To think an absent parent shouldn't be able to swan back in

[fifi669]

Inspiration from a couple of other MN threads....

Although the absent parent may not have been around at all, they still could hold PR for the child. If say me and DS were in an accident, ex (who has zero contact), could be the person who decides to pull the plug rather than my family who know and love DS.

Or if I popped my clogs with no will, life insurance payable to DS would be under the control of ex due to PR.

Even just a normal, I've brought him up all this time why should you be allowed to reappear x amount of years later and challenge for contact?

So, AIBU to think (with a few rare and extreme exceptions), absent parents should lose the right to contact/PR etc after a sustained period of lack of interest?

I agree with you OP. on a side note, make a will to make your intentions clear about what happens to DS. (I have to do this too)

This is why I'm glad I've remarried!

YANBU. I agree with you.
ExP swans back into DS's life as and when he please. I thought about banning him but decided to let him get on with it then DS can see what a complete shit he is. It worked. DS doesn't really like him and isn't bothered about seeing him anymore.

I have also made a will with a solicitor stating where i want DS to go if i pop off too early.
Ultimately ExP can go to court override my will as he has PR but at least the will makes my intentions clear.
I decided to state that i want DS to go to ExP's parents (they are loaded) as i feel there is less chance of ExP contesting this. If DS went to any of my family ExP would definitely contest just to be spiteful.

YANBU

My daughter's biological father has had no contact since she was 6 months old because of DV. We emigrated when she was 14 because of her stepdad's job (the man who'd loved and cared for her for 12 years). Yet because PR are not removed our family's future hung on getting permission off someone who had nothing to do with any us.

norma have you specifically applied for PR for your new husband? He won't have it if you haven't.... Also still won't stop ex asking for contact should they suddenly remember they're a parent!

I asked ex about DP formally adopting DS which he said he'd agree to (not imminent at the mo) which would be a way around it. Pretty sure if I did get hit by a bus before then, the 6 figure insurance pay out would make him realise how much he's been missing DS!

I'm in the same boat, I have actual nightmares about my Xp getting his hands on my beautiful DS.

Xp walked out when DS was 3 weeks old and very ill. He then reappeared when DS was 6 months old (in all honesty DS could have died, and nearly did, in that time and he wouldn't have had a clue).

I let him have as much contact as he wanted, which wasn't much, but 6 months later stopped turning up again, canceled child support payments and quit his job so I couldn't get anything off him but £5 a week!

DS is now nearly 3yrs old now and doesn't have a clue who this man is.

I think Xp has made it very clear how much he cares for our DS so I will be making a will stating everything and that I do not want DS going to him should something happen to me.

It's such a scary thought :-(

Even if you state ex can't have him won't the courts rule against?

Possibly, but I do think his complete lack of interest would go against him . Especially when I have other family members that have spent a lot of time with him.

Also from what I've been told (by a solicitor) the longer the lack of contact goes on for the better. It just looks really bad on Xp.

I think the courts would rule for a schedule of increasing contact that eventually leads to residence. I hope I'm wrong!

please my solicitor told me the same thing when i did my will. ExP can contest my will but courts will take into account lack of contact. Just because he has PR doesn't mean he can just come and take DS if i die.

Is there no way to remove parental responsibility due to lack of contact? A friend of mine in the US applied for PR to be removed due to abandonment. She had to wait until there was six months of no contact and then apply. Not sure how much or what type of information she had to prove to show no contact. Is there anything similar here?

Fifi I think that the law has change re the ability for PR to be granted to someone other than a DCs birth parents. It has a lot to do with evidenceable involvement of the partner in the child's life. Once the partner is cohabiting, that increases the PR possibility.

For example I have been actively in my DSSs life for several years now, and even though not married to his DF yet, the fact we live together as a family unit, has a lot of importance when a court considers rights and PR.

As regards wills, definitely worth defining your clear intentions, plus appointing a caretaker or trustee of any inheritance funds in case of death to ensure the funds are release solely for the care of your DCs, in other words, take away the ability for anyone to draw a lump sum. You could stipulate a monthly release of funds, just sufficient to meet your DCs needs. Then the remainder could be release on reaching the age of 18 or 21 yo. That way, no one rubbing hands in glee at what they think is a big fat insurance payout, IYSWIM

In the UK you can only remove PR if it was obtained by court order. Automatic PR for parents can oy be lost through adoption.

i gave my husband PR with my daughter it is possible for three people to have pr but they all have to agree to it luckily my ex never had pr because it was not automatic when she was born so i just signed some papers for my husband if i die before she turns 18 he gets to keep the family together

It works if you're married and can I assume if you have a long term partner.

What if you're single, does absent ex get control? I don't see why removing PR after a sustained absence isn't doable!