Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH being U about this?

45 replies

LayMeDown · 30/05/2014 10:51

Colleague of DH sent him an e mail before she left yesterday wishing him a Happy Birthday for this weekend (it is his BD). She mentioned te specific day.
He has no idea how she knows this. Not even his closest friend in work knew it was his birthday. He is very concious about mentioning it as he hates any type of fuss or public acknowledgement so he is sure (positive) he didn't. He doesn't socialise with her at all in or out of work so it wouldn't have come up in a pub conversation or over lunch or anything.
Anyway I'd just shrug and move on but he is really quite annoyed about it and ( I think ) a little freaked out. He feels its very inappropriate and unprofessional.
So what do you guys think. Would this bother you?

OP posts:
Coughle · 30/05/2014 11:40

It's an invasion of privacy in that she must have gone to some lengths to access the information.

If I told a colleague that I am half Greek and have shingles, and they mentioned it later, I wouldn't be bothered. However, if I had never mentioned either of those things and they brought them up in conversation, I'd be freaked out, as I'd wonder if they accessed personal information - and why!

(Random examples - I'm neither Greek nor shingly, by the by)

Do report back once she replies to the email... I'm curious now!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 11:47

I know what you mean Coughle but I expect it'll be some totally random way she's found out and remembered it because it's the same as hers or her DC or something.

PS I hope the shingles clear up Wink

Original poster
LayMeDown · 30/05/2014 11:58

No it was a specific mail. Yes Bit that's what I said. She probably came across it for some reason rather than searching it out. If she saw it in the last week would have just noted his birthday was close and sent an e mail because it was fresh her in mind.
He thinks its unlikely she could have just come across it without searching it out. And that other people would be bothered by this and its not just him being (as I contended) weirdly private. Seems from the posts on here he was right!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 12:05

No, he's not right OP, just because some other MNers are as private weird as him Wink

Honestly, these things that seem all intriguing or mysterious always end up being dull.

Original poster
LayMeDown · 30/05/2014 12:17

But he was right that other people would be bothered by it to and it not just him.

TBH I don't think he's arsed about the mystery. There's no question but she must have got the info from work. It's just the manner of getting it that bothers him. Was it accidental or deliberately sought out?

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 12:19

I did this to a coworker before because they off offhandedly mentioned the year before they were doing something for their birthday. Just idle chit chat. I just made a note and wished him happy birthday the next year on the date. He was confused and couldn't figure out how I knew. I couldn't remember either. But he, or someone, must have mentioned it somewhere for me to mark it because I didn't have access to his records or anything. He was cool with it, I'm not really a stalky person, I'm just good about marking birthdays on my calendar, I guess. I think it just threw him for a loop because I come off as a bit of a space case. I had almost everyone's birthday somehow in my paper one that was on my desk. Not sure how I acquired them all though. Hmm

Maybe it's the same with your husband? He could have just mentioned it in passing last year that he was going out.

Original poster
LayMeDown · 30/05/2014 12:22

She wasn't there last year.

He never mentions his birthday and he doesn't go out for it. We mark it ourselves with a family tea, but there's not big night out, we are well past that stage.

Whatever way she learned of it, it wasn't from him.

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 12:29

Oh, I see the weirdness now. What's her job?

If she was filing paper work or accessing his files for an assignment she could have just taken a mental note.

Either way, he's going to come across as very clenched if he gets upset with her about it. Even if it is a reasonable concern, he's going to sound joyless and petty to the rest of his coworkers hear "He got mad because I wished him happy birthday".

QuizzicalCat · 30/05/2014 12:36

If she had no valid work related reason to access his information then he isn't annoyed that she wished him happy birthday, he's annoyed because she breached the data protection act.

Even if she had a valid work reason to access that information to then use it for a non work related reason is also a breach of the data protection act.

I'd be pissed too - not about the happy birthday, but that someone is worked with was merrily breaking data protection laws left right and centre.

MonstrousPippin · 30/05/2014 12:37

Everyone in my office makes personal calls to phone companies or the bank etc. at some point. You often hear people answering the security questions like first line of address, date of birth etc. If you were pretty savvy you could probably note it all down and impersonate them! That's just another possibility.

If she overheard it said somewhere she might have remembered it if it was the same as someone else's. I always remember my school friend's birthday because it's the same as my mum's for example.

Appletini · 30/05/2014 14:39

I think your DH should get over himself. Sorry...

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 14:40

God I'm 46 and I hope never to be "well past that stage". I love a big birthday celebration I do!

Redcliff · 30/05/2014 14:47

Please don't let it be dull - another one intrigued here....

ToffeeMoon · 30/05/2014 14:54

So what are you implying? I don't get it.

I think you're both being a but precious.

Does it really matter?

RiverTam · 30/05/2014 14:55

I think that is a bit weird, she would have to have gone to some lengths to have found it out, which makes her sound - rather keen? Has your DH ever picked up that she might fancy him?

I don't know the birthdays of anyone at the office, there are no personal calls made in the office at all, but even so, making a note of someone's birthday when they overhear it like that is surely not normal???

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/05/2014 14:59

Ooooooo, maybe she fancies your DH and is trying to get his attention.

"Happy Birthday"
"Thanks"
"Any plans?"
"Not sure"
"Let me take you for a birthday drink"

Bogeyface · 30/05/2014 15:00

Well my suspicion is that she "accidentally" found out so she could email him because she has a crush.

Timeandtune · 30/05/2014 15:01

Is he on LinkedIn ? Mentioned on a company website? My DH and DS2 are like this. Hate "fuss" or being under the spotlight.

Cornettoninja · 30/05/2014 15:08

I keep my birthday to myself. On top of being quite private I'm fairly superstitious about the whole thing given past events that have coincided with the date. Nothing to do with being up myself or a kill joy. I'll happily join in with making a fuss of others but dodge it myself.

I would be pissed off too, not because of the email itself, but because of someone who has no business knowing something about me taking it upon themselves to make a note of it and barge their way into being a part of my life I hadn't chosen to share with them. It's a small thing but if it's someone's line it's uncomfortable having it crossed.

If nothing else, it's a risky subject to take on in the work place imho, I've worked with a couple of people who for religious reasons don't do birthdays (theirs or anyone else's) to the point of not sharing in office cakes if that's why they've been bought in.

CuttingOutTheCrap · 30/05/2014 15:08

She could just be the type that tries to make an effort with people's birthdays. I worked with a girl who did this. She got my DOB from a form I filled out for a course, put it in her diary and, as if by magic, buns appeared on my birthday about 6 months later, despite me never,ever mentioning it to anyone. (not that I minded, - i mean, there were free buns!!!) Grin I suppose she shouldn't really have taken my details from the form, but I can't say I thought much about it too busy nabbing the last eclair

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread