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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for not giving up my seat on the tube?

37 replies

MajesticWhine · 30/05/2014 09:43

I was travelling home from work on the tube yesterday. A woman had a baby in a large buggy on the tube. She appeared to be with a friend. It was fairly busy, but not heaving. After a minute or two of this baby crying, she picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Little one carried on moaning. After another few minutes, a man got up and offered her his seat, which she accepted. And he then started on a long and quite loud tirade against all the other passengers who did not get up and give her a seat. He was saying to another passenger, "Just look at all these women who wouldn't give up their seat. I bet most of them have children of their own. They are ABSOLUTELY USELESS". And so on, repeating several times, very irate. He looked in my direction several times. Now, I confess, I was sitting in my seat and had not really had the thought of getting up to offer my seat. It wasn't that I thought "I'm not giving mine up". The thought just never entered my head that they were in need of a seat. I felt a bit bad, maybe I was being thoughtless.

A few stops later, I got up to get off the tube, and the angry man was blocking the door and looking at me and sighing and tutting, as I tried to shimmy past him. Was he unbelievably rude and inappropriate or was I being unreasonable to not give up my seat? Or maybe both?

OP posts:
Squidstirfry · 30/05/2014 12:34

That was a rather mahoosive over reaction, however he probably had a point.
So his point was not unreasonable, but he was.

I wondered on opening the thread if you were going to be the lady who didn't stand up for me yesterday!

I am wearing a 'baby on board' badge and she looked right at me, and at the badge. It was really busy and no one else looked up (all eyes closed or reading). She just looked away again... I am no prima-donna and wasn't feeling especially tired so carried on standing the whole way, but usually when people see the badge they give up a seat (it's great!) But it's amazing how completely not observant or aware people (Londoners) can be sometimes.

Spherical · 30/05/2014 12:42

He did a nice thing then went and spoiled it by having a loud rant.

DenzelWashington · 30/05/2014 13:16

The rant was not reasonable.

It sounds as though he thought a woman should have given up her seat so he, as a man, didn't have to. But in fact sex doesn't come into it-it is an individual decision whether or not to give up a seat. he did, good for him. Shame he spoiled it with a lot of sanctimonious attention-seeking.

I bet lots of mothers didn't give the woman a seat because they (rightly) judged she didn't really need one-she had a buggy for the child.

I think he directed the rant at you in particular because you are female. Doing the same to a man could have resulted in a confrontation.

TheWitchwithNoName · 30/05/2014 13:56

Occasionally those that look young, healthy and fit that have seats are not and need that seat.

I'm nearly 40 but look a bit younger if I do say so myself but I have a lung diesease - leaves me exhuasted by the end of the week and I NEED THAT SEAT!

The abuse I get though - shocking! They need a 'slient disability' badge. Anyway, I digress....

What really gets me is those parents with 5 year old + children that seem to think they have to have a seat? I even had a row with my other half a few weekends ago as he thought I was wrong to put my 5.5 old my lap and let an adult sit down.....Drives me potty during school holidays!

Ioethe · 30/05/2014 14:02

I hope you trod on his foot on the way out.

CaptainTripps · 30/05/2014 14:39

Strange but not worth giving him any more headspace. Stop now!

Vintagejazz · 30/05/2014 15:50

Why did your dh think you were wrong Witch. To me that's the polite thing to do. It annoys me when other people have to stand so a small child, who could easily sit on his mother or father's lap (presuming they don't have a disability that precludes this) has a seat to himself.

thatmum50 · 30/05/2014 16:53

Yes you were rude, but he overreacted ridiculously.
Solved easily though, just pay a little bit more attention and keep up correct etiquette

OwlCapone · 30/05/2014 17:01

How was she rude? The man didn't offer up his seat straight away either.

Vintagejazz · 30/05/2014 17:18

How was she rude? And surely it's just as correct etiquette for a man to stand up and offer his seat?

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/05/2014 17:41

He was probably one of those knobs who think that men are sooo discriminated against in our society. He probably stood up because he wanted to whinge, and giving up his seat provided the opportunity.

ADishBestEatenCold · 30/05/2014 18:41

Maybe it's something the man experiences a lot, Majestic, and he'd worked himself into a strop about it.
Not quite the same thing, I know, but my recent experience suggests that there are lots of people who won't give up their seats no matter the circumstances.

A couple of months ago I was using crutches following an injury and during that time unexpectedly had to take a train (bought my ticket at the last minute, so couldn't book a seat).

The seats were booked out and the train was so packed that people weren't so much standing in the areas at the end of carriages as squashed into them.
No one got up to offer me a seat. Not only were my crutches very obvious (they kept tripping people up and getting in everyone's way), but I actually asked two separate people if they would. In both cases they said they had a booked seat, and the first one also said she wanted to stay with her travel companion. Other people did hear me asking and by the time the second one refused I was so embarrassed that I didn't want to ask anyone else and hid.

I still can't quite believe it and would never have expected that to happen.

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