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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Little help

47 replies

Bellezeboobian · 28/05/2014 21:49

I have a 5yr old boy, his 'dad' has never seen him but offered financial help but I've never taken it

him or his family have never ever spoken to me

a couple of weeks ago his mum got in touch via facebook asking could they take him out

i refused but now apparently I'm unreasonable as they've never seen him and I should be facilitating the communication between him and his 'family'

If his 'nan' really wants to see him then I need to be there - I have said this although I don't really want him to see them anyway, but she isn't happy about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 28/05/2014 23:25

i would send them a message saying that unfortunately as they have wanted nothing to do with your ds since his birth you don't feel that he would now benefit from a relationship with them but should HE decide in the future that he would like to get to know them then you will let them know.

Then delete and block them!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 28/05/2014 23:25

Thanks bogey I'm going to do that!! I'm prone to going off on one - think first ask questions later - so need reigning in. WWMND is perfect I'm just glad my feelings were justified this time ha

bitout you're right, I may have felt differently had they handled it better

OP posts:

BeCool · 28/05/2014 23:25

GP don't have access rights.
Stand your ground - you are the parent, it's your decision and your responsibility to do what is best for your child.

Bogeyface · 28/05/2014 23:27

think first ask questions later

You do better than me! I do first, then ask questions, then waaaay down the line I think about it! Very irritating!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 28/05/2014 23:29

I messed that up didn't i, I meant act ha!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 28/05/2014 23:47

Slightly proved our point I think! :o

PrincessBabyCat · 29/05/2014 00:05

Yeah, that's nice. They don't get to be there in DS's life when it's convenient for them.

Bogeyface · 29/05/2014 00:59

Princess hope that was a typo!

ExcuseTypos · 29/05/2014 07:26

I use the "WWMND" when I'm feeling anxious about a meeting or situation. It gives me loads of confidence as I can hear voices of MN behind me, pushing me on

Good luck Belle!

HappyAgainOneDay · 29/05/2014 08:18

If this were my little boy, I would be suspicious of the GP's motives. Are they of a different nationality? Would they run away with him?

Susyb30 · 29/05/2014 08:33

What kind of people would think its acceptable to take achild who has never met them out? Who the hell do they think they are? Wierdos. Your son..they have no rights here, so screw them. Some people really do think they are a law to themselves!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 29/05/2014 08:45

Well it's all kicked off this morning.

Got loads of abuse from another account saying I'm evil and that they're both devastated - all they want to do is take dear Grandson out for the day with their friends

I snapped I'm afraid. :(

OP posts:

beginnings · 29/05/2014 08:51

Move on from the snap Belle, block the new account and as Bogey said upthread, keep blocking and get with your day.

Some people just forget children are actual human beings I think. Why on earth would anyone think it's appropriate to dive into the life of a little one like that. It would be terrifying!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 29/05/2014 08:53

My motto for today will be block and move on. I don't think they know where I live exactly thank god.

OP posts:

Susyb30 · 29/05/2014 09:01

If you get any more shit from them get them done for harassment. They must be completely mad if they think this is acceptable. .very telling of the kind of people they are. Good luck .

Bogeyface · 29/05/2014 10:58

all they want to do is take dear Grandson out for the day with their friends

And there is your reason, they dont want to see him because he is their darling grandson, they want to show off to their friends and pretend that they didnt abandon him for 5 years.

What did you say to them?!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 30/05/2014 23:52

Right sorry haven't got back to you all

She went apeshit.

Sending me her number, demanding I ring her to 'discuss the injustice'

in the end I basically said 'youve not exactly gone about this the right way, you've demonstrated you really dont give a crap about either of us, so for now it's a no and I doubt it will be yes in the future'

she added my mum on facebook

Now whereas I pull my punches - my mum is dying, but strong and won't. She's basically given her what for and I haven't had any trouble since.

OP posts:

fifi669 · 31/05/2014 00:29

Added your mum? Hoped to get the other gran on side? How stupid. As if she was going to back a stranger over her own daughter, a stranger that hasn't given a solitary fuck about the grandchild she loves all these years!

Goes some way to show her head isn't quite right!

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 31/05/2014 00:36

Exactly. My mum rang me and my belly went all funny when she said 'that womans added me'

Putting it bluntly, my mum doesn't give a toss and has told her straight. She's said things I wouldnt but it's all the truth and Im glad she has. Haven't heard anything since so hopefully it's over.

I'm expecting a call from Jeremy Kyle because they are exactly the sort to drag you on there. Enough said :(

My son is happy and settled finally, I'm not having this.

OP posts:

PhaedraIsMyName · 31/05/2014 01:51

I don't use Facebook but is this normal behaviour? It seems utterly weird to me to initiate contact in this way rather than writing to you? Do they have/could they have got an address or other way of contacting you?

However they sound vile. As far as your child is concerned they are complete strangers as are their friends. Any contact should be at a place and time at your convenience with you there although I don't think you are unreasonable if you wanted to refuse any.

Original poster

Bellezeboobian · 31/05/2014 01:58

Yes it's completely normal now, usually with old friends and such. I've never received a letter in my life

I think they're vile too, and to be honest right now I don't feel any contact is reasonable. They've shown a bad side to them unfortunately.

OP posts:

PhaedraIsMyName · 31/05/2014 02:03

The more I read on here about Facebook the less I like the sound of it.

They don't have rights. They can apply for leave to make an application for contact. There is an initial hurdle of even being allowed in to court to get over. I don't think they have a chance.

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