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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about mil using dd's photo on fb

19 replies

m0therofdragons · 03/06/2014 12:11

I probably am being vu about this but I cannot figure out why it bugs me so much.
I am on FB so I can keep in touch with family abroad and friends and do share pictures of my dds with no issue - my security is tight and I am happy with that. However, mil has taken a picture from dh's page of dd1 - okay, it's a nice picture - but she's using it as her profile picture. Every time she comments on a feed dd's picture pops up. I don't like it being used that way but no idea what the issue is for me and if I'm just being unfair as dd is her grandchild.
Please talk some sense into me.

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 03/06/2014 12:14

I can't see any other intention other than her being affectionate and so proud of her gc. Why do people put up pictures of themselves as a couple? The same kind of reasons.
I think ywbu if you have to make an issue it bring it up with her.

Original poster

m0therofdragons · 03/06/2014 12:17

I'm sure it's meant because she adores dd but mil isn't in the picture. It's a bit disconcerting having dd's face pop up linked to someone else... I'm aware that might sound barmy.

OP posts:

isabellavine · 03/06/2014 12:18

I see people who are grandparents doing this - I think it's partly a generational thing, where they don't completely get social media, and don't realise that a profile picture is supposed to be of you, not other people, and that it is a kind of personal identifier.

I am sure it is intended to be an expression of her pride in your DD, and I don't really see a security issue as it's a nice picture and not, for example, one of her nekkid or something.

Just let it go!

grocklebox · 03/06/2014 12:18

You can email FB and tell them you own the image she is using and they can take it down. If you want to go that far.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 03/06/2014 12:57

Yes it sounds barmy. It's just a picture.

sonlypuppyfat · 03/06/2014 13:00

What do you think will happen.

fruitpastille · 03/06/2014 13:03

It's a bit barmy but I would feel the same!
I had to ask my dad to take off some of the new granchild pics from his page. I didn't want a load of people I didn't know seeing me in my hospital bed, just a bit weird.

whynowblowwind · 03/06/2014 13:06

Well, I see what you mean, but lots and lots of people have their babies as their profile pictures. I don't like pictures of me but DH set our Facebook page to one of us when we got married, I look okay on that though shame it was a decade ago Our 'cover' picture is baby DD :)

If you substitute MIL for 'DD's grandmother' it makes perfect sense.

Or, offer to take one of her and your DD to use, I think that's what I'd do.

RedToothBrush · 03/06/2014 13:14

If your DH hadn't got the picture on his profile, I would be more sympathetic. As he's done that its effectively now 'public' and you've given the message that you don't mind people seeing the picture. Otherwise, despite what other people say, I think that being uncomfortable with pictures on FB is fair enough (its not the fact that the image is public, but the fact that this image is public AND identifiable relating to a certain person).

If it upsets you, then talk to your MIL, but I suspect she will be upset and probably say something about it being already on facebook and you may have trouble conveying why it upsets you without sounding a bit bonkers.

I think if you have issues with your kids picture being on FB fair enough, but you have to make that clear from the word go, and don't go against that yourself.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 03/06/2014 13:21

What Red said. You already put the pic up so it's fair game.

I don't put any pics of the DCs on FB for this (and many other) reason.

Original poster

m0therofdragons · 03/06/2014 14:40

I put the picture up as I do lots of pictures of dc as my family are scattered round the world and we like to see each other's families growing up. I just don't get why you would put a picture of someone else as your profile picture... just seems odd to me. Your own child slightly more normal... when I was pg with dtds mil told people on 3 Occasions she was dd1's mummy (I over heard once and dh heard the other times). She had boys and was apparently jealous I have 3 girls. I do get on with her mostly but maybe that's made me more sensitive. I won't say anything and just hope she changes it soon. :)

OP posts:

CheeryName · 03/06/2014 14:46

Change your DH profile pic, to one of MIL.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 03/06/2014 14:47

Your latest post makes it all clearer, though I don't think it's for her to put up, use or copy a picture of your DD without your permission (but it is harder if your DH has given her access to them as a "friend"). Given the scenario you describe, I understand your feeling of oddness (and, tbh, though I know of lots of parents with their children as their picture, I can't think of a granparent having one, without them also in it).

RedToothBrush · 03/06/2014 14:59

There is more than one way to share family photos. FB is particularly open to abuse though, as you have less rights over copyright than other places.

Also, even if you do share photos, you can still make it very clear that this is purely for viewing and you do not wish for photographs to be shared in anyway. This way, if anyone does over step the mark you have made it clear from the word go what you consider acceptable and what isn't acceptable.

If you don't make this clear, then I don't think you can easily complain over someone taking the photograph.

BeatrixKidding · 03/06/2014 16:20

IMO YANBU.

Maybe by the time our bump becomes a teenager, it'll be quite normal to have a whole life history in photos on FB, including baby photos. If I'm honest, I don't think I'd like there being photos of myself as a baby online - but I've never had to even consider it as I'm old enough that it was never A Thing.

DP and I are seriously looking at ways to keep control of upcoming baby photos until such time as our offspring can make an informed choice about whether they want to put them on social media for themselves. Nothing draconian, maybe just a password-controlled gallery on my own domain and a link out to friends and family. But FB is insidious and although we both use it, we do so carefully.

lylasmam2012 · 03/06/2014 16:26

It's a bug bear of mine where people use pictures of their kids/grandkids as their profile picture. A profile picture should be a picture of you, not anybody else (unless you change it briefly as a joke to a simpsons character or something). So for me yanbu!

LarrytheCucumber · 03/06/2014 16:27

Oh dear.I don't use my gc as my profile picture but I have just posted pictures of my grandson so his Mummy can see what we have been doing together.DiL has never complained and I am sure if she didn't like it DS would say so. Why don't you or your DH just tell her you would prefer her not to use pictures of your child?

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 03/06/2014 16:30

I'm with you, Beatrix. I'm a private person and if I'd come of age to find out that my whole photographic history was online I would've freaked! I don't even put pictures of myself online, let alone the children.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 03/06/2014 16:30

I have a pic of niece and DD as my profile pic. No idea if her DMs bothered. I assume not as she would say something.

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