To feel nostalgic about my pre-baby days...

[Writerwannabe83]

I have a 10 week old son who I absolutely adore but over the last week I've come to realise just how much impact he has when it comes to making plans. This is mainly because he's breast fed so has to be with me and I know that's the feeding choice I made but my life no longer feels like my own

Firstly I have had to pull out of attending a good friend's wedding as children aren't invited to the meal or evening reception.

Secondly my MIL is seriously ill in hospital and I can't go and see her because I don't want to take DS onto the ward.

I'm currently supposed to be out for a family meal with my parents, my sister, her children and her new partner but I have had to come home as DS is so, so, so tired and just wouldn't stop crying. I wasn't even there for 10 minutes.

I absolutely love DS and I don't begrudge anything, this new baby phase is so short and so it's no sacrifice at all, but it's just got me thinking how easy my life was pre-baby and how free I could be!!

Not that I remember those days much anymore

YANBU, everything takes 3x longer and 5x as much preparation as pre-kids. There are options open to you though:

1. Wedding - can someone close to you not invited (your parents?) spend the day close to the venue, taking care of your DS, and you attend the ceremony, feed DS, do photos, feed DS, meal, feed DS etc.?

2. MIL - if you and your DH go together then he can visit for 20 mins while you look after your DS outside, then swap over.

3. Evening do's - go through the bedtime routine & get DS to sleep before you go out, then let him sleep in his pram. If he's clingy then put him in a sling so he can sleep up against your chest while you have your hands free.

Congratulations on the new baby!

Congratulations!
It's not so much nostalgia - I'm sure you wouldn't change DS for the world - as just getting used to the new order (or perhaps disorder!) A new, young, BF baby gives you very little time to do ordinary or nice things, or even sleep. Things do get better in time (I wouldn't have had five otherwise!) and as your DS settles into routines. You must try to get better at handing him over for a little while here and there, too. Have you tried expressing?

Bsby is only ten week old. It gets so much easier, so much!

You will have the rest of your life for meals etc and in no time at all you will have time to yourself again. I don't mean that in any type of smart way, just this time with your bsby is wht you'll remember, not a meal.

I did find the first four months all consuming though, I must admit. I remember going for cervical screening around ten week post baby with unshaven legs and thinking ' is this it? ' ha ha.

andharry - thank you for your suggestions. Regarding the wedding my DH has suggested the same thing but to be honest the whole thing seems a bit of a faff, especially as the wedding isn't local anyway. My DH is a bit upset at his friend I think as DS would obviously not need as eat or feed so no costs would be incurred by DS sitting on my lap, but I said the couple are well within their rights to go child-free.

We did do the 'swap over' visiting last night but it was a complete disaster as it really messed up DS's bedtime. Visiting is 6-8pm and the hospital is just over a 45 minutes drive away so by the time we got a back DS was in a right state. Over tired baby is not good, lol. I could really only go during the daytime visiting hours but of course I don't have anyone to come with me and mind DS as everyone is at work

The sling idea is a good one - do you have any recommendations?

littledidsheknow - I have expressed in the past and have a good amount in the freezer but I really don't want to introduce bottles unless I really have to. If an emergency arose and I had to leave DH then fair enough, but otherwise I'm not keen.

littlegreen - I think I have shaved my legs twice since DS was born so I guess that's pretty good going

oh my god, I know what you mean, when dc1 was born, I had to nip to the shop, except I couldn't 'nip' to the shop, it felt like a military operation getting her in a snowsuit, in the buggy, etc. I had thought having a baby would be like my life with just a little addition, essentially...

You're right though, it does fly by so quickly and you adapt and get used to it all!

The sling's a bit tricky as he's soon going to be too heavy for a stretchy sling like the Close Caboo or Kari Me. Have a look at the Manducca, which can be used from newborn to 3 and is amazingly comfy, or the Ergo, with can be used with an insert while the baby can't support his own head and then without up until 3-ish too.

Congratulations on your new baby! My dd is 14 weeks now and I know exactly how you feel - I'm just starting to feel slightly in control, in so far as I can predict what she's likely to be doing. Saying that, today I planned to do stuff during her long midday nap... HA! It's like she knew. The little monkey slept for a total of 15 minutes between 7am and about half an hour ago. But she's so cute and huggable that it's impossible to mind.

With the expressing, you might want to give him the occasional bottle of expressed milk just so you know that he'll take a bottle if you want him to. I express most mornings and had loads in the freezer, but when dh tried to feed her a bottle of it recently she refused it and would only feed from me. She's back in the habit again now luckily -I'm actually considering booking a hair appointment in the next few weeks!!

By the way, I didn't get on with the caboo but love the baby bjorn. Dd prefers it as she likes to face out (nosy like her mummy) but she can still snuggle up comfortably facing in to sleep. Loads second hand on ebay.

Just a few little tips. When you cook, cook twice more then you need and freeze portions.

Although you may be tempted to stay in pjs, I used to gt a quick wash, all in one foundation and lipgloss on and a fail safe outfit (black batwing jumper and smartish trousers for eg) as early as I could in the day. I felt in much better humour and ready for the day. Even wearing nice perfume and earring if you don't feel good in your clothes yet.

Every single day get out of the house. Even for twenty minutes. I used to go to coffee shops for a plain coffee (cheap and cheerful) or the library. Everyone loves a baby.

Repack baby bag as soon as you get home with new wipes, bibs or whatever you know you need and a spare fiver in the pocket (if you are like me and forget your purse of whatever from time to time)

Microwave rice etc are your friends :)

soon enough you will be feeling nostalgic for the tiny baby days, for the toddler days, for the preschool days, for the primary school days.........

YANBU. It gets easier. I've had two bottle refusers, but they soon get to the point where you can do things in the window between feeds as it grows which helps. I can do a lot on shift with DH, what I miss is the couple time doing nice things without the DCs. I can do most things I want, even go away for weekends as DS2 is now at the stage where he can manage in my absence (he has a big milk fest when we're reunited), but I do miss a good hike!

Tbh I still feel nostalgic about those days and ove got three. It hits you like a slap in the face sometimes when you realise you can't undo the decision to have a child, that your life will never be the same again, or that you never appreciated small things about life pre DC. Or that everyone was right when they said how hard it is, that you would never know how tough it is until you had a child.

Sorry, not what you want to hear, but part of the reality of becoming a parent.

Please please reconsider about not introducing a bottle. All of my friends who did not introduce one early enough and then the baby wouldn't take one when they needed to introduce one really regretted it. There will be times when you need to be away from your baby and if they don't take a bottle it's a nightmare. I introduced one at 7 days old and mine swapped between bottle and breast easily.

Also just 1 bottle of expressed a day can give you a much needed little break and might help with how you are feeling. My husband used to give an expressed bottle very late at night so I could go to bed early and have a good sleep before I did the early morning feed.

With regards to slings I have tried absolutely loads . Best I found by far was the Mei Tai! Some good deals on them on Amazon at the moment.

Slings are fantastic, we had a Moby and then a rose and rebellion, I regretted buying a pram as it was hardly ever used.

I found the tiny baby stage very easy and I didn't feel like my life was limited by my baby, but I just had ds with me all the time, he had no bedtime, I just cuddled him all evening and he came to bed when we went to bed. Ds was an incredibly happy baby, he hardly ever cried so that helped. We did lots of things, we went out to a new years eve party when he was 2 weeks old, I just cuddled and fed him all evening. We went to a wedding when he was 3 months old he charmed the guests. We did a road trip across Europe when he was 7 months old.

I don't see any reason why your life need to change dramatically when you have a small baby.

I wouldn't have taken ds into a hospital unnecessarily, but I would have lest him with dp whilst I went in, the childfree wedding is unfortunate, I'm lucky that I don't know anyone who would not welcome children at their wedding.

Babies are just so lovely, I could have spent all day kissing ds's little soft head and cuddling him.