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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think different rules for different kids is not the way forward for family life?

15 replies

Jadebugg · 28/05/2014 19:02

Do and I have 4 kids between us. All boys. Mine are 13 and 15 and his are 17 and 18. His kids come here every Saturday night until Sunday and when they do they have full unlimited and unrestricted access to everything we have. The main 'downstairs' computer, the tv and playstation, dp's precious guitars and amplifier ... They don't need to ask, they just pick up and use. My kids however are not allowed the password for the main pc yeah they have their own laptops but so do his kids!) and they are not allowed to "take over" the tv if we are in (but we have to sit there for hours watching his ds play grand theft auto in the living room on a Saturday night). We've just had words because my eldest has been using dp's guitar and he's pissed off because it's "his" and he worked hard for it and it's special to him etc ... Yet my lad has to watch whilst his own kids thrash around on it without even asking permission to go on the bugger? He seems to have adopted this mindset that "his" stuff (the tv, computer, guitars etc) are private and should be respected as such and not touched yet this doesn't extend to his own kids, how is this fair? This isn't family life is it? This is a "your family and my family" set up. I'm really sick of it. How can he even justify allowing one set of kids the password for the PC but not the other two? The age gap isn't that big. Aibu? Even I feel like I'm "not allowed" to do certain things like use the garage for example. I can't imagine this set up was in place when he was married to their mother.

OP posts:
guitarosauras · 28/05/2014 19:05

He's an arse.

How long have you both been together? and how long have you lived together?

magoria · 28/05/2014 19:06

He is compensating for not having his kids there during the week.

It is bloody unreasonable on your DC and puts them as second class.

Personally I would accept this. How long have you been together and how long have you allowed this?

What are you going to do about it?

CoffeeTea103 · 28/05/2014 19:06

Yanbu, one set of rules but would be difficult to enforce if his kids grew up differently. They probably see it as their dad's stuff and no need to ask.

Littlefish · 28/05/2014 19:06

He is being completely unreasonable.

You need to sit down and agree a set of rules which will apply to all the dc, regardless of their parentage.

maras2 · 28/05/2014 19:06

Why in God's name would you want to be with such a person.He doesn't respect you or your kids.He's an arse and you and your kids would be better off without him. My very first L.T.B.

guitarosauras · 28/05/2014 19:10

Do the children all get on?
How do yours react when his are there?

Think you all (kids included) need to sit down and discuss it. Make new rules.

Ragwort · 28/05/2014 19:10

Why are you even with this arse?

Was it your house and he moved in or his house? Or a new home that you set up together.

Not that it should matter .......... just sort things out and leave him.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/05/2014 19:10

Piss poor arrangement and unfair on your two boys.

What are the house arrangements; rent or mortgage, both names on the documents or not?

oldgrandmama · 28/05/2014 19:11

Blimey, he sounds a real prince, I mean prick. Totally unreasonable. Yes, I'd like to know how long you've been together.

Ericaequites · 28/05/2014 19:13

It's long past time for everyone living in the house to sit down and hammer out rules that apply to everyone. Posting a copy in the kitchen would be wise.These should include screen and TV time, quiet hours for study and sleep, and sharing chores. It's hard to teach teen boys to help in the house, but their future wives and sweethearts will thank you.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/05/2014 19:13

Yes, I would leave a tit like this, I wouldn't allow my Sons to be treated like this.

GTA on a Saturday night, bollocks to that arse.

JadeBugg · 28/05/2014 20:37

Just tried to bring it up with him, calmly pointed out that I wasn't happy with some of the rules and said I'd like to talk about them as I feel they're unfair. This resulted in him going absolutely fucking mental, shouting and swearing at me, telling me he does loads for my kids and I do fuck all for his (only a few days ago I ran around after a 12 hour nights shift to get his sons birthday card and cake and candles etc, I offered to decorate their room and was told no as they don't care about stuff like that, I tried to organise a holiday with his kids and was put off all the way by him saying his kids wouldn't want to go etc) and he said some bullshit about his kids only get 10% of what my kids get from him. Not my fault their mother divorced him! Anyway this is all very typical, god forbid I try and voice an opinion all fucking he'll breaks lose. He never lets me speak, impossible to talk to and reason with. I told him I wouldn't continue the conversation whilst he was being so aggressive so he shouted "good" and stormed off. There's communication for you right there.

OP posts:
magoria · 28/05/2014 20:45

You have posted before haven't you? The birthday cake etc ring a bell.

You have two choices really.

Put up and shut up while you and your children are treated like this.

Or end the relationship and you and your DC be treated equally.

Who is more important him and his kids or you and yours?

Ragwort · 28/05/2014 20:46

I think your problems are a lot more than issues over the children, why on earth do you stay with this man? If my DH spoke to me in such a disrespectful way that would be the end of our marriage.

What exactly do you gain from this relationship?

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/05/2014 20:52

What is the housing situation? Rented, owned jointly etc?

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