if they said it wasn't allowed he needs someone to be there

Appalling. I would agree with Samsam, arrange someone to be there 24/7, also contact your MP.

I would make a complaint to the hospital management about it. And try and work in shifts so you can be there with him as much as possible. A similar thing happened to my dad earlier this year, sadly, despite our fight to get good care for him, he died. You have a fight on your hands to get the best for him, and you are going to have to be very observent about his care whilst you are there. I'm sorry, its bloody shite. If theres a window of opportunity where the infection clears up, I'd look to get him out asap, either in a nursing home or back home, before he picks up another infection.

I'd record all conversations as well. Its helpful for you, as you forget stuff, and it makes people work in a way where someone is looking over their shoulder. I recorded everything.

Start writing everything down and take this further as soon as you possibly can. However poorly he is, his care sounds appalling.

Bil there now. Dh and mil going back first thing.

How people who don't have any family cope I do not know.

This sounds awful! Can you contact the local Pals office! This needs urgent attention, they sound like they are going to bloody kill him at this/rate!

This sounds awful! Can you contact the local Pals office! This needs urgent attention, they sound like they are going to bloody kill him at this/rate!

This sounds awful! Can you contact the local Pals office! This needs urgent attention, they sound like they are going to bloody kill him at this/rate!

This sounds awful! Can you contact the local Pals office! This needs urgent attention, they sound like they are going to bloody kill him at this/rate!

That is totally unacceptable, and you must complain immediately, before any long term damage is done.
As someone said, it sounds like they are thinking "He's 76 and has had cancer, so we're writing him off" but that isn't on. And even if he is seriously ill, the urine thing is completely, utterly wrong.
My mum was given a false cancer diagnosis earlier this year, told it was terminal by her GP (?!?!) only to be told by her oncologist that it wasn't even malignant - she complained to the practice manager and the LHA and received a full apology plus the doctor was sent for more training (presumably including a course in tact and diplomacy). But the stress in the meantime was unbelievable.
So, make notes of everything and kick up a fuss - tell them you want him transferred to another hospital or you will go to the media.
I was a journalist for 15+ years and nothing puts the fear of God into crap managers more than the idea of appearing in print. It's a powerful tool if used wisely, and you quite often don't even need to see it through to get the desired result.
Good luck, hope he gets better soon.