AIBU to not want to fork out potentially £30 for a baby shower?

[OldMisery]

A friend is moving abroad soon and is pregnant so we thought we could throw her a goodbye/baby shower before she goes. Its not her first but her 4th DC so its not a PFB case.

I don't mind baby showers so the thread isn't about that (I know many on here do hate them though). I am however miffed at the amount it is looking to cost. One person is getting all the bits together, as its at her house. Normally we all bring something each (which means I can keep my costs down as I don't go OTT with food like everyone else does and there is always far too much left) but this time the host is buying everything (or already has actually) and is asking that we all chip in. No budget has been mentioned. Everyone else seems happy but I am not thrilled. I don't like the food (its a certain theme that I am not keen on, therefore will not eat) and its a very expensive month for me, many birthdays, car needs fixing, holiday in 4 weeks etc. I am on a limited income.

She has spent £30 on the cake alone! Then got games stuff, other food and no doubt will pick up more (she doesn't keep track of her spending then moans she is skint). I have calculated that so far we are looking at over £80, if not more. There are not that many of us going so there are few of us to soak up the costs.

Then there is the presents we will need to get. I will need to spend a tenner on that which is why I have calculated it ending up being about £30 in total when you add the present on top of the food and other stuff. I really can't afford it at the moment, but they won't exactly understand (they know I have savings as I came into a bit of money recently but this is earmarked for something more important and I don't want to dip in and out of it for other things either).

AIBU? I suppose I have to suck it up but I actually don't think I will even have the money in time anyway. If I don't go I don't think I will get chance to see my friend before she goes so this is a last chance thing really. It often seems to be me that has an issue with 'chipping in' all the time. People go ahead and spend, then its a case of "oh look we should all chip in" and you can't exactly be the only one to turn around and say that you don't want to.

Sorry forgot about this thread.

So far only 6 of us are going and one is the person who its for so she won't be paying towards it.

I'm not sure why people keep comparing it to a meal out and the cost. This baby shower would have happened regardless of her moving so it doesn't matter. If it was a meal out and I couldn't afford it, its easier to say that I couldn't go (and I wouldn't have been able to, but maybe just met them after or something).

Mary I haven't messed up. I didn't agree beforehand to fund it. When we do these things, we usually all bring some food and get a present and I usually look for ways to keep the costs down. That's how our get togethers usually work. This time I found out after it was agreed between 3 others and already done that they had sorted out the theme, bought the stuff then been asked to chip in for what has been already spent. The fact of us bringing something (like we always do) had been previously discussed and I thought we would be doing that.

Chicken I do agree. I am often the organiser of things and it is a bloody pain. I wouldn't spend a load of money though before I had agreement from the others about a) if they wanted to contribute and b) how much I should spend then expect it back from them assuming they would all cover the costs.

Dragon I am not going to dip into savings unfortunately, if I did it for this, there are a million other things I could do it for. I already have dipped in a few times for various things but that was for the benefit of the family and the rest is going towards something big and we are going to need every penny we can get and more.

I think I may take up Mary suggestion and say "yes I can chip in, here's a tenner" or something. Like was said up thread, I don't feel I should contribute an equal amount when I won't be eating anyway.

Thanks for the advice and replies.

OK, so you've not agreed to chip in, just been asked to? Then definately proactively offer £10, not wait until they ask you for a set amount.