To have told them what they said behind their backs?

[Shellsseaweed]

I'm feeling like a shit stirrer right now but I don't feel guilty because I know I'm telling the truth. But I think I'm hated now for passing information on.

I have two brothers. Don't get on particularly well with one of them. He is a horrible person, will back stab and say shit about people behind their backs without feeling any remorse. Will make up lies and pass them on to the other siblings.

Last week he was at one of my brothers house with his wife (OW, equally bitchy). My sil and brother were out for a few hours and his wife and him made a comment about selling my dads house to get money because sil said they need the money as they look after dad.

I passed this information on to them and they got pissed off and asked the "bad" brother if this was said and he says I'm lying along with other choice words.

I know I'm not lying. I told them because he'd said a load of other horrible things to me that day and that was part of it aswell.

Should I have told them? I think they hate me for passing this information on and don't believe me now because sil has made some threatening remarks to me.

What a lovely bunch they are! I would probably respond like you. I don't tolerate people who want to bitch and moan about people behind their backs. I think it's good to remain honest and try not to get caught up in their arguments. Even if that means getting it in the ear for telling the truth.

Keep being truthful and hopefully your brother will see that whatever nasty things he says behind others' backs gets passed on to the people themselves, it might make him stop saying those things in front of you in the first place.

Your OP is difficult to follow.

Generally, repeating stuff, stirring, playing people off against each other, and labelling people 'bad guys' is childish and time consuming.

You sound ridiculous. Just step back and let your siblings relate to each other on their own terms.

Tbh you sound exactly like them. What have you done that's any different to how you have described them? Seriously sounds like you all need to keep your distance from each other.

I only said "bad" to make it easier to define which brother I was talk

Which brother I was talking about.

Thanks coffee. That's something I'm working on but impossible at the moment. But I know I won't be involved with anyone of them if my dad dies.

I sort of agree with Canus except for one thing, was the 'bad brother' and his wife talking about selling your elderly father's house out from under him because they need the money? In which case that is a serious issue which needs to be talked about. It's hard to follow in your OP. Or was 'bad brother' having a bitch about your other brother selling dad's house? In which case you were shit stirring.

No, the "bad" brother...let's called him B2, was saying he wants to sell dad's house to get money from it, and then his wife chipped in and said, "yes because sil said they really need the money"...which turns out it isn't true as they've never said they wanted any money from any house.

But I've been made out to be the liar and bad person in it all. I found it a serious matter too and that's why I told them.

Well the only thing to come out of it now is that if they do end up selling your dads place it will prove you weren't lying, and if they don't then that's a good thing?

I might be in the minority here but I'd have told them. I can't abide sniping, gossiping and/or bitching behind others backs. I'm firmly of the belief that if you don't have the balls/don't want something being said to a persons face then you shouldn't say it behind their back. Likewise don't tell people things you wouldn't mind becoming public knowledge, it makes things much easier. I'm also of the opinion that if you've overheard something/been told something and feel that it needs repeating it was about then you should be more than happy for your name being given as the source. I don't have time for people who say "Don't say it came from me, but X said this about you.." It's like being back in the schoolyard.

If you're concerned about your brothers intentions or the welfare of your father regarding the remarks made then yes, you're doing the right thing by repeating what you said. Having been in a situation recently where the whole family bar my parents and I/siblings practically abandoned my Grandmother, having to arrange her palliative care and eventually sitting with her as she passed away I was more than a little shocked to go to her house the following morning (she died early evening the day before) to find the family that had shunned her for the best part of a year had ransacked her house (it looked like it had been burgled) and had even emptied her pockets/handbags looking for an insurance policy that didn't exist.

Is your dad well enough to discuss PoA with?

Because they might just be bumping their gums or they might be stone cold greedy cunts - I don't know, but I do know that it's important if you might have a sibling alliance to get the house sold that your dad has protected himself and any house selling is only to fund him. He's really the important one in this little incident as it's his house, his money and a significant asset to pay for care or more appropriate housing, whatever, it's not sitting there as a little piggy bank for his children - unless that is his uncoerced choice.

As to the rest of it - what did you hope to gain? It didn't work did it? It sounds like you have one 'bad' brother in your mind but the other one isn't exactly breaking the mould is he?
Yabu on that score - you were just stirring the shit really as there are ways and means of having these conversations. It sounds like you wanted mostly to drop brother 2 in it so he got his comeuppance.

But tbh they all sound a waste of time - you don't have to put up with abuse or any intellectually challenged troglodyte who condones that kind of behaviour.
If you say there's nothing but lies and harassment from his unpleasant wife then why see them?
Let your brothers wallow in their spite together. Concentrate your energies on your relationship with your dad. But I wouldn't start a shit slinging contest with pigs.
Be civil, don't rise to it and be dignified. Play the long game.

mumtobethree I'm sorry about your grandmother . How terrible. I don't want anything like that happening with my dad.

Yes, I told my brother and sil that they can ask B2 straight away if his wife said this or not and tell them I passed it on because I know I'm not lying.

I've been told by sil that no one else was there to hear it (!) and that they stopped B2 from coming to my house to "have it out with me" because it would have been embarrassing for me infront of my husband (!!). I don't know why it would've been embarrassing when I haven't done anything wrong.

Oh Shell, it sounds awful :( The people you should be able to unite with and form a solid front in times of need often turn out to be the biggest arseholes out there.

Definitely get some sort of plan in place, even if it's just who has access etc, it broke my heart to see my Nans house like that, and she'd have been so ashamed of them all. There was a small policy that covered half of her funeral, she gave that to my Mother, we paid the rest, they didn't offer anything, didn't arrange anything, it was absolutely horrendous.

My dad isn't sound of mind either. . Apparently B2 went around and did some "sums" with dad telling him how much of a cut everyone should get....

My brother and sil are angry that they've been quoted as saying they wanted the money urgently.

I can't believe B2 is blatantly calling me a liar. I'm shocked at his denial. His wife said it and yet I'm the one who's in the wrong.

It seems to me both brothers will do as they please as I'm obviously the wrong one. I'm quite worried as to what they'll make my dad do.

Is it likely that your Dad will pass away in the space of a year?

If so, all three of you need to discuss your intent, with your Dad.

My Mum is in that position. She had willed it to be sold and the proceeds to be split between me, my DD's and my Sister.

We have had a frank discussion with her, without my Sister, who doesn't want to talk about it.

Realistically it won't sell for much. My eldest has her own much better house, as does my Sister. I don't want it, my youngest has to live with me (LD's), so my middle DD, who is pregnant will come out of their rented house and live in it.

For what it would sell for, wouldn't even register in our lives.

These things should try to be worked out, whilst people are able to discuss this rationally.

X post.

Is your Dad handling his own affairs, does he have capacity?

If one of your brothers tries to get your Dad to sell, you can get advice via Age Concern.

SS will get involved to protect his rights.

I'm not sure of your motivation for telling. If it was to prompt everyone to sit down and have a reasoned chat about your ddad's future then that doesn't seem to have happened.

If it was to get sympathy because he'd 'said a load of other horrible things to me that day' then that didn't work either.

If it was to get back at him because he'd 'said a load of other horrible things to me that day' then likewise, that didn't work.

I always try to stop and question my motivation if I'm tempted to take stories back. If you'd worked out what you wanted to achieve then you might have approached it differently and you might have had a different outcome.

Or, you are all prone to bitching, stirrring and plotting behind each other's backs, in which case no matter what you did, it would end up with this situation.