To think that a lot of the time having someone in the family with a disability does mean being long term poor?

[extremepie]

Obviously this is not the case for everyone but it certainly is for me!

I know that families with a disabled member do get extra help in the form of extra tax credits, DLA, carer's allowance ha! etc but aibu to think that due to the often extra expenses that are incurred by having someone with a disability in the family all this doesn't go as far as you might think?

Due to my current circumstances, I am not able to work and I can't see this changing in the near to moderate future unless something drastically changes. This is not unusual, as a lot of us just can't work around all the medical appointments, time off required to look after them etc so working is just not feasible but I hate the idea that this current situation is all I have to look forward to in the future and that my financial situation will not really improve :(

Aibu to think I'm not alone in this and that for a lot of people having to manage the needs to someone with a disability means they are struggle in the long term? In most circumstances if your money situation is tight you can either try and earn more money or cut your expenses but often people with a disabled family member can't do either!

Very true Grendel, I live in an area with fairly high unemployment but the vast majority of the available jobs are minimum wage and/or manual jobs, huge majority also required you to have your own transport - they can't expect every disabled person to up and move away from their whole support network, which may have taken years to build, so they can get a job!

I dont think she means dla darkest, i think she means US social security disablity. (I dont have half a clue how that works btw!)

linkery - actually I do know a woman who sounds very similar to that women who works in a specialist job. But the more disabled you are, the more you need specialist skills for anyone to employ you.

I do actually think there is a difference between people with unchanging physical disabilities or learning disabilities, and those disabled through chronic disease or with progressive disabilities.

In fact while we're at it...

The ONLY OUT OF WORK BENEFIT IS JSA, CB and CTC, and two of those you need kids for!

Everything else can be claimed if you are working at a low enough rate. The clue is usually in the name.

Income SUPPORT
EMPLOYMENT and support ALLOWANCE
Disability LIVING ALLOWANCE
WORKING tax credit
etc

and there's no such thing as a FREE CAR!

Sorry, I realised after posting that I had leapt into a thread without reading it all, and probably should have kept well out of this one as there was a lot of potential to cause offence on a very sensitive issue as some posters have already done. ahem.

I interpreted the documentary as saying that low levels of education, taining and skills in certain oarts of the US meant that people's health was being severely damaged, with the result that they were physically unable to do the work that was available, and so doctors in the community were making the judging call that they were not unemployed, but disabled. Hope that explains my post a little more clearly.

And yes,I did mean 'going onto disability' US style, but posted DLA as I don't know what it's really called and 'going on disability' sounds really
Daily Mail like!

calmet - there is no way that we are talking about the same woman. Lets just say that the woman I am talking about, parts of her were not the right proportion, and leave it at that.

I think that people are unlikely to understand disability until they have the same as you.

I started a thread a while ago over comments that people made, assuming that the reason I am in a wheelchair and need help getting in and out of the car was because of my weight. What I didn't say on that thread was that they also said that they felt sorry for my DP having to 'put up with it'.

They have absolutely no idea about my crippling disability.

In future if it happened I would say something back, however it had taken me over a week to pluck up the courage to go out again.

People may not understand but a bit of empathy goes a long way.

Darkesteyes, i'm sorry to read about your DH and i know what you mean about the grieving process. I've already had the old story of how "such and such didnt remarry after their wife died and it was such a shame because they were still young. There was ladies interested but he didn't want to marry and now he's left it too late. Such a shame, bla, bla." With the obligatory meaningful look. For fuck sake, my husband is my soul mate AND he's still ALIVE! Sometimes i wish i had the courage to tel people just to fuck away off!

Mustn't grieve for too long after i lose my darling husband as the longer i'm out of work the more of a drain i'll be on society. And woe betide me if my mental illness flairs up because that would be just taking the piss.

*In fact while we're at it...

The ONLY OUT OF WORK BENEFIT IS JSA, CB and CTC, and two of those you need kids for!

Everything else can be claimed if you are working at a low enough rate. The clue is usually in the name.

Income SUPPORT
EMPLOYMENT and support ALLOWANCE
Disability LIVING ALLOWANCE
WORKING tax credit
etc

and there's no such thing as a FREE CAR!*

DLA is awarded no matter what the person earns, whether they be a low or high earner. It is awarded on the individual's disability not their income.

The free car myth annoys me. People don't realise that you forgo what was the mobility allowance (not sure which part it is called under PIP) to go towards the car.

Sorry, bold bit didn't work, but you get what I mean

Feellike
I've been ridiculously paranoid about my ballooning weight as i've gotten less mobile because of idiots like that. And comments like "if she could be bothered to walk, she wouldnt need that chair" (not aimed at me, but heard about someone else before i got this bad)

I've been a carer for my parents for as long as I can remember. I went to school, came home and changed my Dad's dressings, bathed him etc. He used to get a carer for two hours a week. He was a diabetic double-amputee with congestive heart failure and was on permanent oxygen. He got DLA which all went on an electric wheelchair as he couldn't self-propel due to his heart. He had to sleep in the dining room and use a commode because the wheelchair wouldn't fit through the toilet door. After 5 years waiting adaptations got made to the house and life got a bit easier.

He died (thankfully before this shower of shite government got elected). He had served his country for 26 years in the army but obviously to many was just a scrounger. Can you imagine how degrading it was for him to have had his daughter have to do his personal care?

My mum is also disabled and I am still her carer. I do work full-time but I am still worse off than if she wasn't disabled. I have had to make changes to my house, I have to employ carers to come and check on her in the day. She's my world - I do not get to do anything but work or care. She only goes out if I take her, so I have to have a bigger car to accommodate her and the equipment she needs. I have it easy - I do get to work and have a break from caring, it's my mother not my child I care for.

Society should be judged on how well it treats its most vulnerable. At the moment British society isn't coming out very well.

that's what I said..

oh, are you just reinforcing what I've said? If so, then sorry. I thought you were correcting me.

I took the piss with a (sarcastic) post about a free car on here the other day and got rounded on. So people are getting that one. Here, anyway.

Rounded on?

Noo, i dont mean like that! Sorry, that did sound wrong!

I sarcastically posted that oaps get free cars, and got corrected. It wasnt clear enough that i was joking, but people kindly explained to me how motability works!! So i mean that when people post about free cars, they are picked up on it

(I'll shut up now)

FeelLikeCrying.

My husband would totally understand how you feel, although he is still able to walk short distances with a stick. The number of his friends that think it's ok to take the piss out of him because of his weight is unbelievable, including telling him that he's sitting around too much since 'giving up work' and he has even been 'congratulated' on retiring early.

Hellooo! He's got terminal cancer! There has been days when he can hardly walk to the toilet. He's just finished chemo to help give him a little longer followed three weeks later by radiotherapy to help with the excruciating pain in his back and hip. Not to mention the 13 painkillers he needs, the hormone tablets and injections, the steroids, etc.

No it's the sitting around on his arse all day, between whopping it up on his massive benefits, that's making him fat. All he needs is a good run and a bit of weightlifting. Tell you what, he can do a fun run for cancer research, oh that's right.

Ignore them iFeelLikeCrying, they are less than the shite on a shoe. They don't know you and have no say on your life. They're not the ones who love you, give you a hug when you're down and love that you're part of their life. They are as insignificant as a speck of dust. You, your husband and your family are all that's important. xx

Don't shut up. I just wasn't sure what you ment and you explained it. Nothing to shut up about or apologise for.

My husband would totally understand how you feel, although he is still able to walk short distances with a stick. The number of his friends that think it's ok to take the piss out of him because of his weight is unbelievable, including telling him that he's sitting around too much since 'giving up work' and he has even been 'congratulated' on retiring early

Disabilism is alive and well isn't it.

My h and I have had our problems which I post about on the Relationships board occasionally. We are more like friends than a couple but I would still miss him.

What I meant by time limit on grief was that things like CA are payable for 8 weeks only after a bereavement and I have seen certain changes to widows benefits which mean that you only get it if you are under 45 with kids or over 45 without kids.

Now I know what this sounds like but its something I/we HAVE to think about because COPD puts a strain on the heart and DH has ischemic heart disease too. He has already been told that if he has another heart attack he is unlikely to survive it.

:) okay. Felt like my post looked like i was just keeping digging!

Fwiw, i do know how it works, am currently waiting for my shiny new car myself

GrendelsMinim, yes, earning a living is also about opportunities available, not just people with the same condition - even people with the same condition and same level of severity (a sophistication which eludes the "But my mate has..." numpties).

It's the usual matching jobs to people - but with very much stricter lists of requirements than if you're not disabled.

I mean, I could "have a job". But my requirements would be that I can do it from the sofa, not more than 1 hour a day including associated admin, no more than 1 phone call a day, no need to take things to the post, and it must be OK if I'm unreliable and make mistakes when tired and don't work at all on bad days - but I'd still need paying for bad periods. Oh, and I'd need an hourly rate of at least £25, not least to pay other people to do my housework so I've enough energy to do the job.

It's not the sort of deal employers or clients really go for...

Mind you, for the last few years I haven't even been well enough to do that. I've basically just been a large paperweight.

Dd's disability is unchanging (ignoring her brittle asthma). However, if she is required to do more one day than another, that can knock her out for three days.
Same goes for those with learning disabilities, so in effect, it can be just as exhausting for those with chronic illness as it can be for those with an 'unchanging' disability.
The other problem is we don't always know if something will remain unchanging. We thought that after the war with Polio, we are now dealing with many, many sixty-seventy year olds with Post Polio Syndrome, which is what Ian Dury died from.

Mm, actually I'm not sure I have understood you aright, GrendelsMum.

Are you saying that low levels of education makes people unable to do physical work? I don't get it.

Mustn't grieve for too long after i lose my darling husband as the longer i'm out of work the more of a drain i'll be on society. And woe betide me if my mental illness flairs up because that would be just taking the piss.

EXACTLY Staywithme. x