to be quite annoyed with this comment by a friend?

[LogicalPreference]

Last week I met up with two friends (one I am very close to (Friend A) and the other definitely not as close but still good friends (Friend B)).

Background I have depression, both my friends know this. It is a recent diagnosis but I would say I've had it around 6 years. Friend A has known from the start but it is a recent thing for Friend B.

A comment was made by friend B that it's shit I'm not with someone, already feeling quite low so this comment and sympathy were just too much - after about half an hour I apologised, made my excuses and left.

Afterwards friend B asked friend A if I was self-harming?

Aibu to be annoyed at this comment? I have zero history of self harming, I do not wear long sleeves or completely cover myself up etc. This is the reason I don't like to tell people I have depression because it makes some people treat/see you differently. I'm just saddened that someone could jump to such an extreme conclusion about someone they have known nearly 20 years.

Why would Friend A tell you this? surely Friend A could just have gently put Friend B right and not mentioned this to you. If Friend B has little knowledge or or experience with people with depression, she can't be expected to understand the ins and outs after a short period of time of knowing that you have depression.

If friend B keeps on making tactless or hurtful comments after you have had the opportunity to talk to her about depression and what it means for you, then dump her.

But I would be more pissed off with friend A at the moment, to be honest.

Well, not everyone is particularly well informed about depression tbh.

Her question about self harming was misinformed and insensitive although it wasn't made directly to you. Friend A reported it to you - what for? That has caused harm for no good end. It sounds to me like Friend A isn't the most informed or sensitive either.

But whilst you are having a bad time right now, I would try not to dwell on the inadequacies of others in their attempts to show concern or interest. Everybody flounders in areas like depression, bereavement and separation.

Try to be a bit more forgiving of both friends. They're friends - can you imagine them not wanting the best for you? If you think otherwise then that's a completely different scenario.

Neither yabu or yanbu.

Put it down to sheer ignorance OP. They probably do care.

I know exactly what you mean about the set ideas people have as soon as you mention anything to do with MH problems, but it sounds as though she was asking because she cared.

She wanted you to meet someone nice, you even said yourself that she was being sympathetic, that's not a nasty thing for her to do.

I can't see anything wrong with her asking if you were self harming either, it wasn't that she was asking behind your back, she could have been asking in a concerned way and didn't want to ask you in case she upset you.

Have to agree with the others that I'd be wondering why friend A was telling you about her asking.

I would think more of it if you told your friends about your depression and they totally ignored it. Why don't you want them to treat you differently? They care about you and want you to know.

You've known each other 20 years, that must count for something?

Yes, did Friend A say 'o friend B asked if you were self harming, she is really worried about you'

OR did Friend A imply that Friend B was somehow being insensitive and too curious?

If its the latter, then its Friend A you should have the problem with.

I asked Friend A if anything was said when I left - because I left rather quickly. She didn't immediately tell me and I know she would never say anything to hurt me on purpose.

Could B have asked out of concern?

It depends on what kind of person she is normally.

Ok, that puts Friend A in a better light.

i would give Friend B some time to get her head round the fact that you do have depression. If she hadn't got a clue before and doesn't know anyone else with depression, it will take time for her to understand. for those of us who don't suffer from depression it is hard. I have read loads of books for e.g. but I bet I put my foot in it on a daily basis, never having experienced it can make it hard to show sufficient understanding.

Friend A was being honest. Friend B was being inquisitive. Neither seem to understand much about depression. Perhaps you should talk to them.

Most of my friends know I suffer from depression. I go out with them and we laugh and joke all night and have a great time. Sometimes I don't want to go, and don't go, they understand, because they understand depression.

Best wishes OP. Its an uphill struggle for sure.

Well, I'm not sure that AIBU is the best place to ask this, if you are feeling that sensitive, tbh.
If you want to know, then yes, I think you are being over sensitive, but I understand it could all be tied up with the depression.
Like most other posters, it strikes me that Friend A was the one who was being insensitive here, not Friend B - she was just trying to understand a little more about something she didn't know much about, which seems a sensible thing to do if you want to support a friend through a bad patch. There was no need for Friend A to relay this to you in that level of detail though.

Well, you asked a question and got an answer. You knew they probably said something about you after they left. What someone else says about you really isn't any of your business.

I hate it when people relay "he said, she said" to me. I can't defend myself against the person who said it, and the person who said it probably expected what they said wouldn't get repeated so it's not fair to get upset with them about it. It's shitty on all counts.

Friend B was probably concerned. Not everyone understands depression. I've asked questions about friends out of concern because I didn't want to make them feel awkward.

I really wouldn't dwell on it too much. Like PP said. Friend A was honest with you. Friend B was concerned about you. I don't think you really should be upset with either.