I seem to have a spate of AIBU issues right now, but here's something I really, really need help with.
I am 37, 35 wks pregnant and have one DD, who's just turned 5. Until last Friday I worked 5 days a week as a TA, am now on maternity leave until January.
My problem is my OH. He has never been the tidiest person on earth, but has always done the bare minimum with nagging, and I get around the rest.
But recently he's become less than useless. He works an odd shift pattern which is very tiring (14 days and nights on, then two off, then a week on and a week off) so I kind of make allowances, but he does nothing when he's been at work, nothing on his days off and nothing in his holidays.
And when I say nothing, I mean nothing. He watches TV. That's it.
I say nothing, he cooks dinner most nights, but never, ever tidies up, and the reason he does it is because he insists on interfering whenever I do it, telling me how I "should" do it, so I quite honestly gave up.
I will give you some examples. I probably just need to vent, tbh, but bear with!
*He never, ever uses the washing machine, or puts any washing out. If I put some out and am at work and it rains, it stays out till I get home and tumble dry it. But he would rather wear dirty work uniform than wash any.
*He never cleans, tidies or hoovers.
*Being pg, I am not supposed to empty the cat tray, but I have had to, as he just "forgets".
*We have had a leak in our kitchen roof for four years. And a different one in the lounge ceiling (it's an old house). My dad has offered to help several times. We got an insurance payout to get it fixed. I arranged for a builder to come round, he sent him away, saying he could do it himself cheaper. He didn't, and now the money has gone on other bills.
- He earns four times what I do, so he pays the mortgage (which is more than my salary anyway) from his account. But a few months ago, he "forgot". So the money went on other debts that he ran up years ago and isn't interested in consolidating.
The only way to pay it that month was by payday loan - we had no other choice. Now, seven months later, we are in the trap that the PL company take their money back on his payday, which doesn't leave enough for the mortgage, so some of his and literally all of mine pays the bills and we end up having to borrow more for food etc.
He goes off to work totally oblivious while I try to look after DD and myself surrounded by jobs to do that are just building up.
The baby is due in a month. EVERYTHING we need is in the loft, because the spare room is stuffed high with the junk he brought over from his mum's house three years ago when she decided on a lat minute loft clear-out.
I have been literally exhausted with this pregnancy, if I manage four hours sleep a night I feel I've achieved and it is only going to get worse soon. Plus, as I said, I've been working too - only started maternity leave this week.
I've tried nagging, persuading, arguing, even threatening to leave but nothing works, my mum and dad offer to help (always politely, never judgingly) and he tells them we don't need their help. But we do. Plus now his dad is very ill and his mum is constantly dreaming up reasons for him to drop everything and go and fix her tap or visit his gran, so the pressure is really on, but on the other hand I am at the end of my tether.
Any sensible suggestions, please?
I've asked if he's depressed, and can I help, he says no. We have had numerous discussions, he really can't see a problem. He promises to be more helpful, then just isn't.
I need some ideas and support, please.
And not just "put up with it or chuck him out" as that really, really doesn't help.