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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister called me a c**t

20 replies

IscreamUscream · 27/05/2014 09:57

I did nothing to upset her, had invited her over to mine with my other sister and my niece and nephew for some dinner. She said she would be coming in reply to my message inviting her. The next afternoon I got a message from her saying she wouldn't be coming as I don't want her there and as far as she was concerned she now only has one sister, niece and nephew. I replied with I don't understand,to which she called me a mini version of our toxic mother and a nasty lying cunt.

OP posts:

fifi669 · 27/05/2014 10:00

?????

KatieKaye · 27/05/2014 10:02

She sounds delightful.
Do you really want her in your life? If not, then she has given you the ideal opportunity to go NC. It doesn't sound like she would be any loss to you. Just because she is related to you doesn't mean you have to make an extra special effort to forgive her behaviour or make excuses for it. You don't even have to like her, just because your share th same parents.
Either way, I wouldn't respond or make any further advances to her. it's up to you if you want to discuss this with your other sister, but that could be adding fuel to her fire if word gets back.

TheBuskersDog · 27/05/2014 10:03

Well obviously she thinks you have done something, none of us know what that may be.

FidelineandFumblin · 27/05/2014 10:05

Have you asked her what it's all about?

Smilesandpiles · 27/05/2014 10:08

Someone has been shit stirring.

You'll need to either, get to the bottom of who's saying what or just ignore the lot of them until it all blows over.

Nomama · 27/05/2014 10:09

Crikey!

Ask your other sister if she knows. If it is out of character then something has happened, you may or may not have anything to do with it. But, if you want to continue having a relationship with both sisters you are going to have to ask.

Good luck sorting it out.

Vinomcstephens · 27/05/2014 10:11

I think a little more information is needed here. Primarily, what did you reply? You surely must have replied to that message, right? I don't understand really what the AIBU is but clearly this is something you're upset about and I'm sorry for that, but we do need a bit more information...

Uptheanty · 27/05/2014 10:12

Your sister sounds like a right cunt.

I think she may be projecting when she accuses YOU of being toxic.

Whatever she thinks you have done it has itching to do with your dc's.
If her relationship with your dc is dependent on you & her being on terms I would tell her where to go.

Uptheanty · 27/05/2014 10:13

*nothing

And my post only counts if you do indeed have dc.

But she's still a cunt.

chesterberry · 27/05/2014 10:15

I agree that if that is out of character something has happened to really upset your sister, and somehow she feels you're involved.

She mentions in the text your mother is toxic. If that is the case could your mother have said something to upset your sister and somehow involved you?

Unless your sister has form for this sort of thing then I think you need to put what she said aside (at least initially) and assume that she has been told something to make her feel so angry at you. Try and find out what happened and talk to your sister. Once you know the scale of what she has been told/believes you have done you will be in a better position to decide whether her reaction is justified (at least as a response to what she thinks has happened) or whether she is being unfair, rude and melodramatic.

Good luck getting to the bottom of all this and hopefully sorting things with your sister.

Original poster

IscreamUscream · 27/05/2014 10:17

She has in the past turned on me and each time I let it go because she is my little sister, not a baby she's in her thirties. She is a bit of a drifter and pops up every now and again. I have put her up at times for a while and she offers nothing in the way of payment for her food whilst knowing I'm a single parent. She does this to my other sister aswell.
.
She rang me once out of the blue and asked if she could stay the night,when I said I wouldn't be able to she flew into a rage and text me that she hated me and my ds that he is rude and it would be her pleasure to burn my house down!
She does suffer with mh but that is no reason to be so nasty.

OP posts:

5OBalesofHay · 27/05/2014 10:17

Do you think she might be acting out some of the damage from a toxic mother? Doesn't make it ok, but maybe less personally hurtful if that's where its coming from. I'd be seriously upset though.

Nomama · 27/05/2014 10:18

Oh! So have a chat with your other sister and let her know that your little sister is 'doing one' again. That way you can both support her (and each other) with as little fuss and misunderstanding as possible.

Again, good luck.

Enb76 · 27/05/2014 10:21

She sounds like she went into a spiral of paranoia and the text is the outcome. Are her MH problems being dealt with? Is she on drugs?

No, it's not a nice thing for her to say and probably you don't need her in your life but she sounds unhinged and frankly I would be more worried about her than taking umbrage.

HayDayQueen · 27/05/2014 10:23

IscreamUscream

Wow, she sounds a lot like one of my sisters. But she is only like that to one other sister of ours. Bizarrely that other sister is the one that has done the most to help her.

There is no reasoning behind it. I spoke to her about it, there was nothing she could say to justify it bar some airy things that Sister 2 had done (think normal things that happen between sisters growing up). She just feels that way, it's irrational, but I suspect pretty permanent as she's been like that her whole life and is now almost 50.

Think you might want to get this out of AIBU and into Relationships tbh.

Canthisonebeused · 27/05/2014 10:51

Do you think someone is stirring things up or do you think she may be paranoid. You can either try to get to the bottom of it or ask another sister to talk to her a find out if she is ok or you just ignore it. I don't think MH is an excuses but it may be a reason if she is experiencing some sort of crisis or psychosis she may not be in full control of her thoughts or actions just now. I think it's worth finding out if she's alright.

Original poster

IscreamUscream · 27/05/2014 11:05

Nobody stirring things up and think she may of been getting paranoid about things,I don't know why. Bit from yesterday's message she has been horrible and think its time to cut her off. We always have to put up with her being nasty when she can't get her own way. To threaten to burn my house down is plain nasty.

OP posts:

Squidstirfry · 27/05/2014 11:06

Someone else could be pretending to be you, and sent her a load of abusive messages or something?
Ask her whatsup !

Uptheanty · 27/05/2014 11:53

Even if someone has been stirring, your sister should talk to you about it.

You can't just threaten to burn someone's house down & she can't exclude your dc to hurt you and expect forgiveness so easily.

You deserve to be treated better.

I understand she has mh issues but it must be really emotional and stressful for you.

Your sister is an adult and should be to some degree accountable for her behaviour toward you. If she can't or won't be you should go nc and give yourself some space from the abuse...and it is abuse.

Haggischucker · 27/05/2014 13:10

Got similar issue with my younger sister directed against older sister! Foul language and foul treatment all round on both sides! So hard being caught in middle so I just let it all wash over my head and try not to get involved.

Life is too short! :(

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