For not wanting to be Mary Sodding Poppins!

[Notsoyummymummy1]

I'm a SAHM so don't get much chance for a break from childcare but it's really starting to annoy me that every family do I end up looking after the children (three under three - one being mine). Everyone else just ignores the kids unless one of them hurts themselves and I don't mind doing my bit but sometimes I just wish somebody else would take over.

Today was a prime example -.familly BBQ and they all just sat around chatting while I monitored the little ones on their ride on toys. I didn't even get any bloody dessert til I growled at dh to take over!!! By then the ice cream had melted!!

When the inlaws come over they give a token acknowledgement to dd then go off for a cup of tea in the other room. DD gives up trying to get their attention so I end up playing with her again. Then they reappear just as they're about to leave, interrupt DD's game demanding that she comes and gives them a cuddle!! I know it sounds petty I just feel a bit taken for granted sometimes! Anyway else feel like the family childminder?!

Btw, no one has yet ended up in A&E at events without SIL hovering.

Just watch yours. If the other children hang around, well and good. If not, it might take a scare to wake the parents up. Do they take much care of their children during the week? Sounds like SiL isn't very aware of the potential trouble a 2 year can get themselves into, suggesting she hasn't had much hands-on experience.

Sorry cookie not sure what you're going on about - parent in charge??? We don't really have parents in charge at family events - it's not a nursery!!! What's the thing with cats bums?!!

Cats-bum mouth - A woman (usually) pursing their lips judgementally or jealously in such a way that it resembles the circular, wrinkly anus on a cats bottom. Never saw anyone who pulled such a face until last year and suddenly the expression was made clear to me...

There have been plenty times at family gatherings when I have preferred to hang out with the children- saves hearing all the boring chat about aunt Ethel's bunions and other snore some topics. But it's always when I choose to do this, and always with a reliable supply of wine and food brought to me.

Op, take charge. If you don't want to do it, then walk away. Rope some one else in "MIL could you take a turn looking out for these little guys, I just need to go catch up with cousin Bob" or whatever. And don't go back until you are ready to. And spilt looking after your own dc with your OH.

As long as you provide free babysitting people are going to use it. So if you don't want to, don't.

Helicopter parents = nightmare!

No the real "nightmare" is lazy parents who think it's everyone else's job to keep an eye on their kids. I think it's ludicrous to call minding toddlers "helicopter parenting!"

I'm always breaking up arguments, stopping impending accidents and getting them to share

what's the worst that can happen if you're not hovering? I mean obviously you need to ensure they don't run onto the road or grab sharp knives but surely they can amuse each other or they'll find you if something goes wrong.

As long as the gardens enclosed, let them get on with it. Your house will be child proofed, whats the issue with them running in between the conservatory and the living room? You constantly hovering will only result in a child that can't entertain themselves for 5 minutes.

Dn is a bit of a bully to dd, always pushing her and snatching toys off her and her parents and grandparents just think it's funny so I guess I feel I have to keep an eye out for her while they're so young. I just thought you had to be within sight of toddlers but perhaps I'm wrong. When dn fell off her trike and grazed her knee when I went to the loo her parents were huffing and saying "where was Notso?!" as if it was my job and I just felt annoyed that's all.

If it's niece falling over let her mother bloody well do her job.

'familly BBQ and they all just sat around chatting while I monitored the little ones on their ride on toys'

so could the others not see the children from where they were?

OP you are doing what any decent parent would do so don't feel bad about it. Your inlaws are the problem and it's something you may have to tackle directly with them but that might cause a rift.

If you want to you can do some play therapy with them, teach them how to take turns etc but you would have to sit with them for the duration and play with them rather than intervene when there's trouble.

Doing this would have a lasting effect all round so might be worthwhile, I would agree that leaving your child to be bullied is not a good idea.

The garden is on two levels, the grown-ups were at the top and the children were at the bottom going down the alley at the side of the house out of sight. They couldn't get out or anything but couldn't be seen either. No-one was really looking at them at all, they were all chatting.

Unles there was some hazard down the alley, then I don't think I would feel obliged to go and stand watch all the time.if one of them falls over, they will soon let you know about it.

I don't think it is because you are a stay at home mother; it is simply because you look after the children and others are more than happy to let you. I found the same thing because I was a teacher; 'oh you are so good at playing with our children' they would say as I stopped them running round the swimming pool in the back garden or emptying the kitchen cupboard; 'of course, we are with them all the time, it's so nice to get a break'. Growl, but I can't let unsupervised young children do things I know are dangerous, and neither can you.

I think it's a clash if parenting styles.

I remember looking after a friends horses once when she went into hospital, she told me the basics of what needed doing but I did extra. I made a point of telling her to reassure her they were well looked after as I thought she was minimising so as not to put me out. She showed no indication of being pleased they were getting extra attention. I could kick myself now as I realise she genuinely wasn't wanting extra and I wasn't being helpful, would even come across as critical by flouting the extras and seeing like I didn't think her routine was adequate. I could kick myself in hindsight!

As a parent, I'm more hands off too and wanted to promote independence. However when I did engage I'd end up with a flock of children round me! Parents would look up to make sure the kids were ok but just wanted to socialise whilst their kids did the same. I can understand that.

Ds was playing with his DFriend - they are 2 and 3. They were in Ds's room and running around downstairs well within earshot and in a fairly child-friendly house. Being toddlers they came into the living room where we were sitting about every two minutes anyway. Dfriend's mum had to make a huge bloody show of "when I've finished feeding the baby I will come and play with you, boys!". They did not need playing with. No doubt she thought us terribly slack but they were fine!

Some toddlers CAN entertain themselves together without a parent hovering - some may not be able to, but assuming everyone knows their child best, surely you have to take their word for it if their kids are used to playing without adult intervention.

Personally, I have found that my son and his friends play a lot better without a parent to arbitrate. If they have a tussle over a toy, they will sort it out between them when there isn't someone to tell them what to do, but a parent's presence escalates it and often ends in tears.

I do agree though that if you feel your child needs supervision then you should at least ensure that your husband does his fair share. Instead of growling at him after the desert is already ruined, why not pick your daughter up, plonk her on his lap and tell him you are going to get something to eat before it's too late. If he doesn't do his share, then he is the one to get arsey with, not other parents who have made the decision that their kids can play unsupervised.

Thank you for all your comments. I think I'm just a first time parent who is still learning and I genuinely thought toddlers needed supervising but now I realise I was wrong. I will leave them alone in future as I would hate the other parents to feel their parenting style is being undermined. Thank you all for the wake up call.