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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to talk to DP until I get my biopsy results back?

23 replies

ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 19:55

I'm allowed to be worried ffs.

I thought my colposcopy went fine until I got a letter 2 weeks later saying I had CIN3. So I don't want to go ahead and be as optimistic twice only to be floored twice. Once bitten twice shy and all that Hmm

But I need to 'stop doing this to myself' etc. You know, because I wouldn't stop worrying if I could Hmm

Oh I'm sorry I'm worried I about a test for cancer...I'll go ahead and tell my mind it can stop now

Slight OTT there but I'm holding it in in rl and biting my tongue.

I've actually been trying really hard not to freak about it and been keeping very busy but I'm only human and it has seeped in at least once a day. I'll be fine once I get my (hopefully clear) results back. If this was him he'd be preparing his funeral already (not being bitchy, he seriously would which makes this ten times more annoying).

He's making me feel ten times worse though. WIBU to just not talk to him until I know? We don't live together yet so it's doable Grin Hmm

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Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 19:55

(Had an LLETZ and awaiting resulsts. Only been 3 days but I'll relax loads after the 2 week mark and probably presume no news is good news)!

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Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 19:59

Oh and I know the chances are slim, but try telling my 'primal' mind (or whatever it's called) that Grin Wine

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wheresthelight · 01/06/2014 20:01

Is he just trying to be helpful but massively missing the mark?

Just tell him straight that you are aware of the rational but this is not helping and could he either be supportive or piss off

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:05

I can't tell anymore.

He seems genuinely annoyed that it's still bothering me 'days later' etc.

We just had heated words on the phone. He said I need to stop it and I said I'd jolly well like to but after last time I feel much more cautious about thinking it's all fine and the treatment I've already had wasn't very pleasant so I'm not feeling great all round but it's not like I'm not trying. I explained I've been out almost all weekend with DS to keep my mind busy.

We just left it at that as I said I had to go I was ready to tell him to do one Blush

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plecofjustice · 01/06/2014 20:05

Yes, sorry, YABU. He desperately wants you to tell him it's all going to be OK. Obviously you can't do that, because right now you don't know. He's male, and therefore instinctively wants to fix things. He can't fix you, and he can't make it all OK, and he's hurting because of that. Pushing him away will only make it worse.

Talk to him, tell him that you are scared, tell him that you need him. Show him how he can help you and any man who's worth your love will respond to that.

Good luck with all things - sending positive thoughts your way :)

BarbarianMum · 01/06/2014 20:05

Yes I think YABU, or, if not unreasonable then unwise, but these kind of situations don't come with a handbook so I don't blame you for trying to get through it any way you can.

But if you want your DP with you through thick and thin, then you have to give him a chance to face the "thin" with you.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 20:06

I had to get tested for cancer on my birthday one year. The doctors were really sweet, rushed it through the lab and let me know the good results before I got out of work so I could have a fun evening. :)

Think of it this way. If you have it, you have it. Worrying will do no good.

If you do have it, cancer is very treatable. Try and take a few deep breaths.

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:07

Thanks.

I'm more pissed off that he's annoyed at me and I got a telling off when I just needed a few kind bloody words. He's been away all weekend and has loads of sport on this week so I've barely seen him since the LLETZ anyway. Just feel extra alone I guess.

And I just want these crappy results.

I hung up because I don't want to say anything I'll regret when I'm not in a good place which I think was wise...

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BarbarianMum · 01/06/2014 20:09

Just seen your last post. He needs to work on his empathy then Hmm. My dh is also a 'don't worry til it happens' type guy but he gets that I am a worrier and acts appropriately (I got my biopsy results 2 weeks ago - Crohns in my case - bizarre to be relieved by Crohns but I was).

Will keep my fingers crossed.

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:12

Everyone told me to stop being an idiot/worrying about the colposcopy as I'm only 23 and had no symptoms etc. I had an erosion which was treated and biopsies to be safe but even then the professionals said it was very likely nothing.

Hence the shock of the letter a few weeks later (though I know CIN3 isn't as bad as it could be by far).

So I've now had 2 treatments in the space of 2 months and just feel shaken up and obviously worried. This isn't the way I pictured my early 20s cervix-wise Grin Hmm

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Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:13

(Excuse my bad spelling. It's angry typing...)

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BarbarianMum · 01/06/2014 20:14

Blush sorry I read colonoscopy for colposcopy. Sorry.

diddl · 01/06/2014 20:17

I'm a worrier.

My husband tends to let me get on with it whilst making the appropriate noisesGrin

I can't stand the "don't worry it'll be OK" or "worry when/if you have to".

I'm sure he's worried as well.

Perhaps tell him that you just need to vent & aren't actually wanting him to say/do anything.

Blaming you for worrying about it is a bit shit though.

I agree with the be supportive or piss off tbh.

plecofjustice · 01/06/2014 20:18

He's not annoyed at you, he's annoyed at life, he's annoyed at the situation, he's scared and he feels powerless. And (this isn't man-hating) men can't generally express those feelings of powerlessness in a coherent way.

If you love him and, in the worst case, want him by your side, call him back, talk to him honestly, give him back some power.

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:25

He's done it before (get occasional severe pains in my pelvis for no obvious reasons, had every test under the sun besides a colonoscopy and am finally seing a lovely consultant about getting one). He suggested me worrying about it was making it hurt more when actually, the stress of trying to get him to believe how painful it was, was more likely the blooming cause...

But that was ages ago and he's usually quite supportive. It's just not been a good month Wine

I'll chalk it up to too me being super sensitive atm and him being worried himself.

He has sent a text to ask if I'm ok and should he try and come over tomorrow...So now I feel bad Blush Grin

I'll just talk to him a bit more tomorrow if I see him and try and have a calm chat about it.

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wheresthelight · 01/06/2014 20:26

It is probably his way of dealing with his own fears for you in that case. Dp and my dad do it too!

Putting the phone down was probably a good idea under the circumstances though!!

Have a bottle of wine, a hot bath and stick a chick flick on to take your mind off it!!

Hope the results hurry up and that all isn't for you (hugs)

wheresthelight · 01/06/2014 20:27

All is ok even bloody phone!!

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:27

I will explain that the most helpful thing for me at the moment is just a shoulder to lean/cry on and that I don't mind him telling me he's scared etc either (he's pretty 'emotionally intelligent' usually and we can usually do that sort of thing about less scary stuff so hopefully that does the trick).

I can't wait for this wait to be over Wine
For both of us!

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Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 01/06/2014 20:40

I'm not a worry guts at all either.

Had bleeding inbetween periods for a year before I went to the doctor (and only because it just got worse and worse) which turned out to be an erosion, which led to the biopsy etc.

I buried my head in the sand for ageeeeees which was stupid but nevermind

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WheresMrMonkey · 02/06/2014 10:18

Wishing away the days for you!

WheresMrMonkey · 02/06/2014 10:19

The wait is always horrible, hope it goes really quick

wobblyweebles · 02/06/2014 11:37

If it helps I had the same thing (CIN3) when I was 24 and I'm now 44, with three children and 20 years of clear tests behind me.

Original poster
ClassyAsALannister · 02/06/2014 11:40

That does really help. Thank you Smile

Feeling much better today about last night (but still pretty scared about the results). Spent most of this morning bussing to the hospital and back for DS which was very distracting (just a routine check up for a condition, nothing serious). I got a cold call from the same area code as the hospital on the way home though and nearly had a heart attack when I saw the number Grin Hmm

Nevermind. Not long soon.

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