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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this unnecessary before an abortion?

42 replies

JumpRope · 31/05/2014 19:35

I had an abortion aged 16. I had to travel around 50 miles from the complete sticks to Birmingham for for the procedure and before going to the clinic, I had to go and see a consultant in another part of town. My mum came with me.

Well, the consultant was quite an old chap, rather condescending and anyway, he ended the consultation up by putting basically his whole fist inside my vagina and feeling the wombs around. I was 12 weeks pregnant.

Now I'm wondering, was this normal? Sometimes it comes back in flashbacks, but that's the whole thing around the procedure, it wasn't especially nice all round. Aibu to think it might not have been a necessary part of the process?

OP posts:

Whyowhya · 31/05/2014 21:12

Is this an AIBU?

MrsLiamNeeson · 31/05/2014 21:23

I had internals when pregnant and in labour - DCs are 2 and 6. I cried each and every time, they were awful. One of the worst memories of my labour with DD (2) was the internal that confirmed I was 4cm. The midwife was lovely, and she did her best to be gentle, but I hated every second.

It's not just you that felt that way.

PrincessBabyCat · 31/05/2014 21:25

When I was pregnant they did an internal around 7 weeks to see how far I was along. It was just last year.

The external ultrasound scan can't pick up a fetus under 12 weeks I think. My next one was 20 weeks and it was external.

PrincessBabyCat · 31/05/2014 21:27

Oh, I should mention, the internal was an ultra sound rod. Not her hand.

I did have a hand internal in labor to check the dilation. That hurt.

ILikeWarmHugs · 31/05/2014 21:34

'Do all women hate it and feel ashamed'.

I haven't been through what you have, but I did have to have an internal (whole fist) exam after the birth of my baby, due to complications, it wasn't pleasant but I didn't feel in any way ashamed. I have had lots of more straight forward exams and not felt ashamed.

Did the doctor say or imply anything that may have made you attach shame to the experience?

I agree that it would help to talk through this experience with someone you trust or a professional.

I'm sorry you are still being reminded of your experience x x

bauhausfan · 31/05/2014 21:39

I also had an internal (and no scan) at a private clinic about 20 years ago when I had a termination. I felt shame too - that a strange man had his fingers up my vagina and that I was in a different country getting an abortion. Basically the whole thing was terrible. I'm still glad that I had the termination but regret that I had to (if you can understand what I mean!)

wheresthelight · 31/05/2014 21:39

I had an internal as part of a procedure (although not a termination) about 15 years ago and it was awful. My male consultant was by no means gentle and had large hand so I understand why you felt like his first may have been inserted but I suspect that it was unlikely tbh and it just felt like it as you were young scared and a first timer for this sort of thing. I was older than you when I had mine done but I remember how tense I felt and how much it hurt. I was surprised when I had to have several during my induction with dd that it didn't hurt or feel the same but then the epidural meant I couldn't feel much!

alexwol · 31/05/2014 21:45

Similar happened to my friend, also around 20 years ago, similar age. She began to cry during this and somebody more senior reprimanded the person reminding them that she was a young girl. It really quite affected her as she confided in me at the time.

Writerwannabe83 · 31/05/2014 21:46

I had a termination when I was 16 and prior to going to theatre I was examined by a doctor. It was a two finger job, a quick feel of my cervix and then examination was complete.

This was 14 years ago.

Only1scoop · 31/05/2014 21:50

I had a termination 22 years ago and I think dr inserted a couple of fingers whilst examining cervix.

sezamcgregor · 31/05/2014 22:16

Hi Jumprope

I went for a termination and also had a very unexpected internal examination.

I had forgotten about it until just now (try to forget!) I also saw a male doctor who was much older and he seemed to have a total disregard for me being a person and just yet another in a long time of girls having a termination.

Wearing my red sexy (feel good about myself) knickers may not have been the best idea though (I burned them afterwards).

Although it was definitely not a fist, I've never felt so violated and totally understand your feelings about it. I wondered afterwards whether I should have complained, but it's years ago now.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/05/2014 23:24

This is awful.

I had a termination ten years ago, and there was no internal or scan I can remember (and I'm sure I'd remember) - I simply had a positive pregnancy test.

Elsiequadrille · 31/05/2014 23:28

" seemed to have a total disregard for me being a person and just yet another in a long time of girls having a termination."

I think this was the general feeling amongst my friends who had terminations back then. I hope it's much improved nowadays

Silvercatowner · 31/05/2014 23:29

It's partly about power - the male dominated medical profession asserting their power over the patient.

sezamcgregor · 31/05/2014 23:44

Elsie I went 7 years ago.

Elsiequadrille · 01/06/2014 00:49

Oh dear! That's not good at all, Seza.

PhaedraIsMyName · 01/06/2014 00:59

I have not had a termination. I was pregnant in 1989/90 and had scans but no internal exam.

Scans were routine in Edinburgh by then.

The only gynaecological procedure I've had was endometrial ablation(privately). There was no internal exam other than he did a smear test as I hadn't had one in years.

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