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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if people really do things like this?

26 replies

EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:39

A relative is getting married in a few weeks, big wedding, beautiful venue, she's a lovely girl who works hard for all she has (as does her dp).

The venue is one that as soon as you say the name people know it's an expensive venue.

We were visiting in-laws at the weekend and during conversation mil said SIL reckoned the wedding would cost £xxxxxxx all in... I was taken aback as I didn't really know how SIL would know.

Apparently she'd visited the venue, queried the cost of a reception for 100 guests and room costs for guests.

I was stunned. Said I couldn't believe SIL had as much time on her hands to do that and queried if the bride and groom owed SIL money or something.

Mil said I was rude for saying SIL had little to be at and thought it a completely normal thing for her to have done.

SIL & I have history so maybe I ABU in thinking she overstepped the mark. She is dh's only sister, has no children & doesn't work, so technically she does have time on her hands to indulge her nosiness, but seriously, AIBU to think the majority of people wouldn't go to these lengths to criticise the cost of someone else's wedding??

OP posts:
TucsonGirl · 26/05/2014 17:42

YANBU. Sounds like your SIL has far too much time on her hands.

ScarlettDarling · 26/05/2014 17:45

Sounds like she's green with envy to me! I couldn't be bothered!

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:45

By the way, SIL has been married for about 12/13 years do definitely not looking at it as a possible wedding venue!

OP posts:
Pipbin · 26/05/2014 17:45

You would question the cost in idle chat but to actually go to the venue and plain ask is downright rude. It's none of her business.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/05/2014 17:45

I'm not sure on this one OP. I and my family have been known to indulge in a bit of wedding porn at times (my mum's really into it and everytime she stays at a hotel she tells them that her DD is getting married and asks for a list of packages).Blush

We may comment on the cost as in "OMG that's going to cost at least...", but we have never judged the people who spend that amount IYSWIM. Was your SiL being judgey? Were you using her knowledge to have a go at her?

slater23 · 26/05/2014 17:45

Doesn't matter really though, does it?

You are probaby nosy about stuff that she wouldn't be nosy about Grin

Bearbehind · 26/05/2014 17:47

To be fair though, who hasn't googled the price of houses for sale on their street or something like that?

Enquiring about the costs at the venue is a bit extreme but having a nosey around on the internet isn't hard.

I wouldn't admit I'd done it though Grin

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:47

When we got home dh said he thought same as me but would never have said what I said.

I still keep shaking my head when I think about it Grin

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 26/05/2014 17:49

That's very weird. Seems like jealousy to me.

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:49

It's the fact she drove to the venue & asked that made me gasp a bit!

No, I wasn't using her knowledge to have a go, I genuinely couldn't believe she had went that far.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:51

bear if they'd looked online I still would have boggled at her actions (as genuinely, who cares what it costs if she's not paying it) but to have driven out there, went in & queried it.

Just why?

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 26/05/2014 17:52

Well, I personally wouldn't give a toss what someone spends on their wedding. But I do look new friends up on the internet sometimes to get a feel for them and see how much I can peek at their fb.

CanaryYellow · 26/05/2014 17:52

It's one think having a nose at the venue on the internet and totting the price up in your head.

It's totally another to actually visit the venue specifically to query costs for guests. That takes nosiness to another level.

YANBU. Your SIL clearly has far too much time on her hands.

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 17:53

SIL wasn't there when mil told me.

She knows me well enough to know I'd say wtf though & will probably be pissed off with mil for telling us.

OP posts:
JonSnowsPout · 26/05/2014 17:53

I have a family member who sat and googled the cost if peoples chrismas prezzies to see whos was worth the most.

Last year i got her a just a card

slater23 · 26/05/2014 17:54

Eva I think you have too much time on your hands to be posting about SIL on here Grin

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/05/2014 18:05

YANBU. I had a neighbour like this, mad to know who spent what and where. SIL would have burst if she'd not found out. I would not be surprised if she didn't inherit that from one or both parents hence MIL's response.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/05/2014 18:07

Perfect opportunity to suggest that SIL gets herself a life.

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 18:11

slater you're probably right Grin

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 26/05/2014 18:11

It's nosy types like your SIL who allow the rest of us to know things we think it's beneath our dignity to ask ourselves - don't knock it!

wowfudge · 26/05/2014 18:13

If your SIL has that kind if time on her hands, I've got loads of cost research and comparison jobs she could do for me as I just never seem to get round to them have the time Grin.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/05/2014 18:20

That is not normal behaviour.

Original poster
EvaBeaversProtege · 26/05/2014 18:24

She definitely could be making money out of curiosity like that.

I wonder how annoyed she would get if she knew I had helped with the relatives invitations and there are more than 100 guests so her costings are incorrect.

I wouldn't even tell mil I helped the relative as she would demand details of invites etc.. I hate gossips.

OP posts:
Nocomet · 26/05/2014 18:28

I confess I have read the prices in the book in the hotel hall and I might Google, but not actually ask the venue for a quote. That's just too nosy.

KoalaFace · 26/05/2014 18:29

Hahahaha Grin

Your SIL sounds bizarre! Why on earth would she care so much to go to that much effort?

I bet she wants to know the ins and outs of a duck's arse!