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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be very cross with ds over this?

13 replies

JulietBravoJuliet · 30/05/2014 00:33

Ds is 8, never been dry at night, possible mild ASD/ADHD which is currently being assessed/diagnosed. Bathroom next to his room, all lights left on, also has a potty next to his bed in case he wants to go in the middle of the night when it's dark and quiet outside his room (never, ever uses it though).

Tonight, he was a bit later than usual going to bed as he begged to watch Britains Got Talent with me. Fine, as it's half term and he can sleep a bit later. After cleaning his teeth and generally pottering about, it was about 9.30pm when he went to bed (usually goes at 8pm on a school night). Between going to bed and 11.15pm, I heard him go from his room to the bathroom 5 times, and called down a couple of times to check he was ok, to be told he'd been to the toilet. I went to bed at 11.55pm, checked in on him and he's wide awake and laying in a soaking wet bed.

He's confirmed he hasn't been to sleep, went to the bathroom for no reason and is totally aware that he has laid there and wet the bed several times over. He's wearing a pull up yet it's soaked through to the point of his entire bed, down to the pillow, being wringing wet through.

I've told him off; made it clear that if he's weeing in his sleep, I'm fine with that as he can't help it, but it is never acceptable to lay there and deliberately wet himself. He doesn't do it in the day, so why do it at night? It's making me question whether or not he is actually wetting in his sleep the rest of the time, or if it's a deliberate act.

I'm sitting here now feeling guilty for telling him off, but it's made me cross. He has a few developmental issues, but, apart from the night wetting, toileting has never been an issue. I just don't get why he would just lay there, wide awake and wee? He says he doesn't know, but that's his stock response when he's caught doing something he shouldn't! AIBU to be cross? I'm at my wits end :(

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 30/05/2014 00:36

You made a mistake, us parents do from to time.

Hope the bed wetting ends soon, every night I'm changing sheets.

ICanSeeTheSun · 30/05/2014 00:38

www.completecareshop.co.uk/beds-and-bedding/waterproof-bedding/waterproof-duvet-cover-single/

I have this for DS, it means the quilt don't get wet and spare pillows.

JulietBravoJuliet · 30/05/2014 00:42

I have no issue with changing sheets if it's a genuine case of wetting in his sleep, just made me annoyed that I've just had to do all that because he's laid there and done it on purpose.

I'll have a look at that link :)

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softlysoftly · 30/05/2014 00:46

I don't think you made a mistake. If he can control his bladder in the day there is absolutely no reason he can't when wide awake at bedtime.

I know toilet training is supposed to be consequence and guilt free and all that but there has to be a line.

tanukiton · 30/05/2014 00:50

Do you think he was drifting off and wet himself and then tried to clean it up. If he went to the bathroom 5x is sounds like he was trying to either go to the loo or had an accident and tried to clean it up... Give him a hug, say sorry and tell him you love him. Maybe he just wondered what it would be like to pee in the pull up and didn't realize exactly how much pee came out.... It does sound like there might be an underlining issue good luck.

JulietBravoJuliet · 30/05/2014 00:59

I really don't know. I asked him what had happened and he said he'd laid there and wee'd a few times. When asked why, he said he didn't know. His behaviour these last few months has got noticeably worse; this half term week has been a nightmare tbh and tonight was just the icing on the cake. I'm tired and incredibly weary :(

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Mandy2003 · 30/05/2014 01:21

If he normally only wets when he's asleep I'd suspect an infection. Especially as he got up 5 times then felt himself weeing in bed. Docs in the morning?

CorusKate · 30/05/2014 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/05/2014 01:36

It's not true that control in the day means control at night with many things.

It's hard to explain what I mean but from a sensory perspective night time feels very different to daytime.

Up until I was about 16 I used to get into a weird zone out when in bed I wouldn't be asleep but I would feel like I was and I wouldn't have been able to do many of the things I could do when up about and alert.

It used to happen more when I was over tired

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/05/2014 01:45

lack of usual routine for anyone with even mild asd/adhd can be a real stresser for people with the condition.

could this be a factor?

fwiw i dont think getting cross will help. have you seen a doctor to rule out any other problems? physical? etc.

if yes, then you need a referral to a psychologist. they can help with the cycles of behavour that ASD (austistic specrum disorder) brings

excues spelling.....knackered.

PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 03:02

It seems odd that he's going to the bathroom then wetting himself anyway. Either way, going to the bathroom more than once (even in his bed) in two hours is quite a bit. That's also a lot of pee to soak a pillow like that. Does he have a medical problem? Was he drinking a big glass of water/liquid before bed? Have you checked his kidneys to make sure they aren't over producing.

When I had a bladder infection, it felt like I had to go all the time. The sensation of having to go, and being unable to is maddening. Maybe he didn't realize if he relaxed his muscles he would pee since he wasn't peeing in the bathroom? If he constantly feels like he has to go, he may have a hard time telling the difference and keep his bladder clenched all day and only going when it's dire, and then relax it at night as he's falling asleep. Does it seem urgent when he goes during the day, or is he pretty relaxed about it? He might be technically awake, but his muscles are relaxing. If that makes sense.

LibraryMum8 · 30/05/2014 03:43

YANBU. I still second a dr. Appointment just to make sure everything is OK. Ds was wearing Pull Ups to bed until he was around six or seven and I know how stressful it all is. You are human.

JulietBravoJuliet · 30/05/2014 07:53

We've got an appointment with the paed on Wednesday so I'll mention it then. He's wide awake now, after 7 hours sleep. So glad his dad'so got him today as he'll be cranky later!!

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