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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH has been treated unfairly financially by his parents?

304 replies

TravellingToad · 29/05/2014 06:37

I'm struggling to get my head around something but have a feeling that it's unfair.

13 years ago DH and his sister bought a flat together. It was £120,000 and they didn't have any money. Their parents paid the deposit. DH and SIL paid the mortgage equally for 2 years. After 2 years SIL wanted to move out. DH wanted to stay but couldn't afford to buy out SIL.

The parents have SIL £60,000 on DHs behalf as her share of the flat. So that was 11 years ago. Yesterday DH sold the flat (for exact same as he paid which was £120,000)

His parents thinks he owes them £60,000 as they bought out his sister for him all those years ago. This seems unfair to me but I can't quite put my finger on why. I think it's because SIL didn't put any money into the purchase (neither of them did) but was gifted £60k after living there 2 years. DH serviced the mortgage for all that time, 13 years and has come away having to pay his parents £60k whereas SIL has that amount in her pocket. DH obviously has £60k in his pocket too from the other half of the flat but he paid into it for all those years so it's not really a bonus it's just what he put in. Sils £60k is pure profit

Can someone see clearly for me is this fair? Happy to pay it if it's fair. Their parents are extremely keen for both children to have been treated equally.

OP posts:
Shouldwego · 01/06/2014 10:18

Agree that by trying to offset it against the rent you are acknowledging that you owe the money when actually you don't owe that much at all. Could lead to resentment as they were banking on you letting trek live rent free anyway as presumably that had been the agreement before the £60k came into play?

Good luck.

Bearbehind · 01/06/2014 10:41

OP, your DH has to discuss this with his parents now

You are talking as if he does owe them £60k when, if the facts truly are as you've outlined, he absolutely does not.

they obviously believe he does owe them it so are going to be annoyed if you appear to be just ignoring it.

Having said that, this story has never really added up in my mind and your DH's reluctance to discuss it adds fuel to the possibility that there is much more to this than you are aware of.

BackOnlyBriefly · 01/06/2014 10:54

SIL was overpaid. All she paid was 2 years mortgage and she walked away with half of what it would sell for when it was paid for.

If DH owes £60k then SIL owes him her half of the last 11 years mortgage payments.

Giving her the £60k was where it went wrong and made no sense at all.

WonderingAllowed · 01/06/2014 13:51

As I understand it the parents did not pay any of the mortgage so are not entitled to any of the equity over and above the initial deposit of which they gave EACH child £6k. In giving the sister £60k (half of of the £120k value), they gave her the £6k again so I am presuming that the £6k was a gift. On that basis, I would say the most your DH owes them is the £6k gifted deposit that they gave back to his sister. Her paying half of the mortgage for 2 years is neither here nor there as that would not have reduced the capital loan. That was her rent.

As a poster correctly surmised earlier on, your DH's parents have given him £6k but his sister £66k. It really is that simple.

maddening · 01/06/2014 14:59

I think you need to put down all the figures and explain their fuck up to them - bringing up this rent etc is still going to cause upset as they genuinely think eh owes them - they need to understand what has happened and then it is up to them to decide to chase sil or not. If they argue the toss you still have the rent issue in your deck.

Original poster
TravellingToad · 01/06/2014 20:04

DH has spoken to his mum. It's all sorted, it's been explained and we aren't paying them anything. they are totally happy with this, and we're happy with this. It was remarkably easy. thank you everyone who took all the time to post. I think really that they maybe knew we didn't really owe them £60k Shock Confused

OP posts:
weakandvocal · 01/06/2014 20:08

That's great news! Crack open the champagne. and ask them for 48k

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 01/06/2014 20:09

That's fantastic news. Glad it's all been sorted and there's been no falling out :)

Bearbehind · 01/06/2014 20:13

Excellent news..... Now to broach the fact that if they want to treat their children fairly, they owe your DH £48k Grin

Itsfab · 01/06/2014 20:13

Any justification why the daughter gets 60 grand the son doesn't?

SanityClause · 01/06/2014 20:19

If anyone is to give the DH any money, surely it's his sister?

He can then give it back to his parents.

TheEnchantedForest · 01/06/2014 20:20

Did they understand that it wasn't actually owed or do they think they are doing you a favour?

Viviennemary · 01/06/2014 20:20

Can't get my head round this I'm afraid. But why should the parents be left out of pocket. They should get back from the sale of the flat any money they put into the flat. I think the mortgage repayments should be added up and taken into consideration when working out who gets what. I'd see a solicitor if it was me.

deakymom · 01/06/2014 20:27

if you lend a child money make sure you're able to lose it because if you ask for it back you're in for a whole heap of trouble

as parents its best to stick to gifts and advice

MellowAutumn · 01/06/2014 20:28

Vivenemary - the parents wanted it to be fair - the SIL is already £60,000 better off with thier misplaced generosity, than the DH plus they are not living rent free in op's property.

TheEnchantedForest · 01/06/2014 20:29

the parents gave a ridiculously large amount of money to the sister! Why should the brother pay for the sister's 'loan'? If anyone owes the money it is the sister when she sells her property! the brother has paid off most of the mortgage on his own and not been given £60,000. So he definitely doesn't owe any money!
others have explained this better :)

anyway, I am glad the situation has been resolved.

StatisticallyChallenged · 01/06/2014 20:43

Viviennemary the £60k isn't in the flat. It was never in the flat, it's in the sister's property. The DH never saw a penny of that money. The only money he has had any benefit from is the original £12k deposit, and whatever 50% of the capital repayment component of 2 years mortgage was.

Viviennemary · 01/06/2014 21:06

Thanks for trying to explain. Your DH certainly doesn't owe the £60K if it hasn't been put into the property. A lesson not to buy property with a family member! Glad you got it sorted out.

Shewhowines · 01/06/2014 21:16

What has been said about the sister getting the 6oK? If they really want to be fair this needs to be sorted.

nauticant · 01/06/2014 21:27

Well done OP. Although there's an inequality between money provided to your DH and to his sister, it's up to you both to decide whether to let that lie.

The main thing is that you've straightened it out with the PILs that your DH doesn't owe them £60,000.

Shouldwego · 01/06/2014 21:45

Interesting that it was sorted so easily. A bit strange too, they must have realised that they gave the sister half of the deposit and £60k and gave your DH only half of the deposit.

I can understand why you are Shock and Confused about it all. I am quite suspicious (of them not you) Hmm at how they have backed down so easily.

How exactly did the conversation go? obviously I realise I am being totally nosy now but am intrigued

whatever5 · 01/06/2014 22:19

It all seems very strange. Why on earth did your PIL give your SIL 60k? It sounds as if they didn't really understand what they were doing. Maybe your SIL gets it though and has explained that they put 60k into her property not your DH's.

AKeyFox · 01/06/2014 23:42

SIL still Hmm owes them the 60k.

Or PIL need to get a grip and realise they've given SIL 60k with no strings and eat the 60k.

She's just walked away whistling hasn't she ?

Sounds like PIL are confused, or want to get round not making appropriate arrangements with SIL at the time.

RandomMess · 01/06/2014 23:44

The whole is just mad Confused

AKeyFox · 01/06/2014 23:46

world ? Grin