To be panicking about social services? *possible triggers?

[extremepie]

I reported a rape to the police recently and have been getting a few calls lately from people to set up a video interview, ask questions etc.

The latest phone call I had the woman on the phone asked some questions including were the kids in the house at the time, I said yes they were but they were upstairs asleep as it was quite late at night and there is virtually no chance they saw or heard anything.

Carried on with the questions then at the end she said she would have to tell social services about it as it was a 'safeguarding incident'. What does this mean?! I actually do already have a social worker involved and have told her about the incident but I'm really worried now that they will use this negatively against me?

I know it sounds paranoid but I'm just panicking that they will say something like 'because you allowed a virtual stranger in your house and then this happens it shows that you don't have your children's best interest at heart' or 'you may put them in danger in the future by allowing something like this to happen again' or something like that :/ Or even 'because the offender knows where you live and lives close to you, now you have reported this to the police your children could be in danger if they stay with you'?

Aibu? Am I just being overly worried for nothing or do you think I actually have reason to worry?

Would they use this to take the kids away from me?

I know SS aren't monsters but still....

Hello, love. I am sorry for your experiences.

Please do not panic. SS have to be informed but that is all. They will not take your children away, because that would be saying you were at fault for the rape and you willingly exposed them to it. And that is ridiculous, right ? SS are not ridiculous.

Well I was thinking how can they 'punish' me like that for something I couldn't possibly foresee?

Ok, I made a stupid, bad decision to let him in but I didn't know what was going to happen or I wouldn't have done it!

It's just that I can almost hear them saying all the stuff I posted in my OP, sometimes I feel like they are looking for an excuse I know I'm being irrational but I'm very stressed right now!

Police did send me a panic alarm today though, so I'll have that if he does try and approach me :)

Sorry you feel upset OP. I'm not surprised x

Are you in touch with Victim Support? I think they should be able to reassure you. Hope so anyway as I have to assume that's what they are for

Yes I have received their contact details but haven't been able to phone them yet as my stupid phone has been cut off AGAIN but that's a whole other thread! but I will contact them as soon as I can :)

They are at [www.victimsupport.org.uk] too.

I have in my hand a 'Sorry you were burgled' letter from the Met

www.victimsupport.org.uk

Op you didn't make a stupid decision in letting him in NO part of what happened has anything to do with you. Please don't worry about SS it is just procedure.

SS want to protect your children, yes, but they also want to keep them with you if at all possible.

There is no way you could have known, rapists build up a level of trust before they attack :( If security is a problem then they will just want to see that you're taking steps to improve security like you have done with the police.

You've done everything right so please don't worry. It was really brave of you to report the rape and SS will see that as a positive sign.

I am so sorry for what has happened to you.

If it makes you feel any better, a while ago, DH lost it and kicked in our french windows and I had to call the police as I was terrified.

SS were notified as it was a safeguarding incident as DS was in the house at the time.

What happened was the HV came round and was very kind and supportive. She gave DH information about courses on anger management etc and was very kind to me. There was no suggestion of taking DS away. There was no follow up either - it was all very supportive.

I am sure they will be even more so than you.

You are not to blame for anything that happened. Please try not to worry.

*more so to you

What do you mean, "if security is a problem they will want to see you taking steps". Is it a safeguarding issue that my back door is wide open right now? Should ss be phoned? Of course not.
I bloody hope the op does not have to deal with this ridiculousness.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

I think if you already have a social worker and have spoken to her about it, then this is who the police will be telling. It won't go elsewhere if you see what I mean. If there were any concerns from her end then she would have to be discussing it with you. Can you tell her about your worries?

i don't think they will want to do anything like take your children from you, you were the victim of a crime. they may want to know how you came to know this person and how well you knew him before he came to your home with your children present.

Very sorry to hear this has happened, just wanted to say please try not to panick. I know that is easy for me to say but I just wanted to reassure you that the test for removing children is set very high and it's never a social worker who makes that decision, it can only ever be a court after hearing evidence from everyone involved.

If there were worries that you often chose men as boyfriends who were violent then that would trigger a serious investigation, but wouldn't necessarily end up with you facing care proceedings.

You might find this post useful

www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/category/the-law/key-legal-principles/significant-harm-key-legal-principles/

Which sets out what is meant by significant harm - if that isn't proved, courts can't make care orders. As long as you can show you are able to protect your children, then hopefully the investigation won't go any further than making sure you and the children are safe.

What? No, I didn't mean that at all! OP said she thought they might be concerned that her attacker knows where she lives. I was intending to be reassuring saying this isn't an issue as the police are aware etc.

If you have a social worker already involved who is aware of the incident and then I can't see much changing. It is a routine safeguarding incident in so far that they could have been at danger, however I can't imagine it is enough to spark any changes regarding the nature of social services involvement currently.

It is more about sharing information OP.

I remember your thread from before. Well done for reporting it. The last thing SS ever want to do is to take your children away. They are there to support you as a family. Talk to them and ask their advice. You are very vulnerable right now and I can see why you would think like this. It was not your fault.

Hello Op

I'm sorry this happened to you too and also think you should feel proud of yourself for making sure you reported it, that takes strength.

I think the concerns you express in your original post is more to do with how you feel about what happened. You are in no way at all to blame for what happened. You also reported it which shows that you DO protect yourself and your children.

The SS do have to be informed, standard procedure but that doesn't mean they will do anything more than call in and make sure the children are okay, which they are

This is just a formality, say a couple who have never had anything to do with the police or SS have a shouty argument and a well-meaning neighbour calls the police. They visit, find everything is ok but there are children in the house, they are duty-bound to inform SS simply e cause they were called to an incident and there was children present. The couple would probably get a 'no further action letter' from SS.

Your situation is slightly different in that you already have a Social Worker, however the process at the start is still the same. After that your Social Worker will be informed and s/he will have a chat with you about the incident and hopefully support you through dealing with it.

Unless this affects any points on your plan, whether it be Child Protection or Child in Need it's unlikely your children old be removed.

Hope this helps.

Bertie, it was clear what you meant. Not sure why that person has picked up on your post as anything negative at all

Oh and you are an absolutely amazing woman for having the strength to report this.

perhaps they inform social services so that the children can get help for any trauma they suffered...not as a judgment on you.

This is just a formality- a precaution- to ensure your DC are safe and not traumatised- even if you KNOW that they didn't hear or see anything, SS will want to make sure. In the main, SS are quite sensible and won't want to take your DC away at all, they will be on your DCs' sides and if (as it sounds like) there is no case whatsoever then you and they will be fine

I'm so terribly sorry you have gone through this. Ss will not take a punitive view but a supportive one. Well done for having the courage to report it and to go through the process. Speaking from experience, I was unable to. [Flowers]

xtremepie Well done for getting this far.

I have just one question though. Don't answer if you don't want to. I'm always suspicious of people on the telephone who want 'details' from me so they get nothing. How did you manage to keep cool and give out details about your experience on the 'phone without wondering who the caller was? In my eyes, it could have been anyone even of they'd sounded 'official' and given 'official identification'.