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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that "He's like it with everyone" is not a good excuse

26 replies

Kirk1 · 30/05/2014 18:16

for being shouty at staff members.

I started a new job 3 months ago. I have made mistakes, and had tellings off for said mistakes. Obviously, I need to know what mistakes I have made, and to be told the right way to do it instead. I understand that having made the same error again my boss will get exasperated.

Every time anybody makes a mistake he goes ballistic. I have been told not to worry "Because he's like this with everyone" and I was starting to wonder if I'm just being too sensitive. Or just am too useless at my job.

I was so excited to start this job, but every time something goes wrong, the boss shouts. He has reduced me to tears twice, and at least one other colleague has been on the verge of walking out. I feel like such a failure, but I can't hack it any more. DH thinks I'm in an abusive situation and I should get out ASAP (Get another job, or get fired - he has some ideas about how to achieve this. Not that I will follow any of them)

Sorry this is a bit incoherent. Today's rant was for "not telling him the whole story" about something I was told to do. I'm feeling angry, upset, confused, hopeless. It's time to cut my losses and bail, isn't it?

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 30/05/2014 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APlaceInTheWinter · 30/05/2014 18:23

It depends on whether there is a boss higher than the bullying one, and whether there is a supportive HR department. If the answer to both those questions is 'no' then hand in your notice. If you don't need a reference from them, then I'd be tempted to explain in your resignation letter that you're leaving because of the unchallenged culture of bullying.

Thanks it's not a nice place to be in but think how much better you will feel when you never have to see the bullying arse again!

TheUnburnt · 30/05/2014 18:28

If you can afford to leave without getting another job then I would. I would also tell him why you're leaving. It may make working your notice a bit uncomfortable, but then it's an uncomfortable situation to work in anyway. You have my sympathies I worked with a bullying boss years ago and it drove me to nearly have a nervous breakdown! After putting up with it for more than year I left with no other job to go to. Your mental health and well being is too important to put yourself through that type of situation for a long time.

hakunafrittata · 30/05/2014 18:31

I can relate to this, an old manager of mine was the rudest, snippiest, patronising and most uptight bastard I had ever met, yet when I told another member of staff what his latest comment to me was after she asked me what was wrong, she told me that I 'didn't get his sense of humour' and 'he was like that with everyone,' as if it was an excuse Hmm. This was a man who would blame everyone else under the sun for his mistakes without fail, and visibly roll his eyes if you asked a question. Just a petulant person, really- but of course it was MY sense of humour failure... it was so obvious that everyone wanted to suck up to him because he was in charge of promotions etc.

hakunafrittata · 30/05/2014 18:35

He was the kind of person that people bent over backwards to please because his approval must mean that they are 'one of the cool people.' A bit sad in a burger restaurant if you ask me.

Original poster
Kirk1 · 30/05/2014 18:42

APlaceInTheWinter, unfortunately, the answer to both is "no" Added complication, the company is within a building I will have cause to visit for a long time, meaning that it is unlikely that I'd never see them again. I can't afford to be unemployed for long. I'd rather not be unemployed at all, but the very thought of going back in on Monday is making me feel sick.

He's like it with suppliers too, one visited and said that he's upset their customer service person multiple times. He wasn't there at the time, so I wonder if she would have said anything to him.

I suspect I may be unemployed by the end of next week. I caused another blow up this afternoon, he can't still think I'm employable? If only I could find someone to work for who is reasonable!

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 18:48

Wow. Well, if you're on the way out, try shouting back? Or demanding he stop shouting at you?

Treat him like a toddler if he's going to act like one. Take it about as personally as when your toddler screams in the super market.

"We can talk about this later when you're calm and reasonable" and when he flies off again walk away and grab a coffee. Let him steam by himself.

immortalwife · 30/05/2014 18:52

Its not a family business in west Yorkshire is it??

I had a boss like that. I left with severe ptsd, anxiety and depression. One guy committed suicide. Several others left. They're advertising for staff at the moment too. Haha! Wish them luck

immortalwife · 30/05/2014 18:53

Its not a family business in west Yorkshire is it??

I had a boss like that. I left with severe ptsd, anxiety and depression. One guy committed suicide. Several others left. They're advertising for staff at the moment too. Haha! Wish them luck

Original poster
Kirk1 · 30/05/2014 18:55

I did try and give a reasonable response. I got "Don't ever answer me back"

OP posts:
Fathertedfan · 30/05/2014 18:58

I'd start looking for another job. I worked for one of these men for several years. He would throw chairs about and have massive tantrums. It's not worth sticking it out and he won't change.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 30/05/2014 19:17

I would not tolerate being shouted at in work by a colleague, even it was my boss. I don't even have to let customers do it as I can terminate a call if they are abusive. Report him for his behaviour.

Original poster
Kirk1 · 30/05/2014 19:18

Here's one thing that worries me. What do I say when I'm asked at interview why I left so quickly? I can't say "because my boss was a bullying toad" it doesn't reflect well on me. Even if it's the truth, it doesn't come across well. That's if I even get that far with that 3 month job on my cv...

OP posts:
Original poster
Kirk1 · 30/05/2014 19:19

Porquoi, who do I report him to? it's a small company, everyone knows what he's like, they just tolerate it because "he's the boss"

OP posts:
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 30/05/2014 19:21

Does he have a superior? Are you in a union?

If he is literally The Boss as in the owner of the company for example then you probably have no choice but to leave. But I'd try and make life difficult for him first by raising a grievance.

Chiggers · 30/05/2014 19:22

I once had a boos like that once. He bellowed at me once over a mistake HE made and tried to blame me for. I stood up slowly, stared him and bellowed back louder that he was going to make everyone leave etc. His reply was that he could get more people in to do our jobs (by this point all the factory was looking at me through the office window and I was talking normally), to which I replied "so what are you going to if all the factory walks out at the same time?" I had him stumped and the look of terror on his face at the possibility of that happening (the foreman told him that the factory floor lads were behind him and he was behind me) was priceless.

Don't get me wrong, I have bucket-loads of patience, but he was an inconsiderate, arrogant bloke and as small as I am (4'11"), I'm not about to let anyone treat me with as much disrespect as he did. I look back on that day and laugh about it now though.

Bogeyface · 30/05/2014 19:25

Dont put it on your CV, if anyone asks about the gap say that you had some time out to spend with your children before returning to work or something. Did you leave another job to start this one?

A 3 month job will cause more questions and potential issues than a 3 month gap, especially these days.

Bogeyface · 30/05/2014 19:27

The only thing that can be done is by employees who have worked there for over a year, they can take him to tribunal for constructive dismissal on the basis of his bullying. You cant as you havent been there long enough but you can I think make a statement to back up the person who is going to tribunal so might be worth mentioning to your colleague who is on the verge of leaving.

PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 19:28

Here's one thing that worries me. What do I say when I'm asked at interview why I left so quickly? I can't say "because my boss was a bullying toad" it doesn't reflect well on me. Even if it's the truth, it doesn't come across well. That's if I even get that far with that 3 month job on my cv...

Say it was just a temp position or that you didn't feel like the corporate environment was a good fit for you.

Bogeyface · 30/05/2014 19:29

I should add that personally I think 1 year is too long. Any instance of bullying, be it after 10 days or 10 years in a job is unacceptable and the victim should be able to bring the bully to account. Waiting a year would have you a gibbering wreck, it actually lays people open to more bullying rather than solving the problem.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/05/2014 19:37

When asked why you left, just say the job 'didn't challenge you enough' & you wanted a workplace where you 'could really use your talents'. Shows you as motivated, talented, & a hard worker. And the prospective workplace is viewed by you as a positive place to grow.

If you are let go, I wouldn't even list it on my cv. You can always find a reason for a break of 3-5 months in employment. Family illness, childcare issues (now resolved of course), etc.

Here (US) there is no way for a prospective employer to verify your employment history without your consent or knowledge. Hopefully it's the same in the UK.

Scousadelic · 30/05/2014 19:37

Next time he raises his voice to you ask him to stop, tell him you have documented his behaviour towards you and other staff and will take advice on constructive dismissal if it happens again

DocDaneeka · 30/05/2014 19:42

I have a couple of 3 months jobs. They were genuinely temporary roles. I put temporary position as reason for leaving.

No one has ever queried it.

I'd just put temporary role. Because it was. Even if that wasn't the intention when you took the job(!)

My mate had a boss like that. He is a big, no nonsense fellow.drove him to the edge of a breakdown.

GnomeDePlume · 30/05/2014 19:54

In my experience all that shouting is because they know that they dont want you to go/cant afford for you to go.

My boss was like that when I started in my current job. It was hell. After one particularly bad day I remember sitting in my car and crying before I could drive home. I'm in my 40s and professionally qualified but I was in despair.

The following day she called me into a meeting room for my customary morning bollocking.

Eventually I said to her that I couldnt work hard enough, start early enough or stay late enough to make her happy. This being the case I could hand my notice in and as I was still in probation and with accrued holidays I could be out of the door by the end of the week.

She was shocked and backtracked very fast. She wanted me to be the whipping post but by god she didnt want to have to do my job!

I stuck it out and a couple of months later she actually apologised to me. I havent forgiven, I havent forgotten and quite frankly I wouldnt spit on her if she was on fire but I need a job.

TheRainDrops · 30/05/2014 19:54

The way I see it there are three options:

  1. Put up with it and dread going to work every day
  2. Hand your notice in and leave - as others have suggested refer to it as a temporary position on your CV or omit it completely.
  3. File an official grievance complaint with him about bullying. Regardless of whether he's the boss, he has to deal with it. If he doesn't, or doesn't do it properly, then you have options to take it further. I probably wouldn't bother personally as the only upside to this is the potential for you to feel like you've hit back at him in a meaningful way and possibly make him rethink.

There is always option 4 too. Tell him to shove his f*ing job up his smelly, hairy arsehole as loudly as possible in front of as many colleagues as possible. I'd probably go for that one.

I hope you sort it out OP, don't settle for a work environment like this.

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