to be annoyed at having to wait to celebrate everything because of dp and his job?

[livvielife]

Dp works shifts which often involves working Christmas so we usually have Christmas a few days before or after everyone else. The kids are young (7, 6, 4, 1) so so far this hasn't been an issue.

However, though he could book their birthdays off, or even take a few hours off in the morning to see them open presents, he won't. He expects that we'll wait (up to 5 days depending on where the birthday falls in his shift pattern) to celebrate on his days off. This means that the birthday child gets wished happy birthday on the actual day and maybe their cake, but presents and party have to wait until daddy is off. Party is fair enough - I wouldn't plan that for a work day. But as the children get older I don't think they'll appreciate having to wait to open presents for days. Dp says they could do it on the birthday but after work but that's 7 pm at the earliest which means much excitement but no time to play with new things before bed. Plus I always think you should wake up to birthday celebrations and presents - this isn't an option on work days as he leaves at 6.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at always having to wait to celebrate and to think he should book the day off if he wants to be there? Or am I being unreasonable and it wouldn't be fair on dp to not wait?

I think you celebrate the birthday without him and do another mini celebration when he's off?

What the hell? Making kids wait 5 days to celebrate their birthdays when he can take some time off?

What a selfish arse. I'd never even consider waiting, I'm not sure why you've set the precedence really as why should what he want come before everybody else?

He can either book the time off or just miss it.

I would celebrate birthdays on the day with children, whether that's before or after school and if daddy can't be there then daddy misses out (or daddy books the time off to join in). Parties are generally at the weekend closest to a birthday for all the kids round here, so that's the norm, but they all get presents from their family on the actual day of their birthday.

YANBU. I think you should go ahead and celebrate the occasion on the day and have a mini celebration or meal out with him when he's off. If he wants to join in the celebration he can book time off work!

You are being a bit unreasonable to be annoyed IMO. Doesn't he get any credit at all for showing an interest in family life and his children? Would you rather celebrate with him absent?

I agree you can never have enough celebrations but he wants to be there for present opening and expects us to wait for him. He thinks I'm BU to not just do.it in the evening if it must be on the actual birthday but I don't think waiting until bedtime to open presents is fair. He works weekends too so sometimes parties aren't until 2/3 wks after dc birthday so he can be there. I don't think they should have to keep sacrificing.

Why should he get credit for making his children wait to celebrate their birthdays until he has time to fit it in between work? Children LOVE birthdays, and their birthday should be important, not something to fit in around work. If he was really showing an interest in his children he would arrange HIS life to accommodate their special events, rather than expecting them to arrange THEIR special events to accommodate his work.

He could book the day off dancing, he chooses not to.He doesn't plan the parties, buy the presents (or even know what they are) or arrange celebrations. It feels a bit like he wants to be there for the glory (and photos) rather than to ensure the kids have the best birthday - as they'd have a better one if they could celebrate their actual birthday.

My father traveled and worked long hours growing up. I don't remember ever celebrating a birthday without him. There's not really an excuse for it. He can book the day off if he wanted to, he just isn't prioritizing his children.

I'd open the presents at dinner with birthday cake and if DP want to be home, he'll arrange to get off a few hours early.

How many days annual leave does he get every year? If you add together four birthdays, two days at christmas, easter etc. there's a good chance that's a third of his allocation. How is the rest of his leave used?

Christmas can't be booked off so I have no problem with that. Not fussed about Easter, just birthdays so just four days off for them leaves loads of annual leave.