to say no?

[mommy2ash]

my sister and i haven't been on speaking terms for a few weeks. its not something i see resolving anytime soon.

i have a seven year old and she has a one year old. the kids love each other and even though i have chose to distance myself i don't want the kids to suffer.

my dd wanted to spend time with her cousin so i text my sister to ask if it would be helpful to her at any stage during the week could i mind the baby for a bit so they could play around, spend time together.

she responded by saying you dd can sleep at mine on wednesday night, i finish work at eight i can pick her up at half past.

the problem is that is later than my dd's bedtime and she has school the next day. as its so late the kids won't get to spend any time together which is the whole point of my text to her so i feel that i have to say no.

i hate when you offer arrangements to someone and instead of just saying yes or no they turn into something else.

i do understand given our falling out she might not want me minding her baby which is fair enough but then at least offer a time the kids won't be sleeping.

i text back sorry but dd has school the next morning so that won't suit thanks for the offer though. if you are free at any other time during the day i can drop her to you for an hour or else i can take baby anytime it would suit with.

YANBU to say no.

BUT can I just add that perhaps she doesn't really want to leave her 1yo in the care of someone who doesn't really speak to her. I know I wouldn't want to.

The kids will also pick up on the atmosphere and certainly your DD will notice that you don't really speak to in time they will suffer because of it.

Just leave it there and see what she comes back with. None of it sounds unreasonable to me other than why would you pick a school aged dd at bedtime

i agree that i can see why she wouldn't want me to mind her and thats totally fine by me. the only reason i said no was the time.

its a difficult situation to manage when there are kids involved.

Sorry didn't mean to go off on one, I speak as a child who dealt/still dealing with a family feud

She'll 'come round' when she needs a sitter for an hour unless there are some underlying issues that she doesn't want her ds at yours?

squtternut i didn't take it that way at all. family feuds aren't nice for anymore but definitely harder on the kids. i can be polite if i see her but im choosing to distance myself as much as possible for my own sake.

thanks monty i hope so, thankfully there are no underlying issues with me. i have always had my niece on a very regular basis and am very trustworthy. equally i fully trust her with my dd and would never stop her having her if the offer was there.

Neither of you sound unreasonable here

Although obviously the contact is more for your child because the other is only a baby.

Perhaps she'll invite your child at a more suitable time, but be prepared for her not to want to drop her baby off with you...because that would make it look like you're babysitting as a favour to her, rather than doing your child a 'favour' IYSWIM.

you are very right of course the contact would more benefit my dd. hopefully she comes back with a better time. i don't really care who goes where or who supervises as long as they get to see each other. they have been very close up til this point.

Aww I hope so too OP

Also, I hope you and your sister can work this out...although I realise that may not be possible.

Fingers crossed for you all.