Aibu to not know what to do

[roastednut]

I'm not a regular poster but been around for a few years. I'm not a mum either - which is basically the issue. I've had 2 failed ivfs, literally just found out about last one (this time just didn't implant, last time it worked but then miscarried). I'm almost 41 and basically I don't know what the hell to do now. Me and dh said we would always give it one more go (after the first one which was our nhs go). We have decent jobs and although we've had to go into debt to pay for this last go, that was due to the big lump sum, and it would be a struggle to give it another go. But not impossible. This is the issue really. I just don't feel I can accept that we just have to leave it now, but likewise I can't face spending all that money again with no guarantee it will work.
If I was a few years younger it wouldn't be so bad but I'm totally aware that it's now or never.

We just feel so sad. I really don't want to have another cycle of ivf and I know there are people that will keep going for 6 or 7 times, but I don't think that's me. Yes I want to be mum and dh really wants to be a dad, but in all honesty do I want it enough to go through this gamble again - I don't know.

I know this isn't really an aibu but if anyone had either been through this or can say anything that will help then I thought it was worth a try. Infertility just doesn't get the same traffic. I also know aibu can be a scary place but I want honest opinions even if it hurts! Obviously me and dh have talked but I know he will take my view on this and he would be happy for me to have another go, I just don't know what to do. Sorry for long, miserable and not proper aibu post

I have no advice to give, but wanted to bump this for you.

You poor thing

I can only say what I would do, which is have the IVF, I'm not you of course but personally yes, I would x

I've been in this situation. We've had 2 failed cycles and I have poor egg reserve. I was like you and just said no chance to another cycle. I'm now slightly coming round to the idea of donor IVF using donor eggs but I'm still unsure.

It's such a huge decision and I don't think anyone actually knows how heartbreaking it is having failed cycles and in my case being told that I'll never have my own biological child. :( have you tried counselling? We had it after our 2nd cycle and it certainly helped us discuss our views together. Sorry nothing else I can say. It's so hard and I'm still nearly 2 years down the line struggling with our decision.

I don't think anyone else can actually tell you what to do. IVF is so invasive and not something to go into lightly. I know I just couldn't face another failed cycle but I think we're much more strong that we think.

I think that sometimes you almost have to take money out of they equation and think that if money were no object, what would you do?

What do you need to do to have no regrets? Is there an ovarian reserve test you can have to give you more information about your chances of success? The more information you have available really helps you make a decision.

I've had lots of IVF, with failed cycles and miscarriages as well. Its hideous in the extreme, and the immediate aftermath is no time to be making decisions. I took the view that I had another 40 odd years left alive (with any luck) and I didn't want to have any regrets for those 40 years.

IVF is a big emotional and physical toll. If you don't want to have another go then don't. If you think you'll always regret not having one more go, and you can afford it, then have another go.

We did 4 lots of IVF (2 fresh 2 frozen).

Then had a break.

Then adopted. You can be a mum and dad without giving birth.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

Hello

I started cycle number 3 yesterday with donor eggs, my eggs are crap as ovaries knackered due to endometriosis, they told me its menopause at 30!

I would def try again if you could, I think if got to cycle 5 I would start wondering if I should call it a day

Yanbu to not know what to do, it must be a really hard decision :(

Personally I'd do another cycle, my reasoning would be that I wouldn't want to regret not doing it in 10 years time. Would doner eggs be an option?

Best of luck with whichever option you take.

Thanks so much everyone. I seemed to cope alright after the first time, but this has knocked me big style. I don't want any regrets and I did actually say to my dh that if we won the lottery I would have another go ASAP, which probably tells me what I need to know. It's just so hard. I probably should've progressed the counselling route and maybe it's not too late to do that now.
Thanks again, I know no one can tell me the answer but it's helped to write it down and read your posts