Are my PILs being unreasonable?

[MrTumblesSpottyWAG]

Had to NC for this one, but have been around for a while!

My MIL and FIL live in a 2 bed semi. Both have health conditions which make living in said house quite difficult. FIL is registered disabled and when they moved into their current house, they were offered a specially adapted 1 bed home to suit their mobility needs. They refused on account that DP was still living with them and needed the extra room (he helped them get around etc)

DP and I are now living together and PILs have recently been offered another adapted 1 bed home as they no longer have help and things have deteriorated so they can't get about as well. E.g it takes them 10 mins to get up a flight of stairs, which makes going to the loo very difficult etc. They also find it difficult to manage their rent now that DP is not there to pay a share (and sadly it's not an option for us to help them financially, but we would if we could)

We've found out that, again, they have been offered an adapted 1 bed home to accommodate their mobility and financial needs. Once again they have refused this on the grounds that MIL doesn't want to have to give up the second bedroom which is used for her hobby.

I understand completely that we all need an outlet to escape the daily grind, but I can see that DP is getting increasingly worried about them living in their current house, listening to their struggles, hearing that one of them has exacerbated their conditions by struggling up and down the stairs again etc. They can't take care of the house and, although it's not untidy, it is dirty (they can't clean properly and the mould is starting to creep in, which is making them ill) Are we unreasonable to wish they'd see reason and take the new house! They have said that the current house has no sentimental value to them, they just like the space. WWYD!!

Not unreasonable at all. But as the DIL you're not I. A strong position, so I'd stay out of it. Support DH, but don't get involved. It's their problem not yours.

Could you find out if the new house would have room at the back? Perhaps you could suggest a big shed type structure for the hobby?

Tbh it sounds like an excuse. Most people dont like change. They might feel like its giving up to have to move.

someone might need to gently suggest that in the long term they are more likely to be able to stay together and live independent lives if they move. Could doctor have a word or another family friend because it sounds like they do really need to move

What is the hobby?

Does it have a garden suitable for a summer house? Hobby could be done there?

I sympathise as I think all day with just a lounge and sitting nowhere else would actually send me barmy.

I know that it's not my place to say anything, so I have been leaving it to DP and other family members to talk to them. PILs have the tendency to pick out so many reasons as to why they can't move, so other family members have the impression that moving would not be a good thing. (Other family members aren't all that close to PILs and DP and I, so they don't see the whole situation.

The doctor is the one that got them in touch with a councilor who visited and in turn got a housing officer to come and chat to them. It just goes round in circles!

Try and tell them of the benefits of moving, would they see more of you perhaps?

Could a special cupboard accommodate the hobby, perhaps in the hall? You could show them a picture of it or say you will buy one for them as a moving in gift?

Also perhaps you could offer to help them organise the move, re direct bills and so on. This kind of thing is daunting.

They won't talk to us about what the house looks like/ how it's laid out as they just dismiss it as "impractical". But from the research I've done into adapted houses in our area, they do look rather spacious. Some do have gardens and have wider doors for wheelchair access, stair lifts (if they've been offered a house over 2 floors) bathrooms and kitchen are adapted to that you can access the loo, sink, work tops etc easier from wheelchairs. Ramps for wheelchairs to get in and out of the house. Special shower rooms so they don't have to step up into the bath or be confined to a shower cubicle. The list goes on.

From what you have said the move sounds lime it ks much needed and very sensible.
But epecting them to just give up their home and move somewhere else is a big thing.

Maybe the current home can be adapted. Are they eligible for any sort of care that would help them to stay there?

Some people just won't change until it's crisis time, I'm afraid. The day they can't make it upstairs in time to get to the loo, is the day they may decide that they need to move. (Or they may just get a commode.....)

We all assimilate ideas in different ways, age and resistance to change seem to go hand-in hand.

Have PIL's actually visited an adapted house and looked around it, like you would if you were buying a house, or are they only rejecting their idea of what it will be like?

Maybe a reality check is in order, could you arrange a viewing for them? Maybe a couple of visits? Once they physically see and experience the upsides, you may find they can't wait to get one!

Could they meet someone who has already made the transition to an adapted bungalow and have a chat with them about how they find it's given them a better quality of life?

I'm also supporting the idea of a garden shed/cupboard idea for MIL's hobby.